tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83529961516695342572024-03-07T21:41:58.399-08:00The Three DaysA novel by Adam Matz, written on the third day of the third month in the third year counting backwardsUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-41659071594672208882015-04-19T19:57:00.003-07:002015-04-19T19:57:52.665-07:00Chapter One<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US">1</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US">It may be that it
is Tuesday, December 31, 2013.<span> </span>It may be
that winter is well underway, and that a chill runs through everyone and
everything.<span> </span>It may be that I am sitting
on the floor as I type these words, and the tiled floor beneath my legs is very
cold.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that a Chinese lunar probe is
on its way to the moon.<span> </span>It may be that
the government of Thailand is in a state of transition.<span> </span>It may be that the NSA’s surveillance of
Americans’ phone records has been declared illegal.<span> </span>It may be that tensions increase between
certain ASEAN nations and China.<span> </span>It may
be that Joaquin Phoenix stars in the movie “Her.”<span> </span>It may be that the Seattle Seahawks are well
on their way to the playoffs.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be.<span> </span>It may be.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that through the winter chill,
through the imminent New Year, through the nationalism of Chinese nationalists
and the insecurity of national security organizations, I am thinking about
him.<span> </span>It may be that I can see him
through all of the words.<span> </span>It may be that
I can see him through the present tense.<span>
</span>It may be that I can see him through all of the events he tried so
painstakingly to organize, from beginning to end.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that in the present I see the
past, and in the past I see the future.<span>
</span>In the future I see the present and the past reaching an uncomfortable
agreement.<span> </span>Between the points of their
intersection I can see his handiwork, and in the present time I can see his
past misfortunes, played out just months before the time when all of this was
never written.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that I think about him, and
that I feel a sadness over what he’s done.<span>
</span>But then again, it might have been beyond his power to choose from the
beginning.<span> </span>As I sit here in my room,
typing or not typing these words into a laptop, I have room enough and time
enough to regret him.<span> </span>I know that he was
always doing his best.<span> </span>I know that he
had the best intentions.<span> </span>But he was
handicapped from the start.<span> </span>Like so many
of us, he was doomed before he was old enough to walk.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that I am wondering where he
is.<span> </span>I am looking for him, in my
thoughts.<span> </span>I feel that if I could turn
inward just enough I will see him there, staring back from the other side of
the world.<span> </span>I can feel him in the present
moment.<span> </span>I can feel him in all the
hundredfold things that have been witnessed, and all the thousandfold things
that have not been witnessed, or written down, or remarked upon afterward.<span> </span>I will not see him in the future, because
that is not where he wants to be.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that we taught together at the
university, the professor and I.<span> </span>Or it
may be that I was his only friend.<span> </span>It
may be that I was the wife who bore him two daughters, or it may be that I was
her jealous lover, coveting everything that he thought was his.<span> </span>It may be that I was male or female, as the
scene requires, and that I am both everywhere and nowhere all at once.<span> </span>It may be that years have now passed between
us, and that I sit here in this white room with its flaking paint, and that I
am trying to remember what has come before today, which may or may not be
Wednesday, July 4, 2007.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that I knew him.<span> </span>We struck up a conversation one day, he and
I.<span> </span>I found him in the university one
afternoon, and it may be that I came upon him as a stranger; it may be that I
was a long lost friend or else the person he saw at the beginning and the
ending of every day.<span> </span>I saw him staring
at the cover of the book I was holding, and I ventured to ask him if he’d ever
read Poe.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“Why of course,” he answered in his
high, nasal voice, “But I was only a kid then.<span>
</span>I don’t remember much.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that the two of us were
sitting outside in the springtime, on benches which occupied the quad where the
world famous cherry trees blossom.<span> </span>It
felt like the Ivy League, but wasn’t.<span> </span>We
were on the wrong side of the Continental Divide.<span> </span>We were on the wrong side of the
Rockies.<span> </span>We were just a hair’s breadth
from Canada, and the Pacific was only an hour’s drive away.<span> </span>He was sitting on a bench near the entrance
to the Humanities building, while I sat on the next bench over.<span> </span>As we spoke, students passed us by.<span> </span>I glanced up and saw seductive girls in denim
skirts, and laughing boys bearing a thousand logos.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that he was wearing brown
slacks and a reddish-brown wool sweater.<span>
</span>One could tell that he was inclined to corpulence, but that there was a
wife somewhere, trying her best to keep him slim.<span> </span>He had pale skin, gold-rimmed glasses, and a
thin head of auburn hair.<span> </span>He looked like
someone meant for northern climates, where warm rooms are an adequate
substitute for outdoor recreation.<span> </span>One
could also tell that the sun rarely burned its way into his solitude, and that
he was a man more comfortable with lectures than with conversation, more at
home in the midst of books than in the midst of friends.<span> </span>He was clumsy.<span> </span>He was shy.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that we began talking about
unimportant things.<span> </span>We might have talked
about our work, if that was something that we shared.<span> </span>We might have talked about our family life.<span> </span>We might have talked about the writings and
the doings of the great Edgar Allan Poe.<span>
</span>I was immediately struck by his vast command of facts, not only in his
area of specialization – the Middle Ages – but in other time periods and
subjects as well.<span> </span>His knowledge ranged
from the earliest cultures to the present day.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that he was a difficult man to
talk to, and our conversation struggled, but I found him engaging that
day.<span> </span>I found a warmth in him that I
would not see again.<span> </span>It is often like
that with people.<span> </span>Try as we might, we
usually fail to see them as they truly are, until one day – through what
combination of circumstances we will never know – we are granted a window into
their souls.<span> </span>We look upon them at that
fateful moment and there they are, in all their virtue and frailty.<span> </span>For just that instant, we see them as even
they cannot see themselves.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It was like talking to a very large,
very shy, yet very arrogant encyclopedia, or perhaps like talking to some kind
of robot, which has at its disposal certain unconvincing mannerisms, and the
entire history of the world.<span> </span>He evinced
a knowledge of the most obscure people, places, and things I could imagine, and
his ability to summon up the most esoteric information seemed to occur without
any real effort on his part, as if he could remember – really and truly
remember – everything that had ever happened to every person that had ever
lived.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that we exchanged phone
numbers, and that after that initial conversation he took to calling me at odd
intervals, once or twice a semester.<span> </span>We
would also run into one another in other places, at other times.<span> </span>But when I saw him in the malls and coffee
shops and parks of our city, it was as if we were strangers all over
again.<span> </span>I later realized that our first
encounter had been an unusual occurrence for the professor, and that he had
little meaningful interaction with either his colleagues or his students.<span> </span>Perhaps it was only the beauty of that spring
day that had thawed him.<span> </span>I can never be
certain.<span> </span>Yet I do know that after meeting
him on subsequent occasions he was even more difficult to talk to, even more
remote.<span> </span>He stuttered or mumbled, he
looked for excuses to leave, or he pretended not to see me waving at him from
afar.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be, however, that when he called
me it was like talking to another person, and on the phone I found it possible
to talk to that remarkable man from the quad yet again.<span> </span>On the phone we talked for hours, and on the
phone I learned much of what follows here.<span>
</span>It was on the phone that he told me the story of his life, not so much
in bare details as in casual remarks, in his choice of topics, or in the
questions that he asked me.<span> </span>He told me
the story of his life, without meaning to do so.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that in the telling of his
story you will come to see my professor as an immoral man, if not an evil
man.<span> </span>Let me only say that he lived his
life for a purpose, and that purpose was to prove the world wrong.<span> </span>When it came to most other people – all of
their feelings, and motivations, and dispositions – he was entirely at a
loss.<span> </span>He never claimed to know the human
heart, least of all his own, and for this reason guilt, and the moral sense
that guilt implies, were for the most part outside of his experience.<span> </span>He lacked a compass, yes, but I don’t think
that he was evil.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>I call him the Tail, for this is a name
that he sometimes gave himself.<span> </span>He wrote
to me that the tail is the hindmost part, carried far behind the seat of
consciousness, carried far behind any sense of right or wrong or good or
bad.<span> </span>In this he saw himself as a
rearward action, as an aftereffect, with all of his motives and reasons and
second guesses removed into both the past and the future.<span> </span>He saw himself suspended somewhere beyond
these things, fearful and uncertain, unwilling to contemplate all those
accidents that had culminated in both his being and in the tragedy that struck
his family.<span> </span>He was the Tail because he
was a stranger to himself.<span> </span>He was his
own extremity.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>Reflecting on the emails he sent me –
these, few, ephemeral documents that form his personal history – I am
continually surprised at what a remarkably lonely man he was.<span> </span>He was, as far as I can ascertain, the only
man I have ever known who truly lacked a single friend.<span> </span>My recounting our correspondence in this
manner might imply some kind of contradiction, but in this respect I feel that
I was more an outlet for his despair, a kind of confessional.<span> </span>He felt safe telling me the stories of his
life, because he knew that I was too far away to hurt him.<span> </span>No, I was not his friend, and if his messages
to me were true, he had none.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that much later I also learned
about his troubles from a shared acquaintance, a man who I later learned was
very close to my professor.<span> </span>This man’s
narrative also forms much of what follows, for reasons which will become
obvious later.<span> </span>I have of course also
changed his name to protect his identity.<span>
</span>Not that it matters much now.<span>
</span>Some secrets must be kept however, even beyond their dates of
expiration.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US">2</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>But it may be that I have digressed too
far from my original intentions, and that I should instead explain what the
Tail was searching for, in the wake of his tragedy.<span> </span>Perhaps I should begin at the beginning, with
the Book.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>This book was is and will not be like
other books.<span> </span>This book is was and will
not be secret.<span> </span>None of the other scholars
in the Tail’s field knew where this book reposed, though some had
theories.<span> </span>It was a mystery, this
book.<span> </span>It was an adventure that he chose
to embark upon.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that he had only ever seen
this book described in the writings of others, and that most of those
privileged – or perhaps cursed – to know of its existence had died hundreds, if
not thousands of years before the Tail’s birth.<span>
</span>Almost every scholar in his field considered this book to be a myth,
something not unlike Noah’s Ark, or like Cibola, the city of gold.<span> </span>It was, however, a myth that he chose to
believe in, and as both science and history are ever ready to teach us, myths
can often be proven true.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that after leaving behind everything
he knew, the Tail set out on his search for this book.<span> </span>Perhaps it was a sense of panic which led him
to do this.<span> </span>Perhaps it was an
unsatisfied desire for revenge.<span> </span>Whatever
it was that led him, it led him to the very ends of the Earth.<span> </span>He walked, or drove, or flew over the globe,
and his thoughts were every moment upon his goal.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>His book, which had been written to
bring about the end of the world.<span> </span>His
book, which is being written to bring about the beginning of the next.<span> </span>His book, which will be written for another,
idealized age that never should have been.<span>
</span>His book which I am remembering.<span>
</span>His book, which remembers.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>The Words of Trismegistus, also known as
The Three Days.<span> </span>It may be that these
were but two names for the same book; a book copied, transcribed, or
transliterated into a language that all men can understand.<span> </span>A book written, some say, before the days of
Homer, before the pyramids of Egypt, and before the baths of Harappa.<span> </span>It was once a scroll kept within the Library
of Alexandria, perhaps given to one of our ancestors from the hand of another
race, or else handed down to us by a god.<span>
</span>It was a scroll before it was a book, and then it was carefully divided
into sheets, and these sheets were bound into a single volume.<span> </span>This book, once rendered, was then placed
within a jeweled case that sparkles with strange gems, and it is in this case
that the book still resides, somewhere, waiting to be found.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that the Tail had learned of
this book long before his tragedy, while ensconced in the recesses of a
library, pouring over the history of the world.<span>
</span>It may be that he told me as much himself.<span> </span>One of the more ancient, more obscure authors
had made mention of it.<span> </span>In Arabic, in
Greek, in Aramaic, and in Sanskrit he found hints of it, enticements.<span> </span>He followed the clues through centuries of
books, and along the way he discovered some of the secrets that would make him
a famous man, a celebrated man, and a noted man within his chosen discipline.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that it took him a while to
put all of the clues together.<span> </span>It was
certainly not until after his misfortunes took hold that he could connect all
of the dots, and see the larger picture.<span>
</span>By then he was well away from his university and from the life he had
known.<span> </span>By then he was ranging through
the world, and the home he had left behind was only a memory that singed the
corners of his heart.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It might be that if you had seen him in
the midst of his search, if you had seen him in a library somewhere, you would
have wondered at this solemn, feverish man with the shock of wild white hair,
this man who appeared to belong to nowhere, and to nothing, save to an
unspeakable future that even he dared not utter aloud.<span> </span>You would have wondered who he was, and how
he could go about unwashed and in such filthy clothes.<span> </span>“A professor,” someone would have said, “He
must be a visiting professor.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>Yes, he was a visiting professor, and in
the midst of those libraries I had friends, who later mentioned seeing him
hunched over a table somewhere, his concentration bent upon piles of dusty
books.<span> </span>They would have remembered his
face from the jacket of one of his own books, or perhaps from a lecture he gave,
and they would have remembered the talk of how he had disappeared, only to be
seen in that particular library later on, with his eyes peering into the depths
of yellowed pages.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>And it may be that from such beginnings
he widened his search, crossing the oceans and seeking out forgotten
places.<span> </span>It may be that news of his
travels reached me, secondhand.<span> </span>It may
be that I was seeking him out in some fashion, and that as he searched for his
book, I searched for him – one shadow chasing another.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that where texts ended he
found both stories and hearsay, where books failed to illuminate he found
markers in stone, and pictures chiseled into ruins.<span> </span>Where archaeology ended he deciphered clues
in the workings of nature, and in the alignments of the stars.<span> </span>He became a true alchemist, my professor, and
who better to discover that great work, lost for so many thousands of human
years, than an alchemist?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that he wandered, at times he
wept, but at crucial moments there were always signs to point the way.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be.<span> </span>It may be.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US">3</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>When the Tail was a boy, his father told
him a story about stories.<span> </span>To his
father, everything was a story, right back to the beginning of the world.<span> </span>The Tail had once disagreed with this point
of view, mostly out of youthful rebelliousness, but as he grew older he saw the
rightness of it.<span> </span>He began to see all the
little stories that made up his own life, and also how these stories – both his
own stories and those of others – made up the larger story of the world.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>And every story had a moral.<span> </span>Every story had a hero or a heroine.<span> </span>Every story had a villain, even if that
villain was often flawed with a good character.<span>
</span>Aristotle’s rules of drama could be applied, depending on where one drew
the line between one story and the next.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“When I was younger my father told me
many stories,” the Tail wrote to me one day, “And then he died.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“He told me stories about how it all
began.<span> </span>He told me stories about how all
stories end, if only to begin anew.<span> </span>He
told me stories about all of the things that people think and feel.<span> </span>But he never let me forget that they were
just stories, and as such were easily contradicted and contraindicated by other
stories, or what you might call other versions of the truth.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“Stories, my father said, were all that
people really had.<span> </span>Everything that
people thought, or wanted, or felt, or believed could be traced back to a
story, and this story could be traced back to other stories, without end.<span> </span>Everything, he said, was reducible to a
story.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“My father taught me to love
stories.<span> </span>Even the sad ones.<span> </span>And when he died, he became a story
himself.<span> </span>This was a story I carried
within my person, no different from any other heirloom.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“And it never seemed to me that by
making my father into a story that I was diminishing him, because as he himself
said, even the living are stories, and their status as such in no way alters
the objective truth of who they are.<span>
</span>Even where and when we are wrong.<span>
</span>That too is a story, and that is our truth.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“Stories grow and grow, and after my
father’s death I grew into other stories.<span>
</span>In a few of these stories I was the hero, while in others I was only a
supporting character.<span> </span>In some of these
stories I was the villain, while in others I played a more ambiguous role.<span> </span>Sometimes I never knew what role I was
playing until the end of a story, which is always only the beginning of another
story.<span> </span>Or so my father would have said.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“I grew up in Seattle, my city, and a
few other places besides.<span> </span>I moved away
from my father’s house and went to college.<span>
</span>I studied history, for this was a discipline ripe for story-making and
storytelling.<span> </span>I learned.<span> </span>I loved.<span>
</span>I tried to live.<span> </span>Then I was a
teacher, a professor even, and I saw in my profession nothing less than the
fulfillment of what my father had told me about stories, all those years
before.<span> </span>I, like him, was enmeshed in
stories.<span> </span>And because I knew them to be
stories, I came to feel like a spider at the center of my web.<span> </span>I knew, somehow, that my story was the story
of all stories, and that everything in my past stories had combined to make my
present.<span> </span>Everything in my present
combined to spell out the future.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“But one evening I came home, and my
world ended.<span> </span>It didn’t matter what had
been obvious to others before that point.<span>
</span>It didn’t matter that I myself had been deluded.<span> </span>Whether the past embodied a collective
falsehood or a collective truth was not the issue.<span> </span>What mattered was the shift in my perspective,
and the fact that after this shift in perspective I could no longer continue on
as I had been doing.<span> </span>I could no longer
persevere in the old conceits.<span> </span>I could
no longer hide within my ambitions, within my family, or within my fragile
world – all pieced together from a forest of misunderstandings.<span> </span>I had to make an ending that evening, and
that ending was only the beginning.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“That was a moment when stories almost
stopped being stories, and when I realized that life is often so much more and
so much less than an amusement.<span> </span>All of
my stories fell apart that day, and I was left on the verge of something else,
something foreign.<span> </span>I floated in the
middle of a void.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“I cannot tell you what I thought after
that evening.<span> </span>I cannot tell you what
motives guided my actions.<span> </span>I was outside
of myself from that point onward.<span> </span>I was
outside of all my stories.<span> </span>I was also
the hand of much larger things.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US">4</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US">Yes, he was a hand
and a tail both.<span> </span>He was a cause and an
effect, an object viewed and the viewer.<span>
</span>Within him lay the entirety of the world, as the world lies within every
man, and every woman.<span> </span>He could see right
back to the origins of the cosmos, and from these origins he could view himself
as the product of so many certain improbabilities, so many happenings and
failures to happen.<span> </span>Yet within this
acknowledgment of his true scale lay a sense of destiny, and beside this sense
of destiny lay an unavoidable purpose.<span>
</span>He knew that he was the large within the small.<span> </span>He knew that a storm begins with a single
drop of water, and that actions at any distance are never distant, but rather
close, impenetrable, and inseparable from oneself.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>He had to find the book.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>He vanished into the world.<span> </span>He became everywhere.<span> </span>He took up strange passports and learned new
languages.<span> </span>He walked into places where
men such as himself were more often than not murdered, or held for ransom.<span> </span>Even so he was not touched, for the purpose
gleaming in his eyes put him beyond such molestations.<span> </span>They saw him, and were afraid.<span> </span>So it was that he went into the most lawless
of lands, untouched for all his storied value.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>He walked, he drove, and he flew across
the oceans, until a certain day when he finally found his book, lying in the
ruins of a house that overlooked a lake, a house removed from almost
everywhere.<span> </span>He lifted the jeweled case
from the midst of other, ordinary books.<span>
</span>He opened the worded leaves, and he began to read about the end of
everything human.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>He knew that this was the one book to
end the world.<span> </span>He knew that this was the
book he had been searching for.<span> </span>This was
the book to end all stories.<span> </span>This was
the book that was the story of the world yet unwritten.<span> </span>His story was a part of that old world’s
story, to be unraveled along with all the others.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>A tired tapestry, the threads pulled
from the weave.<span> </span>No death could ever be
so complete.<span> </span>For after one’s death there
is the memory of others, still living, passing their memories of the dead
forward through time in words, in pictures, and in books unlike this one.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>But here, here was a book to unmake all
other books, and to strike silence into the mouths of the speakers and the
keepers of tradition.<span> </span>Here was a book to
reinvent the past by erasing it.<span> </span>Here
was a book to wipe away his sadness, and every wrong idea he had ever pursued
and magnified.<span> </span>Here was a book to end
the story of the world.<span> </span>He took it up
with trembling hands, and began to read it.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>He takes it up with trembling hands, and
begins to read it.<span> </span>He will take it up
with trembling hands, and he will begin to read it.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>As he read, he knew that this was the
Third Day: the day that never comes.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US">5</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US">It may be that
when I think about him I feel free.<span> </span>But
then again he held all of the cards from the beginning.<span> </span>As I sit here in my room, typing or not
typing these words into a laptop, I have no space nor any moments left to
regret him.<span> </span>I know that he was a
failure.<span> </span>I know that he often wished me
ill.<span> </span>But he was given his
opportunities.<span> </span>Like so many others, he
was free to choose or not to choose.<span>
</span>Even if he wasn’t.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It may be that in the past I see the
future, and in the present I see the present tension.<span> </span>In the presence of tension I see the past and
the future reaching an ultimate understanding.<span>
</span>Between the points of their intersection I can see our collective
futility, and in the future I can see nothing, nothing at all.<span> </span>He has undone all of that.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>And it may be that through the winter
chill, through this first day of the last year, I would that he was thinking
about me.<span> </span>I would that he could see me
through the words of his fabled book.<span> </span>I
can see him through the passing of tenses.<span>
</span>He ought to see me through the events he has succeeded in erasing.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It is Saturday, March, and it is the
last first day of the first last year.<span>
</span>Winter has always been underway, and the passage of time has been halted
by the opening of a single book, on the other side of the world.<span> </span>I am sitting on a chair as I type these
words, and I can feel the weight of what he will do.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>He did it from the beginning.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-75756914439177967332015-04-19T18:54:00.003-07:002015-04-19T18:54:50.341-07:00Chapter Two<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">1</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Better to begin briefly with a time for History, for
the wheeled chairman has already willed it thus.<span> </span>Better to begin with slide rules over
vanished empires, with monsoonlike reigns and dynastic retrocession.<span> </span>Better to begin with eons and ages, with clocks
ticking and calendrical stone pages ripped apart.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">There
is this thing that we call Yesterday.<span>
</span>There is this thing that we call Before.<span>
</span>But we cannot grasp it.<span> </span>We cannot
find it out.<span> </span>We know that it was once
there, but that it will once be and now is not forevermore.<span> </span>We read its outlines in the perpetual
persuasion of the continual phenomenology of Now.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Now:
another thing not found out.<span> </span>Like
Yesterday.<span> </span>Unlike Tomorrow, which we do
not attempt to comprehend.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Yes,
better to begin with a time for History, but he will not see it thus.<span> </span>Not a man of philosophy, our professor.<span> </span>Rather a man for facts and dates.<span> </span>Rather a man for happenings.<span> </span>A man, and outside of him a few limited
partnerships, and beyond that the city where he lives, and within the city the
Library, and within the Library the city where he lives.<span> </span>Better to begin to make an ending.<span> </span>Better to begin outside of time.<span> </span>Better to begin outside of History.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>History, written down or spoken
out.<span> </span>It is all the same to him.<span> </span>It all exists or comes to exist inside of
books.<span> </span>It all comes to be housed within
his sanctuary, his Library.<span> </span>It has all
been.<span> </span>It all comes to be.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">2</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“We
are not there yet,” said Himself (or Herself), “We need to go back
further.<span> </span>Downward, I think.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">3</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Down, down into the
depths of the Library.<span> </span>Older by far than
the oldest of sayings.<span> </span>It might have
been a Monday, or a Sunday, or a Tuesday.<span>
</span>It might have been a sunny day or cloudy.<span> </span>No way to know, in the depths of the
stacks.<span> </span>No way out for some, who toil
for the sake of future gain.<span> </span>And if one
were to map out the moments of interest in a single life, which is itself no
more than a single world, one might as well begin here, with this descent into
the depths of the Library.<span> </span>If not into
History itself.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>It is
said that there is a city not far from the sea, or else not far from salt water
and the romance of the sea, and that in this city there are institutions of
higher learning, wherein men and women labor for the benefit of future
generations.<span> </span>Within these institutions
are vast hordes of books, and these books commemorate the deaths of notable
individuals.<span> </span>These books are so large
that they cannot be housed within any single building, and their number is
unknown even to those whose job it is to catalog them.<span> </span>Some say that these books are really just
protrusions from the Earth’s crust, caused by geological forces, and that a
venture down through the deepest stacks would take one close to the Earth’s
fiery core.<span> </span>Some others say that these
books are extraterrestrial in origin, and that mankind never had the free will
necessary to write them or bind them or haul them forth.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Whatever
the case, the true origins of the Library matter not, for it is here just the
same.<span> </span>Its presence is a fact in
itself.<span> </span>It need not matter whether or
not libraries serve any useful purpose in an age of social networking and
Wikipedia, for the reality of their having been is enough.<span> </span>Professors and those posing as such demand
their use, so here they are.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>So,
proceeding downward from the highest level, descending below the perpendicular,
we find shelf upon shelf, row upon row, section upon section, each book with a
number.<span> </span>But wait.<span> </span>We are going too fast.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>I was
talking about a city by the sea, or rather you were.<span> </span>That was what he said, and there was
something there about salt water and the romance thereof.<span> </span>Sometimes it is necessary to back the car up
to move forward, but that metaphor fails.<span>
</span>The sea, back to the 1800s, and before that Indians smoking salmon and
leading along token economies.<span> </span>Something
with shells, or beads, or else something one might pour into a slot
machine.<span> </span>Desperation.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And
then here are the white men.<span> </span>There are
always white men somewhere, even if they turn out not to be white.<span> </span>They sail boats into harbors and fire useless
phallic cannons at a hill, hoping to scare the natives into submission.<span> </span>They are greedy and civilized like all white
men, and the people that they displace are shiningly innocent, free from all
cruelties and cannibalism.<span> </span>Neither would
these tribes engage in gambling.<span> </span>Neither
would they engage in senseless whale hunts.<span>
</span>We have apologized for everything and everyone already.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
white men take naught of a bay within a particular part of the wilderness, and
begin a city in that very spot.<span> </span>They
name the city after one of the natives they have raped, and commerce begins to
flow in that direction.<span> </span>Somewhere
in-between there is a great fire, and wooden buildings fronted by wooden
walkways perish in the flames, to be extinguished by the Second World War, when
black men bussed in sulked from the back of buses and were sent to make
munitions or some such things.<span> </span>But they
were not quiet, those black men, and so we have another half of our city, where
the oppressed folk huddle.<span> </span>Racism never
existed in this city.<span> </span>The natives were
never displaced.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">4</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Forward and backward halting starting stopping years
ago there waits a man in his memory.<span> </span>He
is was will not be a man to look after books.<span>
</span>He is was will not be a man to murder.<span>
</span>He is was will be another man, and I you he she it will call him The
Remedy.<span> </span>If the truth of this story is in
truth a giant that bestrides the earth, then in his tail which he bites with
rage lies the remedy.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
Remedy, so many years.<span> </span>Images scrolled
across the smeared walls, of auditoriums where eyeballs glazed down at a little
man likened to a great man, a wizened man likened to a fool by some.<span> </span>And he was outside of the game.<span> </span>An initiate.<span>
</span>Paraded before the mysteries of young girls not so mysterious to
him.<span> </span>Eyeballs glancing downward, but a
few curious to look in his direction.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Images
only images still.<span> </span>Not moving and never
changing.<span> </span>A mentality cast backward in
that direction.<span> </span>The memory still
stinging, and he is not inside that auditorium now.<span> </span>He is no longer invited to the party.<span> </span>Initiations come and gone.<span> </span>But he is somewhere else.<span> </span>He is someone else.<span> </span>He is a young boy trying to be a young boy
man.<span> </span>He is still young.<span> </span>Brown locks and an easy smile.<span> </span>Clothes culled from local thrift stores.<span> </span>He is a sunrise casting a shadow over the
rest of his life.<span> </span>He is a thing that
will not yet be.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Leather-backed
chair against his back and ahead of him lies a tube turned off.<span> </span>He is staring at the likeness of
himself.<span> </span>He is not likened to a great
man.<span> </span>He is not likened to a fool just
yet.<span> </span>All the lights off and the inside
is dark, doubly dark for all the night outside his windows.<span> </span>He wants to spring into action, this
tiger.<span> </span>He waits for a call, or else he
waits for a reason to join the hunt.<span>
</span>However solitary this animal, yet game for adventure, grinding teeth
against the futility that threatens.<span>
</span>Grinding teeth this sad handsome man tonight, alone, and around the
couch an entirety of vacant furniture.<span> </span>A
home for no one, least of all himself.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>In the
city that is always sleeping.<span> </span>An ocean
precipitous upon the shelf-life lived upon the Earth, with great Asia beyond,
lurking, and the familiar abodes of cowboys and Indians on the nearer side.<span> </span>No more horses for the dollar, but within a
niche around which are curled the solemn pines, and around several
islands.<span> </span>I think I see the city upon a
hill, with twilight lights for those downtown, and distant squares of yellowed
lamplight for those like him, those near the lake that is called green.<span> </span>Triangular wood clamp board slapped together
with nail upon nail upon nail, assembled each from pieces of the true
cross.<span> </span>While a less authentic cross
towers above, in a brick church where none venture, least likely those game
enough for tigers such as he.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Ring
goes the phone.<span> </span>Handed fingers reach out
to enclose the receiver.<span> </span>A voice sprouts
into being from the wires carried back along Ravenna, and from there a simple
sound of solace.<span> </span>He is mouthing into the
phone not yet.<span> </span>He is attenuating his
words.<span> </span>But first the intonations of
another adulant, another half-glimpsed friend who lies on the other side of
night and sleep.<span> </span>Somewhere in the night,
waiting for a pretended friendship or a beer.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Words
slip me up,” quotes the speaker, quotes his own voice.<span> </span>“On what trajectory are you to be found, this
night?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“None,”
he answers.<span> </span>Neurons fire behind his
eyes, photoreceptors replay an image from not so far back at all.<span> </span>The lithe limbs of a girl not yet his
yet.<span> </span>Where is she in the night
tonight?<span> </span>He reconstructs her doings from
the picture play of nights previous, and fails to account for her doings.<span> </span>This woman he wants, so much more than the
voice on the line.<span> </span>This woman he is
remembering.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Sound
sideways, but before him there is the mirrored glass, wherein he espies his own
loneliness, and lack of motivation.<span> </span>His
is not a reversed smile at the thought.<span>
</span>A body in a sofa reflected twofold, for once is the glass illuminated,
and then again the photons are sent spinning, burrowed into the back alley
eyeballs within his own.<span> </span>A reflection of
a reflection not unlike a copy of a copy, growing less distinct.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">And again that image
of the woman who will not be his woman.<span>
</span>That image of the woman on the other side of town.<span> </span>What price peace he thinks.<span> </span>Moaning arms and whispered sighs to echo
through the claustrophobic confines of his apartment.<span> </span>The memory of a lovely one who only ever
aspired to memorihood.<span> </span>She is not
revealed to me at the moment.<span> </span>She was outside
of the conversation.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Well
we will go and float unquietly,” says the phone line friend, “We will press
ourselves between aqueous mirrors.<span> </span>And
outside of that is the cool evening, so why not pass a while with us?<span> </span>Why not stay?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>She
will not recollect your collected call, he tells himself.<span> </span>She is outside a-whoring.<span> </span>To love like love in seclusion, while she is
out in the midst of amiable crowds, out in the midst of friend and foe
alike.<span> </span>And she is drinking her glass
full.<span> </span>Her teeth are shining in the warm
ambience of liquor bottles.<span> </span>Another man
with his muscled arms around her waist, her white teeth smile, she ejaculates
confidences into this other man’s ear.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Regretful
now but vigilant.<span> </span>He knew what he wanted
and even if he could not want more than that he was shallow enough and retiring
enough to admit defeat.<span> </span>Only temporary
time with those like her.<span> </span>And as he
places his replies into the phone he knows the sum of what he is to her: a
story told to fat and less attractive friends.<span>
</span>An anecdote for them to cackle over, while she spreads her thighs all
over the world, and while men wipe her juices from their mouths.<span> </span>No thirsts are quenched, just as her womb is
never filled beyond filling.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Reliant
upon the passing confidence of friends in the similitude of phone friends, he
is erect to his own posture, and over the shoulders of the late hour he pastes
a flannel shroud.<span> </span>There is an
athleticism in his movement that speaks of tiring jobs and crushing burdens,
but he is free for the night if he can just remember how to forget her.<span> </span>If he can just retrieve another set of
keepsakes from a limited set of options.<span>
</span>He will go to where the mirrors press together.<span> </span>He will try to unremember in the doings of
friends.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Gone against the
grain.<span> </span>Not found.<span> </span>Nor found out.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Dry cool air stirred
through the carpeted confines.<span> </span>He moves
straight.<span> </span>A door opens outward into the
silence of the benightened hallspace.<span>
</span>His feet are padding.<span> </span>And bones
straighten themselves down as gravity pushed up wells of feeling.<span> </span>The aluminized key turns with the lock,
breath drawn in down towards the pit of his stomach.<span> </span>Breath exhalation up through the mouth
nostrils as the portal clicks into place.<span>
</span>He is seeking now.<span> </span>He has not
found yet.<span> </span>I think I can espy him around
the corner.<span> </span>I think I have seen him and
heard his shoed feet press down the carpet between the spackled wallways.<span> </span>Where is this one going?<span> </span>What purpose might it have?<span> </span>It is on its father’s business?<span> </span>And on through the straightway defile to the
horizon ninety-degreed downgoing levers.<span>
</span>Foot out once.<span> </span>Foot back
again.<span> </span>Foot pointing down.<span> </span>Foot balanced behind.<span> </span>Three strides to gain the rectilinear
obscurity of the night outside, with a tree arm glinting green beyond the
silicon.<span> </span>Tree arm glinting silver green
with ruptured flesh.<span> </span>And then turning to
face the most removed escape.<span> </span>Three more
strides, and the outside is gained, with all of the encompassed black willed
nocturne pressing upon every angle of the construction, with more green
glinting silvered trees, and with stone poured within the furrows of the Earth,
leading one down to the car that is a car along a street which is just a
nighttime residential street without wooden townhouses and other extraneous
objects.<span> </span>Fissure this sky winding
up.<span> </span>Fissure this sky.<span> </span>He is wistful.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>You
struggled a bit while they poured all of this concrete into your head, all of
these thoughts that go nowhere.<span>
</span>Wondering after that faithless woman and her doings.<span> </span>Another key for another door, and the slam of
metal against metal in the night.<span>
</span>Rumblings from the forward part and a beep as the tires surge against
the pavement.<span> </span>He is going out into the
dark quietude and then there is the thought of what she might be doing in
forbidden quarters weighed against the dismissed doings of fallback
friends.<span> </span>The world only glimpsed through
the periphery, rotating around his complicated stare.<span> </span>This stare which looks and does not see.<span> </span>This stare which never sees the city at night
around him, but is rather looking towards the doings of peremptory peoples in
other places and into the future and into the past but never at the simple
realizations that accompany the present.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>No
other cars to bar the way.<span> </span>No other
drivers out of misadventure.<span> </span>And he
blesses them each and every one for their lack of being there, for in their
absence they are blessed, and they do not worry after other faithful faithless
lovers who are not lovers but rather borrowed bodies, and they do not worry
after her, after Rose, because they are content to sleep the sleep of the well
served or at least the sleep of the illusioned yet unawakened from interludes
in domesticity.<span> </span>How could I ever think
of her?<span> </span>He thought.<span> </span>How could I have ever intented myself into
such an abiding sense of shame?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Street
lights rowed this way and that.<span> </span>The car
creaks around the corners.<span> </span>He drives
up.<span> </span>He drives down.<span> </span>One side of our city where the oppressed folk
huddle.<span> </span>Another side of our city where
most are fat and pale and privileged.<span>
</span>Indians might have made their fires here once, but she was not present
in their councils.<span> </span>Now there is only
sidewalk where prehistoric birds once passed through the foliage.<span> </span>Now there are only houses upon houses and
within each house some reticent reserved family that reinvents the wheel every
day.<span> </span>He drives up and over the bridge
but wait that is the opposite direction.<span>
</span>In his mind he writhes back the other way, and then goes down 45<sup>th</sup>
where the warmth of restaurant fronts beckon from the curbs and then down down
funneled into the apathy of long gone industry.<span>
</span>Not thinking of her in her bars with her men.<span> </span>Not thinking of the forceful way that they
pull her close.<span> </span>Not thinking of her need
for variety.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Where once pines
dominated the skyline.<span> </span>Now too composed
business sectored off from shingled abodes that leer from a hill.<span> </span>The spillage has been cut from the onetime
smooth roll of this hill, and the car is carrying him down into the cradled bay
which is not a bay but a lake.<span> </span>Window
upon window removed from the silent street.<span>
</span>The life of the city out there, somewhere, but elusive.<span> </span>The bridge that passes over Fremont.<span> </span>Still no cars on the road.<span> </span>Still nothing moving save his rubbersouled
mechanized feet.<span> </span>These feet that all
Americans have.<span> </span>These feet that they
prefer to use, because walking about is shameful.<span> </span>It is not the proper ordination for those
birthed and raised in the shadows of outmoded proportions and clouds that roil
behind steel propelled warbirds.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Where
is she?<span> </span>What is she?<span> </span>Why?<span>
</span>Always wanting?<span> </span>And if she were
to call me, I could answer.<span> </span>But she will
not call me.<span> </span>I want to believe that she
will not call me.<span> </span>Because then I could
make an end to it in my mind.<span> </span>Then I
could decide to be alone, and if I really truly decided to be alone then I
would not speculate after her doings. <span> </span>I
could retreat into my aloneness, and find a satisfaction therein.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The car
parks.<span> </span>The car is parked with the squeal
of wellworn brakepads.<span> </span>To the left is a
long likelihood of weathered wood, and below that the lake, and below the
surface of the lake there is murky water and then fish and then the bottom of
the lake which everyone knows is filthy because of all the boats and their
comings and goings but at night it’s very scenic because of the houseboat
lights that paint their images upon the fluid anxiety of this lake that is not
a lake but perhaps rather a topographical map of his friendships with men he
doesn’t care much for.<span> </span>And here they are
coming out now with all their supposed admiration.<span> </span>And this is not admiration as much as
suppressed lust because both of them are gay and they think he doesn’t know but
really he has known for a long time about how they meet here of a night and in the
creaky silence of their sailboat they probably suck each other off and then
grow guilty after.<span> </span>And one of the
suppressed homosexualphobes is ushering him down to the wooden walkway behind
the metal fence and yet a third key is turned in the lock and they are walking
toward the aforementioned boat and speaking of innocuous things and the hour is
cool and quiet and one would have thought that he could calm himself if he
could just stop thinking about her tattooed goings-on in other places far
removed from him.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Come
on,” Brad was saying.<span> </span>“Let’s get out of
here, man!<span> </span>It’s a great night for
sailing!”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Again
with friends that he is pretended to.<span>
</span>They cannot see the city for the trees.<span>
</span>Something nautical pulled back.<span> </span>A
sail unfurled.<span> </span>They wobble out into the
waters and he drinks some spiced rum.<span>
</span>The ruminations of the past are to no effect and to no advantage.<span> </span>The friends act very butch, but this is a
show for themselves.<span> </span>Not a show for him.<span> </span>His eyeballs roll around the marching
city.<span> </span>His stare is nowhere.<span> </span>Oh, that girl that he will not have.<span> </span>They cannot see how he has failed to secure
his rights, for he is a handsome man not too distantly removed in time, he is
getting older yes with his CDs from ten years ago but he is still very vital
for all his age.<span> </span>They wonder how he has
failed to secure her, but there are the mysteries of women, and how they refuse
to be bottled.<span> </span>No one thing to equal
another.<span> </span>Just an endlessness of gaming.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Under
the Aurora Bridge, with the cars passing over.<span>
</span>No oars to dip into the water.<span>
</span>The pinpoints twinkle in the firmament, and below each pinpoint is the
restive surface of the lake, reflecting the pinpoints back at themselves,
reflecting the residences upon the water, reflecting the pinpoints back into
his eyes, reflecting the waters back into eternity.<span> </span>And in all of that eternity his lady love is
not to be found.<span> </span>For she is outside time.<span> </span>She is elsewhere.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Chatter
over movies seen and then seen no more.<span>
</span>Mundane conversation, but his eyes are upon the narrowed places where
the water passes out.<span> </span>A city might loom
up behind, but in one particular houseboat upon the lake she is to be found,
just to the rearward of his view.<span> </span>And
she may have been fucking or she may have been fucked by another unlucky
man.<span> </span>And she may have looked out from an
unclean window to see him and not see him.<span>
</span>And she might have been laughing, she might have been mocking him.<span> </span>Or else she might have been lonely, and like
him, looking for companionship in the wrong place.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He did
not see her.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">5</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>But
wait, I forgot about the Great Depression, and maybe the First World War.<span> </span>Maybe something about the 70s.<span> </span>You should have put that in, but she forgot.<span> </span>We failed to remember the logs that rolled
down the hills or perhaps they skidded.<span>
</span>We forgot to mention the local beers and the local bands.<span> </span>They are always doing that, they are, leaving
things out.<span> </span>It is only because they want
to create a separate history for themselves.<span>
</span>It is unfortunate that there is only so much backstory to go around, and
sooner or later one history is both proven false and proven true by another.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Bill
Cosby talked about this city.<span> </span>He did so
before I was born, and in his so-still voice he talked about the rain and how
everyone walked about with umbrellas.<span> </span>I
have heard the recording in the Museum of History and Industry, but by now you
know the city whereof you have spoken.<span>
</span>By now you know that I am talking about Seattle, named after one of
those naked savages, located on the Puget Sound, half-resplendent in the sight
of the Olympics and the Cascades.<span> </span>This
is where the university lies, and if you know where we are you can probably
guess half the truth of its location.<span>
</span>Just follow 45<sup>th</sup> all the way down across the freeway past
Wallingford.<span> </span>You will find it on your
right side past the Ave.<span> </span>The Library is
there, if you look.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">6</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And I
knew Seattle.<span> </span>I grew up there, at the
tail end of the 70s, and onward into the 80s.<span>
</span>I left there in the 90s, to return in fits and starts.<span> </span>I knew it before anybody thought to care
about that place.<span> </span>Back when we were just
Boeing and little else.<span> </span>Back before
Microsoft and Sleepless in Seattle and Starbucks.<span> </span>Back when Seattle merely slept, and waited
out another rainy winter, hoping for the sun.<span>
</span>There was nothing to live up to in Seattle.<span> </span>We were free.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Saturday
mornings spent watching cartoons.<span>
</span>Weekdays spent in school.<span> </span>Our
parents were without ambition then.<span> </span>They
were just trying to survive.<span> </span>There was
no glint of expectation about their lives.<span>
</span>They lived where they lived, and they made their money where they could,
and no one dreamed of corporate glory, and no one in Seattle ever thought to be
famous, or rich, or discussed on facebooks that had yet to exist.<span> </span>It was enough to get up in the morning and go
to work in some silent, lonely place, and return each day to a grateful
family.<span> </span>It was enough to make a little
more than minimum wage.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And on
the weekends we would try to enjoy the rain, and we would smile at our failure
to do so.<span> </span>On occasion the sun would come
out, glorious, and we would remember that life is good.<span> </span>Also on Halloweens past, with children
running through the dark streets and greedily snatching after candy.<span> </span>Also on Christmas, with presents under the
tree and parents half drunk.<span> </span>Also on the
first day of summer vacation, when children were glad to pedal bicycles across
vast distances, without a hint of parental supervision.<span> </span>There were the most joyful of days.<span> </span>Or at least they are so in my memory.<span> </span>It may be that I was only seven, eight, or
older.<span> </span>It may be that I have forgotten
or that I have been shielded from the worst.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>To be
certain, there were bad things in that past.<span>
</span>But I remember only the salt air and the solitude of parks.<span> </span>I remember only friends past and trips to the
toy store with my mother.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>But
that history is already gone, some would say.<span>
</span>That history has already happened.<span>
</span>That history has been rendered meaningless by Now.<span> </span>That History is itself and its own
reward.<span> </span>Chronologize not, for there is
no time for winding watches or watching time pass by.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">7</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Whiteboard
markers.<span> </span>This is what one thinks of in
conjunction with higher education.<span>
</span>Whiteboard markers, and the flakes that they leave in the gutters where
they are stored.<span> </span>Chalk for all the lower
orders of Education, and whiteboard markers in red, blue, and green for the
collegiate sphere.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He is
holding a blue whiteboard marker as I set my eyes upon him from the back of the
class.<span> </span>He is holding forth.<span> </span>A half-full lecture hall in the afternoon.<span> </span>Some few students to hear the Truth as he
would have it.<span> </span>This, his first time
before them, and he stutters so much.<span> </span>He
fails to make his case.<span> </span>He fails to
illustrate his points.<span> </span>His words are a
concatenation of dissimilar perspectives.<span>
</span>Pieces of a puzzle.<span> </span>Pieces of a
puzzle that will not fit.<span> </span>He is
embarrassing himself, in this lecture hall.<span>
</span>The instructor sweats in his nervousness, and he fails to convince.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He was
not the man who waited wondered after Rose.<span>
</span>He was another.<span> </span>He was The Tail.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Perspectives
in Medieval Thought.<span> </span>Something of that
nature.<span> </span>High 200s, so the students there
knew what they were in for.<span> </span>Near the
front, a stunning girl in a white cotton sweater, and I am trying not to
imagine what kind of panties she is wearing, what kind of devil’s business she
will be about tonight.<span> </span>The rest of them
are men or else manlike women.<span> </span>I am
drawn back to her blonde hair and her restless curves, her gaze inexplicably
intent upon him.<span> </span>The rest of the room is
bored.<span> </span>The remainder of the student body
have left their headstrong houses elsewhere.<span>
</span>Whiteboard markers.<span> </span>The blue is
running out of ink.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Nervous,
so nervous he is.<span> </span>Long hours of study
stretching back to the Hadean Era.<span> </span>We
pad our libraries with boys just like him.<span>
</span>They line the walls within the archives, and their searches after
knowledge are not satisfied.<span> </span>Back and
forth between lecture hall and library, between library and dormitory,
compiling notes, outlining papers, and questing after favors.<span> </span>A long line of serious men to set the tone of
the inquisition, their opinions absolute, their stares hardened by the passage
of so many eager and inadequate younger men.<span>
</span>And then there comes to us one who is more desperate than the others,
and we place our mark upon him.<span> </span>We claim
him as our own.<span> </span>He bears the weight of
this mark into the lecture hall, and in turn others will bear his
judgment.<span> </span>Others who are just as nervous
as he now is.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>But one
wonders how he could have bungled this, this first day, so badly.<span> </span>After all there was only a syllabus to be
passed out.<span> </span>There were only a few words
of introduction wanting.<span> </span>An outline of
an outline, and everyone would have left satisfied at this introduction to
obscurity.<span> </span>Yet it is his presentation
that is the problem.<span> </span>His stuttering. <span> </span>His high-pitched nasal voice.<span> </span>His lack of confidence, though there are some
who say that he already knows his field better than other, more learned men.<span> </span>A genius for history, I have heard some
say.<span> </span>A gift, and behind every gift a
secret motivation.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">8</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">But you don’t know him, my friend.<span> </span>This man who has born up until this date so
many scratches upon his name.<span> </span>He might
have ventured out before a crowd of discreet unquiet learners, and he might
have attempted to hold back their masses with words and opinions borrowed from
others, sometimes borrowed from himself, but you have not tasted the shame of
his failures, and known the weight of each, secreted within the deepest
recesses of a history that he will never confess.<span> </span>To send sparks across the heavens like a
shooting star.<span> </span>To shine brilliantly.<span> </span>Yet for every shooting star one must pay the
price in degradation, and he has paid it out beneath the smothered opinions of
those higher up.<span> </span>They have humiliated
him.<span> </span>He has been approved.<span> </span>So to walk through fire, and to carry on the
fight, though the wounds still sting.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">9</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Even
this syllabus he has passed out to me.<span>
</span>It is all wrong.<span> </span>I am leafing
through the pages that are leaves, and I see that page numbers do not match,
and the required readings that have been required are not required by the
syllabus.<span> </span>What anxiousness must have
engendered this analog of misinformation.<span>
</span>I can see here within the document a discouragement.<span> </span>The reputation of this young lion is cast
into doubt.<span> </span>How could he have failed in
this?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Minutes
pass.<span> </span>Class peters out.<span> </span>The students are growing
confrontational.<span> </span>A larger smaller man
near the sidereal view challenges his knowledge of the subject.<span> </span>This man before them, this young man posing
as an instructor, seems too young all of the sudden, seems inferior to the task
at hand.<span> </span>But I thought that it was this
way because of something I read in a book long ago.<span> </span>But I thought that it was this way because of
something seen in a movie.<span> </span>But I think
you are wrong because you are too young to be my master.<span> </span>You are too young and not attractive
enough.<span> </span>You have not earned the right to
stand before me.<span> </span>Your syllabi are proof
of this.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Trying
to end his dire episode, he switches veins to a presentation on Church
history.<span> </span>Fingers manipulate power
sources.<span> </span>Various implements fail to
work, and are adjusted, fail to work, and are adjusted a second time.<span> </span>The screen, and a title that has nearly been
misspelled.<span> </span>Slides out of order, I
think, and with a trembling hand he realizes the same.<span> </span>No method in his madness, if not madness,
then anxiety, if not anxiety, then unreasoning overconfidence.<span> </span>So hard to read his expression.<span> </span>Is it arrogance, that has brought him to
this?<span> </span>Is it fear?<span> </span>I know that he has worked so long and so hard
to arrive at this moment.<span> </span>I know that it
has always been his dream to stand before a class as he stands before a class
now, and this is why I’m tempted to dismiss the failure as nerves, though
perhaps I you we are wrong.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Some
Mormon girl at the back of the class.<span>
</span>Too pure to want to fuck, and we all hate Mormons anyway.<span> </span>It is only that we are too enlightened and
too accepting to admit it.<span> </span>Their sad
religion.<span> </span>Their faith.<span> </span>Their invincible convictions.<span> </span>Would that she were not a Scientologist.<span> </span>And he has offended her, with this
Powerpointed presentation.<span> </span>He has
already offended the completion of Mormons, everywhere.<span> </span>She is asking him what he meant by that last
comment, even though it had little to do with her convictions.<span> </span>She knows that the outside world is against
her, simply because she’s a Mormon and she’s too far from desert climates and
tabernacle choirs.<span> </span>She wants him to
clarify, but he will not.<span> </span>He has already
passed her by.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>If I am
in one location at the back of the class then I am also in another location at
the front of it.<span> </span>If I carry the poison
in my head, then in my tail which I bite with rage lies the remedy.<span> </span>I can look out at them all from the
whiteboard where I hold my blue whiteboard marker, and I can also view myself
from the vantage of years later wherein I pass judgment on another young man,
just as deluded as myself.<span> </span>I can also
pose as a lace bra beneath a cotton shirt, or else the armor of god beneath her
clothes.<span> </span>I am a source of
complaints.<span> </span>I am one who monitors such
complaints.<span> </span>I watch him and he watches
me, and I watch from the other side of a turned off television where he is
not.<span> </span>They say that he fucks boys or
wants to be fucked by boys.<span> </span>They say
that he is a stranger who does not play the game.<span> </span>They say that she is his wife, but I do not
yet know if they are referring to the Mormon or that pretty sexy girl in the
front of the class. <span> </span>Surely not that
lovely one.<span> </span>Why would she want to be
with him?</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">10</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">If a professor was to write one line for each year,
and to place each year in sequence all the way back to the beginning of the
world, one would only have a moderately-sized book to place on the shelf in the
library.<span> </span>If a lover of ladies was to
secret each of his ladies into an alcove between the shelves, all of the ladies
within his life would only take up a single floor within this single library,
which is comprised of so many floors, each succeeding the next right down to
the core of the Earth and right up to the astronomical limits of our collective
perception.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
Library sits in a city that sits astride its own history.<span> </span>This history, and the theory of which he has
failed to master.<span> </span>For him the flow of
time only flows in one direction: backwards.<span>
</span>Or else it flows toward tomorrow, and he has turned his head in the
wrong direction.<span> </span>A brief time for
history.<span> </span>This is all he wishes for
himself.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">A still boat glides
upon unstill waters, and beneath the city lights which are reflected back up
into infinity by the still waters there lies a sedimentary layer of books which
are all historical in nature, with a line for each professor and lover and
lonely man and failure, with a line for each thought of success and glory, with
a line for each breath taken in and out and these are the very lines that
compromise the books that fill the library which exists beneath the substratum
of the precipice between oneself and the continual ending of the world.<span> </span>In the lover’s hand a single book that he
will not caress.<span> </span>In the teacher’s hands
a single book untaught.<span> </span>And this book is
The Words of Trismegistus, and these words are:</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-31171670894623041632015-04-19T18:51:00.001-07:002015-04-19T18:51:15.280-07:00Chapter Three<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The university is so quiet after hours.<span> </span>If one were to listen carefully, the dominant
strain is the rustling of leaves.<span> </span>All of
the voices heard between lamplit avenues are far off, and indistinct.<span> </span>Elms bode between buildings imported from
someone’s idea of the Ivy League, and a slight wind whispers through the cold
and almost vacant stonework.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
Tail is sitting in his office in the Humanities building.<span> </span>The Humanities building is an uninteresting
brick structure, five or six floors high, nestled amidst a clutter of other,
equally uninteresting brick buildings.<span>
</span>Some of these buildings are older, stately edifices dating back to the
1800s, while others are less tasteful architectural experiments that recall the
postwar years, and more serious students in ties and slacks.<span> </span>The elms that harbor these buildings are
perhaps the oldest things here, some of them dating back to a time when more
adventurous souls began to move away from old Seattle, and to carve the
forested hillside of the lake into roads, single-family dwellings, and the odd
commercial venture.<span> </span>Now an institution
of higher learning, this same hillside more closely resembles a park, with vast
shadowed lawns sloping down toward the bottom of a hill.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The Tail’s office is
on the second floor of the Humanities building, with a window that looks down
on these lawns as they vanish into the benighted periphery.<span> </span>His office is halfway down a long, wide hall
that brings a younger sort of America to mind, a neoclassical sort of America,
with polished wooden floors that have weathered the passage of so many feet,
and sturdy wooden doors beneath plaster ceilings.<span> </span>There is a weight of time upon this
place.<span> </span>It is not a weight that one feels
in other, newer parts of the university.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
listens to footsteps recede down the hall outside his office.<span> </span>A door opens somewhere, and they are
gone.<span> </span>No, he will not listen to those
footsteps.<span> </span>They were never here.<span> </span>They are gone.<span> </span>He will not listen.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">If he so desired, the
Tail could walk through the campus, and easily imagine that he was the only
person there.<span> </span>He could walk all through
the Humanities building, all the way down to the bottom of the hill, all the
way down to the university hospital, and not see a soul.<span> </span>Of course he knows that there are others like
him in the buildings, all of them locked away in offices much like his
own.<span> </span>And he knows they are all wasting
time, or else working desperately to finish something they’ve been putting off
for weeks.<span> </span>But it would be easy to imagine
that he is the only person on that campus, so pervasive is the stillness at
that hour.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">No footsteps now.<span> </span>Nothing.<span>
</span>They were never here.<span> </span>Nothing has
changed, and there is only the stillness that cold weather brings.<span> </span>He can hear only the season outside the door,
and he is willing himself to unremember what they told him.<span> </span>He has forgotten already.<span> </span>There was no one.<span> </span>No footsteps.<span>
</span>Nothing.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
turned forty years old today.<span> </span>He turned
forty years old in his office with his desk, his office chair, and his shelves
bearing centuries of history.<span> </span>It is his
birthday, and he is now four decades old.<span>
</span>It is his birthday, and he is trying not to think about how many years
might lie before him.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He is not a man that most
would describe as handsome, yet he is not a man remarkable enough to be
ugly.<span> </span>His eyes lie hidden behind his
spectacles, and if others find the intensity of his gaze disconcerting, he
cannot be blamed for it.<span> </span>The fires that
burn within him were kindled long before.<span>
</span>The impulsiveness of his nature has been harnessed to circumstance, and
his occasional flights of poetic fancy have been shackled to a life badly
lived.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He is wearing tan
slacks and a white dress shirt.<span> </span>He is a
married man, and the ring upon his finger still gives him a sense of
satisfaction.<span> </span>Even after so many
years.<span> </span>He will never know what he, the
shy sensitive boy encased in a much older body, did to deserve his loving
wife.<span> </span>He has never looked too deeply into
the matter, because he is afraid of the answer he will find.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He sits at a large oak
desk with a glass top.<span> </span>This desk is much
older than he is, and the metal fittings and assorted knobs upon its drawers
were fashioned in Pennsylvania, in the 1920s.<span>
</span>The oak was harvested somewhere in the eastern US, and the metal
fittings and knobs may not be the original fittings and knobs, which he
suspects rusted away due to neglect.<span> </span>He
is sitting in a modern black office chair, purchased with university funds five
years previous, and manufactured in China.<span>
</span>His laptop, this year’s model and assembled in Taiwan, sits before an
older PC on his desk.<span> </span>Next to the door
there is a wooden coat rack and a framed photo of his family, his wife and two
daughters.<span> </span>Beneath this is a
reproduction of a woodcut taken from some medieval source, an alchemical
allegory involving a flying lizard, flames, and an androgynous figure holding a
scepter.<span> </span>Two sets of shelves, extending
from the floor to the ceiling, cover the walls in front and behind him, and
upon these shelves are books in English, Latin, German, French, Greek, Spanish,
and Italian.<span> </span>Many of these books are
very dusty, very worn, and certainly out of print.<span> </span>Some of the books look positively
ancient.<span> </span>Next to his desk is the window,
and that side of the room is bare save for a clock that hangs upon the wall.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He’s
working on the last few pages of a textbook.<span>
</span>He is writing this textbook in conjunction with several other prominent
historians, and it is still a long way from completion.<span> </span>Later comes proofreading.<span> </span>Later come peer reviews.<span> </span>He has been put in charge of the chapters
near the end, those concerned with modern problems and modern life.<span> </span>He tries to sound very open-minded as he
writes about cloning, nanotechnology, and global warming, but he fears that
within himself there lies a much older man, half-slumbering, who would usurp
his words for other, crotchety ends.<span> </span>He
wants to write as a younger man would write, but he is on the verge of being
old.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
wants to finish his pages quickly so he can go home.<span> </span>He has told himself that he must finish ten
pages a day.<span> </span>He cannot explain why, but
a sense of urgency mediates against his desire to finish the pages.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span><i>No one is here</i>, he tells himself.<span> </span><i>I have
been alone for hours.</i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He is writing a
chapter on biotechnology and population pressure, but other thoughts
intrude.<span> </span>He is writing, but his thoughts
are far away from the page.<span> </span>He is
wondering why his penis doesn’t work anymore.<span>
</span>He is thinking about how unsatisfied his wife must be.<span> </span>He is meditating on Viagra, on the wrinkles
around his eyes, and on the idea of obsolescence.<span> </span>He is reflecting on the day before, when he
asked her if she ever thought about cheating on him.<span> </span>He expected her to say no, but instead she
just smiled strangely, and told him not to worry.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">In the end, he thinks,
we all become our fathers and our mothers.<span>
</span>He reflects on his own father, even as he tries to assemble coherent
thoughts on the human genome.<span> </span>He
realizes, at last, what an impotent man his father must have been.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He has
been alive for forty years, and here he sits in his office, alone.<span> </span>He has occupied this office for so many years,
and he knows this office like he knows his own skin.<span> </span>Even those books upon his shelves, he knows
them like his own skin.<span> </span>He has read all
of those books, and he has searched for the enlightenment they offer.<span> </span>His moments of realization were
fleeting.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Most of those books
were merely a means to an end.<span> </span>They were
the means of passing a test, or of writing a paper, or – as now – of writing
another book.<span> </span>This book he is writing,
in turn, will be a means to an end for other people.<span> </span>They will study his book in order to pass a
test or write a paper, and if they are ambitious enough they will one day write
enough papers and pass enough tests to write their own books, books that will
make his own seem antiquated, unfashionable, and irrelevant.<span> </span>One generation cannibalizing the ideas of the
previous generation.<span> </span>The young standing
upon the stooped shoulders of the old.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He has studied a great
number of books, and his books have been studied in turn.<span> </span>All of the books were about other books,
written by people about other people.<span>
</span>Now at forty, he asks himself if all of the books written by all of the
people really uncovered some bit of relevant information that everyone didn’t
already know, or if they were not all exercises in triviality.<span> </span>“Of making books there is no end,” said The
Preacher, “And in much study there lies a weariness of flesh.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
cannot say how many hours, or how many days of his life have been exhausted in
this room, and at this desk.<span> </span>He has the
feeling he wouldn’t like the answer.<span>
</span>From the beginning he has seen a worth in human knowledge, but at this
moment, in the throes of his fortieth name day, he can see only futility in his
strivings after Truth.<span> </span>Perhaps he was
looking too hard at books, when he should have been living life more fully.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And
yet, he has had a few friends – now friends no longer - who have done just
that.<span> </span>Here he is, not so many years
later, with some of those friends dead, and others poor, and still others
ruined in other ways.<span> </span>These friends
burned brightly for a moment, but their fires were quickly extinguished.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
should put something in here about fuel cells.<span>
</span>What was it that Ryerson said about the fuel economy?<span> </span>There should be a quote he can work in after
the fuel cell part.<span> </span>Nothing in his books
about that.<span> </span>Maybe he can find something
with Google.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He knows librarians
that despise the Internet.<span> </span>They think
that the sum of what we know can still – with the right footnotes – be
contained in periodicals and shelves of books.<span>
</span>Even to him, who has been for so much of his life the slave of books,
this sort of librarian is a sad, fossilized creature, better forced into
retirement.<span> </span>The Internet is not going
away.<span> </span>The future, however disquieting,
is upon us.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>His
wife is at home.<span> </span>His daughters are
asleep.<span> </span>And here he is alone,
again.<span> </span>That feeling of urgency pushes
through.<span> </span>Something tells him that he
should go see his wife.<span> </span>He told her this
morning that he would be home much later, but he suddenly feels so mournful and
lonely.<span> </span>He never would have thought that
his 30s – his dismal 30s – could shine so brilliantly.<span> </span>Old, old, old… and his wife might comfort
him.<span> </span>She might help him to forget.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Yes,
there are times when it is better to forget.<span>
</span>Footsteps echo through his brain.<span>
</span>But he has to remind himself again that he has been alone the whole
time, and that he has received no visitors.<span>
</span>There is nothing to worry about, because no one has been by.<span> </span>No sounds of footfalls in the hall.<span> </span>No one is there.<span> </span>Nothing.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
turns off his laptop and leaves everything at his desk.<span> </span>He stands up slowly, knowing that there will
be much more work the next day.<span> </span>The
publisher can wait, and he won’t write anything worth reading now anyway.<span> </span>What does he know about global warming?<span> </span>What can he say about Microsoft and
anti-trust legislation?<span> </span>Oh, he is an old
man today.<span> </span>He is old and he doesn’t want
to die.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
picks up his coat from the back of his chair and pulls down a few books for
tomorrow.<span> </span>From his office he walks down
the hall without locking his door, and at the end of the hall he pushes through
a pair of antique double doors and steps out into the cool night air
beyond.<span> </span>It is a chilly night in October,
and the leaves are beginning to fall.<span> </span>A
great elm stands above him, and the footpath is wet.<span> </span>He breathes in autumn as he heads towards his
car.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>As he
walks his shoulders slump forward, making him appear much shorter than he truly
is.<span> </span>He has an odd way of walking, with
his heels rising up too high behind each step, and his feet striking the ground
at an unusual angle.<span> </span>He wears orthopedic
shoes to correct for abnormally shaped feet, but these shoes were employed very
late into his forty years, and by that time his eccentric gait had developed
beyond his shoes’ ability to correct for it.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
cement path leads him through drifts of leaves around to the eastern side of
the building, and as he walks the glare from a few office windows above make
squares and rectangles upon the path where he is walking.<span> </span>The path leads around a dark hedge, and past
the hedge there is a parking lot illuminated by street lights that trace the
progress of an adjoining road up the hill and out of the campus.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">His car, a
dark-colored Toyota missing a hubcap, sits very close to where the path meets the
parking lot.<span> </span>There are only two other
cars parked there, and also a mountain bike chained to a nearby lamppost.<span> </span>He enters the clean interior of his car,
starts the engine after a couple of unsuccessful attempts, and after backing
out a few yards he begins driving out of the parking lot, up the road that
leads away from campus.<span> </span>He doesn’t
listen to music as he drives.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
drive home takes him about fifteen minutes.<span>
</span>He turns right on 45<sup>th</sup>, with the frat houses and sororities
visible across the street.<span> </span>45<sup>th</sup>
leads him across a downward slanting bridge in front of the University Village
shopping center, and on the other side of the bridge he navigates the
complicated interchange in front of the shopping center, and continues east
into the suburbs.<span> </span>The streets are very
dark, and there are few other cars on the road.<span>
</span>He follows the road up and down over hills, steadily advancing towards a
neighborhood on a ridge that overlooks Lake Washington, not far from Magnuson Park.<span> </span>Then he turns left, and traces the crest of
the ridge to his house, which is found along a curving street to his left.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
pulls up into the driveway of his house, a handsome two-story property with a
magnificent view.<span> </span>It is a white house
with a sloping shingled roof and a tall chimney, with white siding and two
large sets of windows looking out from both floors.<span> </span>It is the sort of house they built in the
50s, with solid foundations and straight nails.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He notices a light
shining from behind a window on the first floor, where the living room would
be, and thinks it strange that this should be the only light still visible from
the outside of the house.<span> </span>He then
considers going back to the university, or to a bar, somewhere with people, but
quickly decides against these other options.<span>
</span>He searches his pockets for his house keys as he exits his car, walking
heavily toward the front door.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>That
sense of wrongness invades him once again.<span>
</span>He places his key within the lock.<span>
</span>Maybe it is just his age he is feeling.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The key
turns within the lock, and the light from the driveway spills in through the
doorway where he is standing, poised as if to enter.<span> </span>Suddenly so many conversations crowd into the
forefront of his consciousness, things said between him and his wife on so many
different occasions. <span> </span>Things he
said.<span> </span>Things he didn’t say.<span> </span>Things she said.<span> </span>Things she didn’t say.<span> </span>He pulls open the door, and steps inside.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>This is
when he hears the noise from his living room.<span>
</span>This is when all of the forty years up until today, all the years, all
the days, and all the minutes reveal to him the sum of his human knowledge;
when they reveal to him that he is, and always has been, a fool.<span> </span>And as he thinks back upon all these years,
and days, and minutes, and all of his loving memories of a wife and children, a
vast blackness descends upon his thoughts, deeper than any sadness over growing
older.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>This is
how he knows that this is not the beginning, but rather the beginning of the
end.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-25012382023490793312015-04-19T18:49:00.000-07:002015-04-19T18:49:07.804-07:00Chapter Four<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">1</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Wherein lies yesterday?<span> </span>Scientists speak of a double helix.<span> </span>It might have been like in that movie where
the alien disintegrates into an Icelandic river, but I don’t think so.<span> </span>Everyone knows that aliens fail to frequent
Iceland.<span> </span>Iceland is too cold for conscious
alienation, however original the isolation or extrasensory the terrestrial.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>But we
are already starting off on the wrong foot here.<span> </span>I was planning on starting a discourse on the
evolution of life, right back to the clay crystals near the thermal heating
vents at the bottom of the ocean, or else back to some transpermian origin
point beyond the stars.<span> </span>Possibly
Halley’s comet.<span> </span>Possibly Mars.<span> </span>Possibly everywhere.<span> </span>Life like background radiation.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He said
that it was all in our DNA.<span> </span>Or maybe it
was RNA.<span> </span>I’m not sure.<span> </span>What I am sure about is that the presence of
that alien fails to account for several million years of evolution, no matter
how closely aligned his arrival may have been with the cooling down of the
planet.<span> </span>You just can’t get here from there.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>But I
can tell you about mirrors. <span> </span>Mirrors that
reflect our images back at us.<span> </span>Mirrors
that reflect us back at our images.<span>
</span>Light bounces off a surface, and all is illuminated.<span> </span>One might also think of DNA as a kind of
mirror – or perhaps I should say a system of mirrors – bouncing messages from
one generation to the next, back and forth through time.<span> </span>On the quantum side of things, a strand of
DNA (or is it RNA?) might be viewed as a chain, or perhaps a ladder, and this
chain links the distant past to the present end of the world.<span> </span>On the quantum side of things, the arrow of
time points any way we want it to.<span> </span>That
is, on the quantum side of things.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>So when
she tells us about the end of the world we have to go right back to the
beginning.<span> </span>Our DNA compels us to do
so.<span> </span>We cannot just start with the
beginning of the end and work from there.<span>
</span>No, we have to go right back to the beginning of the beginning, and from
that point trace the Great Error’s route through our soon-to-be-halted
evolution.<span> </span>Were they or you or I to
start with contemporary events, we would be lying.<span> </span>Lying next to unstable mirrors is a dangerous
undertaking, because sometimes mirrors shatter.<span>
</span>This is the wherein where yesterday lies.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">2</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">At the beginning of things (and this is not our true
beginning), there was Theia.<span> </span>Theia was a
planet that followed our own around the sun, in a nearly identical orbit.<span> </span>No one thinks about Theia much these days,
probably because she killed herself before life on Earth was even possible, or
probable, or at least engineered by an alien or aliens from a Ridley Scott
movie.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Theia
was a planet, and planets cannot love.<span>
</span>As such, the story of our love has not begun yet, and Theia orbits at
the margins of this story.<span> </span>Planets are
not even alive.<span> </span>They cannot feel.<span> </span>They are barren, unless they harbor
life.<span> </span>I think.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>According
to one theory, Theia was about the size of Mars.<span> </span>Gravitational perturbations caused her to
collide with our infant Earth roughly 30 to 50 million years after the
formation of the solar system, though there is some evidence that this
collision may have occurred more recently.<span>
</span>After impact, Theia’s iron core penetrated right down to the center of
the Earth, and much of both Theia’s and the Earth’s mantles were ejected into
orbit, forming the moon.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>This is
one theory, anyway.<span> </span>Just looking at moon
rocks, it’s hard to tell.<span> </span>It may be that
Theia and the infant Earth truly were alive, and that planets mate in some
other fashion, known only to fashionable planets.<span> </span>Meiosis on a planetary level, I think, with
the Earth as a single gamete.<span>
</span>Recombination on a global scale.<span>
</span>Or else a hermaphroditic mode of reproduction.<span> </span>Or, self-organizing systems aside, a traffic
accident in a void.<span> </span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The empty places were
always full of eyes.<span> </span>One single
spherelike being that looks outward or inward only at itself, seeing aspects of
itself, never seeing the whole.<span> </span>Mirrors
elongate.<span> </span>Mirrors shatter.<span> </span>In the end they will never know anyway.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“We are not finished
yet,” said The Character From a Science Fiction Novel That Has Yet To Be
Written, “The electron is pushing us back all the way to the beginning of the
end.”</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
supposed impact with Theia brought to a close the Hadean era of Earth’s
history.<span> </span>Developments during the Hadean
era included continual meteorite bombardment, large-scale volcanism, and the
formation of liquid water.<span> </span>So as you can
see, it all goes back to extraterrestrials.<span>
</span>That is what they tell him in his sleep.<span>
</span>That is what they tell her in her silent time.<span> </span>That is the story they tell.<span> </span>A planet orbits over the surface of space and
is reflected in the infinite.<span> </span>It
collides with its own likeness, and we are born out of Nothing.<span> </span>So sayeth the Preacher.<span> </span>So sayeth the man who holds the door.<span> </span>So sayeth the creature that will not perish
in the flames.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-80231946114844211732015-04-19T18:47:00.003-07:002015-04-19T18:47:41.527-07:00Chapter Five<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The Remedy was halfway through his junior year at
George Washington Carver High.<span> </span>He was
sitting in the back of the class, avoiding eye contact with the other
students.<span> </span>He was drawing a picture in
pencil upon the top of his desk.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>On that
day he was in a reflective mood.<span> </span>It
might have been because it was his birthday, and he had just turned 17 years
old.<span> </span>It might have been for some other
reason.<span> </span>He was drawing a picture of a
car poised between palm trees, but he was thinking of neither cars nor palm trees.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He was
a handsome young man, with the face of a movie star.<span> </span>His body was a source of pride to him, though
he exercised infrequently.<span> </span>He had a
smile that put others at ease, and almost everyone liked him, even if he was a
little lonely in their company.<span> </span>He was
never completely confident in his hold over other people, and behind his
earnest understanding of other people’s struggles, there lurked an insecurity
born of abandonment.<span> </span>He tried to have
faith in other people, but life had taught him otherwise.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He was fashionable
without trying to be so, coming to school each day in the same coat and jeans,
and in the same worn down shoes.<span> </span>He was
also approachable.<span> </span>He was the young man
you wanted for a friend, or for a lover.<span>
</span>Even in the midst of his quiet moment, surrounded by so many other
nervous bodies, his distracted movements had a way of drawing the eye, as if he
knew he was being watched, wherever he was.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The classroom where he
sat was spacious, but one could tell that behind the posters there was drywall
that crumbled to the touch, and bad wiring.<span>
</span>The panels of lights in the ceiling were off that day, and sunlight
entered the class from a row of windows to his left.<span> </span>Peeling brown vinyl blinds were pulled
halfway down over these windows, minimizing the glare. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The rows of desks
where the too-large students sat were creaky, Soviet things hacked at and
polished over by graffiti experts.<span> </span>The
backs of the chairs were all falling off slowly.<span> </span>Male classmates lounged in tracksuits and
expensive sneakers.<span> </span>Female classmates
glittered in short denim skirts and jeans that accentuated their curves.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">14 of the other
students were male, and 16 of them were female.<span>
</span>The 30 seats that they occupied were divided into 5 rows of 6, with
enough room between the desks for the passing of notes and the sharing of
confidences.<span> </span>Most of the students were
black, Hispanic, or both, with a smattering of students from Southeast Asian
countries.<span> </span>The Remedy was the only
Caucasian in the class, though there was another young man who claimed to be “half
white.”</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The Remedy was friends
with all of these students to one degree or another, though he knew that these
friendships were not likely to last for long.<span>
</span>Some of his classmates had already chosen a slow trajectory towards
prison, while others were locked solidly within ethnic enclaves which were by
nature closed to white kids such as him.<span>
</span>He had slept with a few of the girls.<span>
</span>The Vietnamese girl sitting near the front, pretending not to see
him.<span> </span>The Eritrean girl to his left, stoned
and staring out the window.<span> </span>The Mexican
girl sitting behind him, scribbling away at something.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Before them all
stretched an antiquated blackboard, supplied with only a few sticks of chalk
and marred by a tag someone had incised into its surface with a knife or paper
clip.<span> </span>A magnet held an attendance sheet
to the board, and next to most of the names there were several X’s for days
missed.<span> </span>Only the Vietnamese girl could
claim perfect attendance.<span> </span>Not that she would
have ever boasted of such a thing.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>At the
front of the class, Ms. Lesiwski was talking about what art might be like in 25
years.<span> </span>Ms. Lesiwski was a woman in her
late 30s, and still attractive.<span> </span>She was
wearing a white blouse over a black skirt, and her curly brown hair hung loose
over her shoulders.<span> </span>She often gestured
toward the blackboard, as if there were notes left there for the class.<span> </span>Perhaps she had written notes for the
previous class, erased them, and then forgotten.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">She was his art
teacher, and the week before he had put his mouth on her pussy.<span> </span>This happened in that same classroom, long
after class had been dismissed. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">She had meant to talk
with him about his (bad) grades and lack of initiative, but halfway through her
speech he had placed his hand up the summer dress she’d been wearing, and the
encounter had gone his way from that moment on.<span>
</span>With her thighs around his head, her fingernails marking his scalp,
there was no way for her to bring up his troubles in school, his difficulty
reading, or a home life that he didn’t want to talk about.<span> </span>With her panties around one of her ankles, he
was master of the situation.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He wondered what
lengths she would go to, this Ms. Lesiwski.<span>
</span>She seemed to radiate a kind of desperation, and even in the middle of
her lecture he could feel her eyes straying in his direction, challenging him
to look up and see her.<span> </span>He had already
resolved not to appear too eager.<span>
</span>Despite her advanced years, he had, all in all, more experience.<span> </span>He was not some innocent boy, and he was far
from lovestruck.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
lifted up his binder to see a note written over his desk in pencil.<span> </span>Linda had Ms. Lesiwski’s class during third
period, and used the time to leave him notes.<span>
</span>She made a point of sitting at the same desk – his desk – every day, and
there was never a day without a note.<span>
</span>This note was asking him to call her that Friday.<span> </span>This note told him that she had tickets to a
concert at the Arena.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Linda wasn’t aware
that he had already fucked her friend Tracy the week before.<span> </span>Linda only knew about Judy, and Judy was too
long ago for her to be jealous over.<span> </span>If
Linda found out about Tracy, he was fairly certain that the ticket offer would
be rescinded.<span> </span>But then again, Linda had
known about Judy, and that hadn’t stopped her from inviting him to other
things.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>His
mind was full of black girls and Asian girls and white girls.<span> </span>Their images returned to him, out of
sequence.<span> </span>His thoughts flitted between
black girls in the locker room who couldn’t get enough, and from there to Asian
girls in study hall, with his hand on the smooth flesh of their thighs.<span> </span>He remembered white girls behind the
bleachers on the field, moaning into his ear.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Ms. Lesiwski was
Polish, and moreover a woman grown, so he was not sure where to place her in
his mental file cabinet.<span> </span>He had only
been with one other woman her age, and this other woman had been an
uncomfortable, entirely forgettable affair.<span>
</span>Ms. Lesiwski was better than that.<span>
</span>Ms. Lesiwski was worth remembering.<span>
</span>As he thought about her he could almost taste the salty wetness between
her legs, and feel her desperate hand probing the front of his jeans.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
bell rang and he got up to go.<span> </span>He was
the last to leave, and Ms. Lesiwski ran her hand down the small of his back as
he followed Brad Taylor and Leroy Jameson out into the hall.<span> </span>He knew that she wanted him, but it seemed
better not to appear eager.<span> </span>He also knew
that she was too scared to approach him in front of the others.<span> </span>He wouldn’t give her the opportunity to catch
him alone.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>That
was the last bell.<span> </span>It was time for
everyone to go home.<span> </span>But he really
didn’t want to go home, so he didn’t know what to do.<span> </span>His foster family lived within walking
distance of the school, but walking home was the last thing on his mind.<span> </span>That home was not a home he wished to
frequent.<span> </span>It never had been.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Outside
his art class, the hall was the usual press of bodies.<span> </span>Football players and other star athletes
gathered together around certain lockers, and others made haste for the doors
at the ends of the halls.<span> </span>Nervous
teachers darted in and out of doorways between the lockers, and many kept their
heads down, not sure what to think about anything or anyone.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The hallway he then
occupied was like any other hallway, in any other public high school.<span> </span>Rows of greenish lockers led down a central
hallway to an exit at the other end of the building, and punctuating every set
of lockers were the entrances to classrooms or bathrooms.<span> </span>All of the students in that place were, in
their own estimation, too mature for it, and they were all ready to leave
before they were truly ready to leave.<span>
</span>Their teachers were frumpy, older, balding, fat, or occasionally cool,
and all school staff were viewed with a mixture of condescension and pity.<span> </span>The students might congratulate themselves on
a soon-to-be achieved graduation, suspension, or expulsion, but the teachers
were chained to that place, and could only resign themselves to the presence of
students who often chose to defy whatever authority figures were at hand.<span> </span>The whiter teachers had it worse, even those
who championed lost causes.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
often asked himself how he, the Caucasian, wound up in a foster home with three
Mexican kids and foster parents who were only part white.<span> </span>He often asked himself how he wound up in a
high school so far from the gentler neighborhood where he was born.<span> </span>He bore no racial grudge against the
situation, but the different backgrounds of those in his foster home and those
in his school seemed like a recipe for trouble.<span>
</span>His Mexican foster siblings, even the default Mexican from El Salvador,
drifted naturally into the gang life of that neighborhood, while he, the lone
white kid, had no gang to retreat into.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">All the while his
foster parents tried to raise four very difficult young men.<span> </span>Mr. and Mrs. Jackson were two half castes of
uncertain origin, attempting to relate to foster sons from three different
countries.<span> </span>They couldn’t decide about
themselves, let alone decide about the young men who were living under their
roof.<span> </span>Even choosing a dinner menu proved
an almost insurmountable task.<span> </span>They
agonized between grits and spaghetti, between enchiladas and greens.<span> </span>There were times when no one knew what to
think, or what to do.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
Jacksons were his second foster family.<span>
</span>The first had been the Davidsons, who were as white as he was.<span> </span>But Mr. Davidson had been caught with a
collection of child pornography, and the fact that all the pictures featured
little girls failed to convince the CPS that the Remedy should remain in Mr.
Davidson’s presence.<span> </span>They packed him off
to the Jacksons’ before the judge had even handed down a sentence.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
Davidsons had lived in the suburbs, while the Jacksons’ house bordered the
ghettoes south of downtown.<span> </span>The paint
was peeling off the houses, and people parked their cars far from home.<span> </span>The city had never thought to place sidewalks
near his foster parents’ house, and his school’s gymnasium was a lawsuit
waiting to happen.<span> </span>It sometimes felt
like being in one of those inner city movies that were popular at the time –
something set in Los Angeles or New York – but most of the drama was
missing.<span> </span>Fights happened, yes, but few
were shot or stabbed.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">In that neighborhood
he had almost always been the only white kid in class, and usually one of the
few native English speakers.<span> </span>In
different circumstances he might have received beatings inspired by these two
facts, but his dyslexia had worked in his favor.<span> </span>From the beginning, other students knew that
they could best him in the game of school, and this had made him a desirable
companion.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>For
much of elementary school and junior high, he had known how to talk to girls,
and this had earned him the admiration of his male classmates.<span> </span>By the time high school had arrived, even the
boys that had teased him in elementary school were asking him how to woo the fairer
sex.<span> </span>Maybe he couldn’t read so well, but
he had girls buying him Valentine’s Day presents in the sixth grade, and he’d
been making love to them for almost as long.<span>
</span>He was nearly a father at thirteen, but the girl had miscarried - and
then committed suicide - and she had never told anyone about him.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
students in the hall were banging lockers and throwing on backpacks only partly
full of books.<span> </span>He said goodbye to a few
of them, went over to his own locker at the other end of the building, and
placed the binder he was carrying back inside.<span>
</span>The textbooks inside that locker were nearly untouched, and he kept no
personal items in school.<span> </span>All of his
precious things had to be hidden in places he never spoke of.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
talked to a couple of friends on his way out the door, and then headed down the
steps outside the building.<span> </span>As he
emerged from the doorway a car passed by the school, playing 2pac’s “I Don’t
Give a Fuck.”<span> </span>Below the steps lay the
street, and the sidewalk in front of the steps pointed towards either home or
lazy seclusion.<span> </span>He had a feeling of not
knowing where he was.<span> </span>He had a feeling
that everything had become alien.<span> </span>He was
also afraid to go home, even though it felt like that was a thing he should be doing.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Home was not a home
for him, yet all his friends were going home.<span>
</span><i>This is the worst kind of peer
pressure,</i> he thought,<i> to feel that
everyone is doing something you don’t want to do, and yet to feel that you
should be doing it simply because everyone else is doing it.</i><span> </span>In his mind’s eye he could see himself
hanging around street corners until 11 or so, achieving nothing save the worry
of his foster parents.<span> </span><i>How odd</i>, he thought, <i>that they should worry over me.</i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Poor
Mrs. Jackson.<span> </span>She was old and obese, but
maybe he should have fucked her.<span> </span>That
would have made things interesting.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>From
the front steps on the other side of the doors a chain link fence wound around
the school, and he gazed through the links of that fence at the city skyline,
just visible beyond rows of houses.<span> </span><i>This place</i>, he thought.<span> </span><i>This
place.</i><span> </span>And there was still one more
year of it.<span> </span>One more long year, unless
he decided to drop out.<span> </span>If he had been
allowed to remain in the white part of town, he’d probably still be reading
comic books and eating Pizza Hut.<span>
</span>Instead, he had social studies textbooks full of last year’s gang logos,
Mrs. Jackson’s uncertain dinner menus, and the feeling of always almost being
someone real.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>When
his parents died he wasn’t allowed to attend the funeral.<span> </span>People told him about it afterward.<span> </span>They said it was very nice.<span> </span>But he never got to go.<span> </span>No one would tell him why.<span> </span>After a while he began to think it was
because they had been too badly burned in the accident, and the mortician
hadn’t been able to put them back together properly.<span> </span>He had a lot of nightmares about his parents
looking at him from coffins, and in these nightmares they were too hideous for
the waking world.<span> </span>The doctors had put
him on meds for a while.<span> </span>He had stopped
taking the meds soon after.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>A gate
led through the fence, and then he was on the sidewalk in front of the
school.<span> </span>There were smallish houses on
the other side of the street, and the sky dimmed as clouds came in from the
east.<span> </span>On his right the road led down the
hill to the freeway, where the Rainier Brewery glowered over rush hour
traffic.<span> </span>To his left there were local
businesses, small Chinese restaurants and convenience stores that catered only
to locals.<span> </span>This was Beacon Avenue, and
it was very far from the world where he had spent his earliest days.<span> </span>Beacon Hill was another kind of suburb, but it
was built by darker shades of people.<span> </span>He
could not grudge these people their accomplishments; it was only that he felt
distanced from them.<span> </span>Perhaps he had
spent some time growing up in that neighborhood, but he still felt like a
stranger there.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He began
to walk left down Beacon Avenue, towards the strange little road that led over
the freeway.<span> </span>He was going to be out late
again, and Mrs. Jackson was going to wonder where he was.<span> </span>He had already decided this.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Perhaps
after he had fucked Mrs. Jackson they could be more like friends, and not so
much like a foster child and his foster mother.<span>
</span>He didn’t want another mother.<span>
</span>His mother was dead, and he knew that he would have to make his own way
from then on.<span> </span>This too he had decided.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-55752959448039494622015-04-19T18:45:00.001-07:002015-04-19T18:45:19.965-07:00Chapter Six<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">1</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The subsequent era or age, dubbed the Archean by
geologists, saw dramatic cooling of the Earth’s surface, and the dawn of life
as we know it.<span> </span>This life may have
originated near hydrothermal vents on the bottom of the oceans, or it may have
originated elsewhere.<span> </span>There is
speculation that terrestrial life may have extraterrestrial origins.<span> </span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">This is a proposition
that I want to assent to.<span> </span>It is easier
to think that we came from somewhere else, and that we never belonged
here.<span> </span>It is easier to think that way,
and this hypothesis also makes it much easier to explain why we killed
ourselves off in the end.<span> </span>Metaphorically
speaking.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>So
however life got started, the remainder was left as an offering, if not as a
thing offered to.<span> </span>For a time, life was a
short, brutal, and dark affair beneath the waves.<span> </span>Trilobites quickly transformed themselves
into fossils, and life inexorably made its way to the beaches for a better
perspective on history.<span> </span>Dinosaurs
disassembled themselves for the sake of future Smithsonians, and for a time the
world was populated by horrific creatures that spent inordinate amounts of time
eating one another.<span> </span>The world was
pristine and untouched by human pollution, and as such resembled nothing more
than Hell.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Until
another great rock came tumbling out of the sky, down into what would one day
be Central America.<span> </span>The monsters of the
Earth choked in the nucleus of their winter, and were not heard from
again.<span> </span>They might have called out to
invisible masters, beyond the stars.<span>
</span>Perhaps some of them were rescued, and live still lives apart from
Earth.<span> </span>Perhaps they were only allowed to
leave their suicide notes, accusing her.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And
then the mammals rose from obscurity, and here was something we could all
relate to.<span> </span>Of course we were there the whole
time, holding hands.<span> </span>You told me that
you loved me.<span> </span>And we were obliged to see
the little micelike creatures turn into monkeys, and the monkeys turn into
ourselves.<span> </span>This happened somewhere in
Africa, though we were not black or white or yellow then.<span> </span>We were still as we are now, or rather we
have ceased being.<span> </span>We might have built
an Atlantis or a Mu in that place.<span> </span>We
might have built the pyramids.<span> </span>We took
notes before the ending of our world, for the sake of future bibles.<span> </span>And I loved you.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And one
of us said this history does not exist, for there is no one to write it
down.<span> </span>It has been observed, but those
observations die with us.<span> </span>It might be
communicated, but our words will be distorted, taken out of context.<span> </span>Our story will mean one thing today and
another tomorrow, and in the end we will not recognize ourselves.<span> </span>We will be dead, and this history will have
never happened.<span> </span>Whatever the truth of a
thing is, will only seem so through the reasoning of the ever-changing present.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And she
told him to be quiet, and listen.<span> </span>They
told her not to worry, because the truth is, like the story told,
ever-changing.<span> </span>And perhaps in the middle
of that conversation we set up idols to our gods, and prayed, and feasted, and
talked about what was good.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Good and
evil being at the beginning of the world, always.<span> </span>They may have lived in trees, and only walked
part of the time.<span> </span>I might have seen you
through the branches, grooming another’s fur.<span>
</span>They were just mammals after all.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>One
chromosome is much like another.<span> </span>Genes
reflected monstrously in a hallway full of mirrors.<span> </span>This was a story that we told at the
beginning of a world that was always going to end.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">2</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“I can see a history of genes,” said Himself (or
Herself), “Waging war over Too Long Ago.<span>
</span>We are even smaller than the smallest of these genes now, and traveling
too fast to stop.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">3</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">But L. Ron was on drugs most of the time.<span> </span>He invited us aboard, and you, always hungry
for adventure at my expense, accepted the invitation.<span> </span>I knew that The Other was also aboard that
boat somewhere.<span> </span>Your husband.<span> </span>But I tried not to care.<span> </span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>L. Ron
had a little chest that he carried around with him, and in this chest could be
found all the fucking drugs in the world.<span>
</span>He brought his chest along when they had parties aboard The
Freewind.<span> </span>He showed his chest to rock
stars and movie stars and people who were a little bit of both.<span> </span>The faithful aboard the boat were never
allowed to view the contents of the chest, because L. Ron still believed that
he was the Commander of the Fleet, and that he had been a spy during the War,
and that he had been on many adventures in the mysterious East.<span> </span>L. Ron only showed the chest and the drugs to
people he wanted to impress, to people who had money.<span> </span>I don’t know why he wanted to show his chest
to you.<span> </span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>If some
alien or aliens have attempted to guide us toward some unquiet conclusion, they
have to know by know that it is a lost cause.<span>
</span>Wherever we came from, wherever we are going, they have to know that we
are bound for calamity, just as we are bound for destinations greater than any
rational mind could ever comprehend.<span>
</span>Aboard the boat I glimpse a plesiosaur through the waves, and I cannot
help but ask myself what you are doing, below decks, with Him.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-12045871621866734672015-04-19T18:43:00.003-07:002015-04-19T18:43:54.728-07:00Chapter Seven<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US">The Tail was again
in his office, writing another book, many years before.<span> </span>This book was to be the first volume in his
bibliography, an oft-cited work that a reviewer for the New York Times would
praise effusively.<span> </span>“…the author doesn’t
just make the material accessible,” wrote the review, “…but also relevant.<span> </span>His erudition and command of the subject make
the problems of long-gone ages our own, and brings the past into a very modern
context.”</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>This was after he was made full
professor, and also not long after the birth of his second daughter.<span> </span>His duties at that time included teaching,
advising within his department, and other administrative functions that were
difficult to keep track of.<span> </span>He was
realizing long-held dreams, and it was his firm belief that the personal and
professional jealousies that had thwarted him at earlier stages of his career
would begin to fade into the background.<span>
</span>His star would begin to rise.<span> </span>He
was sure of it.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>His book was still in outline form, but
he thought that if he could only write for an hour or two every day he would
finish it by the end of the year.<span> </span>It was
to be a biography of Thomas Aquinas.<span> </span>He
had already seen several papers published on the Late Middle Ages and various
theological topics, so Aquinas seemed both a safe object of study and a subject
likely to find an audience.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It was his intent to not only outline
the origins of Aquinas’ distinctive theology, but also to explain his ideas on
the nature of evil, his position on predestination, and his thoughts on several
well-known heresies of the period.<span> </span>The
Tail’s plan was to flash backwards and forwards through Aquinas’s life, perhaps
beginning with the great man writing the <i>Summa
Theologia</i> in seclusion somewhere, and ending with the finished book.<span> </span>He would then detail how the publication of
this major work had both vindicated Aquinas and shamed his more ardent critics.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>As he typed, he stole glances at a new,
silver-framed photo on his desk.<span> </span>It was
a picture of his infant daughter, just a few months old at the time.<span> </span>Her older sister was holding the new baby,
and the two of them were smiling in the presence of trees.<span> </span>This baby had been born the previous
February, and his wife had named her Christina.<span>
</span>Christina had very dark hair, much darker than either his own or his
wife’s.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>He loved the new baby to
distraction.<span> </span>When at home, he would hold
the child for hours.<span> </span>He would hold her
so long that his wife would grow jealous, and snatch Christina away.<span> </span>When he was alone, as he was while typing his
book, he liked to imagine her sleeping peacefully, her head full of gentle
dreams.<span> </span>His affection for this newer
child was not an emotion he had experienced before, and his desire to be near
her seeped into other pursuits, and often distracted him from other ambitions.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>On the previous day he had given a
lecture on the Cathars, and afterwards his class had entered into a lively
debate as to what might approximate the medieval concept of heresy in the
modern age.<span> </span>His class was in one of the
larger classrooms, in the same building as that which housed his office.<span> </span>The Tail and fifteen of his students were
gathered in a modern-looking room that was too large for their purposes, with
tasteful white office furniture and all the latest audio-visual equipment.<span> </span>It was at that time that one of his students,
a very original young man by the name of Kevin, made a case for certain
fundamentalist beliefs prevalent in American society, and also offered examples
of how these beliefs are transformed into policy by elected officials.<span> </span>Kevin then made an argument – quite
convincing to his professor – that in the modern age issues such as stem cell
research and abortion might indeed embody a kind of heresy, given a loose
interpretation of certain terms.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>The entire class was spellbound by
Kevin’s oratory, including his professor.<span>
</span>Kevin met all of their questions with an admirable flexibility and
open-mindedness, and by the end of the hour he had won many over to his point
of view.<span> </span>It was rare to encounter such a
mind as Kevin’s, one with such versatility, and one with such a wide-ranging
command of facts.<span> </span>The professor had
glimpsed himself in his student, and in that moment he felt a kinship with the
young man that he had not known before.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>Kevin was also a very handsome young
man, and the Tail was pleased to hold a private conversation with his student
the following morning, just a few hours before starting in on his day’s
writing.<span> </span>They met in the Tail’s office,
just after the Tail’s only class for that day ended.<span> </span>As Kevin walked through his office door, the
Tail could not help but appreciate his fine figure, dressed in the most tasteful
clothes.<span> </span>Kevin was wearing dark slacks
that looked tailored to his exact proportions, and a beige sweater that showed
his muscular arms and chest to full advantage.<span>
</span>Kevin’s long black hair – always immaculate – was parted to the side and
combed behind his ears, giving his face an earnest appearance.<span> </span>As it turned out, Kevin was also a history
major, and hoped to follow in his professor’s footsteps.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>The two of them talked for nearly two
hours, on subjects ranging from Late Antiquity to movie adaptations of medieval
events.<span> </span>Kevin sat very close to him as
they talked, and at several moments the older man felt the pressure of Kevin’s
fingers on his thigh.<span> </span>The Tail tried to
convince himself that Kevin’s touch was harmless, but as the conversation
progressed he grew steadily more aroused by the younger man’s attentions.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>This went on for several minutes, with
the Tail sitting there, holding forth on the history of Western civilization,
and hoping that the flush across his cheeks wasn’t noticeable.<span> </span>He was at the same time praying that the
erection straining against his corduroy pants wasn’t obvious.<span> </span>It was a game they played, the two of
them.<span> </span>And as they spoke, Kevin brushed
his hair from his eyes with a careless gesture, sometimes leaning back
reflectively, sometimes leaning forward to press his hand against the Tail’s
nervous leg.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“I like your book idea,” said
Kevin.<span> </span>“Aquinas is an interesting figure
– perhaps <i>the</i> most interesting figure
– from that era in Church history.<span> </span>He
was poised just on the brink of everything modern, just when the first inklings
of humanism began to appear in Europe.<span> </span>I
will agree that he was too much the man of faith for the Renaissance, but in a
way he perfected medieval theology, that is if medieval theology could ever be
considered perfect.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“Yes,” said the Tail, adjusting his
slacks and casting a glance downward.<span>
</span>“But I need more material on his attitude toward heresy.<span> </span>I’m trying to draw more of a link between him
and the Cathars, and I don’t really have enough to work with.<span> </span>Aquinas had his head further up in the
clouds, and drawing his particular brand of theology into that debate is
proving difficult.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“I’m sure you’ll think of something,”
Kevin said, “You are, after all, the most brilliant man I’ve ever met, and also
the most dedicated to his profession.<span>
</span>You have a way of… making the most difficult philosophical arguments
digestible, and your picture would also look quite dashing on a dust jacket.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>The Tail flushed a deeper shade of
red.<span> </span>Then, for an instant, their
conversation stalled as they looked one another in the eyes, not sure of how to
proceed.<span> </span>Kevin did his best to carry on,
unperturbed, but it was clear that his professor was addled, excited, and
unsure of how to go on.<span> </span>As the seconds
ticked by, the Tail saw Kevin’s natural friendliness shade over into worry, and
from there into pity.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“That’s very nice of you,” the professor
finally said, “But… well… as you can see I’m very busy here today.<span> </span>It’s been… nice talking to you?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“Sure,” Kevin said, and after a few
words of apology he claimed business elsewhere, leaving the Tail to sort out all
of his contradictory emotions.<span> </span>He
watched as the young man stood up, left, and quietly closed the office door
with a parting smile.<span> </span>He nodded vacantly
as the doorknob turned and the door latch clicked into place.<span> </span>His ears followed Kevin’s footsteps as the
young man walked down the outer hallway, toward the antique doors at the end of
that hallway, and onward into the whole wide world beyond his tiny office.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>For a long time he remained there,
trying to organize his thoughts.<span> </span>He
tried to frame the matter in academic terms.<span>
</span>He drew up several examples from history.<span> </span>He tried to bring in psychological
arguments.<span> </span>He tried not to think about
his mother, and the names she used to call him when she was holding the
scissors.<span> </span>He tried not to think of the other
little boys on a playground, long ago, calling him names.<span> </span>There was another little boy inside of him,
complaining that he was alone, and afraid, and that he had been misunderstood.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>He sat like this for a long while,
thinking.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span><i>Oh</i>,
he thought, <i>where is a path that I might
walk, between the fear of what has come before and the plans for what I have
after?</i><span> </span>He thought and thought and
thought.<span> </span>And while he thought, he tried
to rein his passions in.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>It wasn’t easy.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>He briefly wondered if he should tell
his wife about the encounter with Kevin.<span>
</span>No.<span> </span>He thought about his newborn,
and his wife with their daughters in their house.<span> </span>He thought about his new baby, and a voice
inside his head boomed, “No.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>He had to remind himself that he loved
his wife.<span> </span>He had to remind himself that
love wasn’t just about sex.<span> </span>He had to
remind himself to be calm.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>And then he realized that the door to
his office had been open the whole time, and that bits of their conversation
must have filtered into the hallway.<span> </span>Had
he said anything to incriminate himself?<span>
</span>Had he given something away?<span>
</span>People would think that he was gay.<span>
</span>People would think things.<span> </span>People
would talk.<span> </span>Inviting Kevin into the
office had been a mistake.<span> </span>He hadn’t
known himself then.<span> </span>He hadn’t realized.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>He had his career to think about, after
all.<span> </span>He had his family.<span> </span>He had risen to a point of security, and
wasn’t allowed such indiscretions.<span> </span>He
would need to be careful.<span> </span>Appearances
were important.<span> </span>Appearances were
everything.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>He opened the door and poked his head
out into the hall.<span> </span>No one was there.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>And then, keeping the door open, he very
self-consciously sat down at his desk once again, and turned on his
computer.<span> </span>It was time for him to get to
work.<span> </span>It was time to get some writing
done.<span> </span>It was time to put distractions
aside, and to remember what was important.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>He fell into a world of words, stealing
occasional glances at the framed photograph of his infant.<span> </span>Hours passed.<span>
</span>Then the phone rang, and he picked it up.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“Hello?” he said.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“Hey it’s me,” his wife answered, “What
time are you coming home?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“I don’t know,” he said.<span> </span>“Probably late.<span> </span>I have some things to correct, and then I
need to review some of the work the graduate students are doing.<span> </span>I’m almost done with my chapter for the day.<span> </span>Maybe around 7 or 8.<span> </span>How’s the baby?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“Just fine,” she said.<span> </span>“Sleeping.<span>
</span>She looks just like her father when she sleeps.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“Really?” he asked, “I can’t see the
resemblance, but I don’t look in the mirror much these days.<span> </span>Are you getting enough rest?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“Yeah,” she said, “I’m fine.<span> </span>I’m just bored.<span> </span>Haven’t been to work for so long, and the
house here just feels… weird.<span> </span>Christina
and Angela keep me busy enough, but sometimes I just feel lost.<span> </span>You ever have that feeling?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“No,” he lied, “But I’m sorry you feel
that way.<span> </span>Is there anything I can do?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“No,” she said, “I’m sure the feeling
will pass.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“I’m sure it will,” he said.<span> </span>“Just try to get out of the house more.<span> </span>Maybe you could take them for a drive?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“OK,” she said, “I’ll think about
it.<span> </span>I love you.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“And I love you,” he added
truthfully.<span> </span>“I love you more than
anything.<span> </span>You make me very happy.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“That’s good,” she said, “Very
good.<span> </span>I think to myself every day that I
made the right decision, marrying you.<span>
</span>You are doing so well for us, dear.<span>
</span>You’ve given us everything I ever wanted.<span> </span>I’m so glad I didn’t listen to my
mother.<span> </span>I’m so glad that I married you.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>“Your mother?” he asked, “Your mother
had a problem with me?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>There was a pause, and then, “No dear,
she had a problem with <i>me</i>. <span> </span>She loved you to pieces.<span> </span>It was me she had a problem with.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>And he would have asked her to explain,
but she had already hung up.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>As he looked down at his cluttered desk
he wondered how he could, really could, love her so much, and yet find it
nearly impossible to make love to her.<span>
</span>She was everything a man could want, and yet there he had been,
desperate for the touch of another man, just moments before.<span> </span>The whole thing seemed like a bad joke.<span> </span>Wasn’t love supposed to make sex easier?<span> </span>Or was it the reverse?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><span> </span>The Cathars, as Aquinas could have told
you, were accused of a belief in two gods: a pure, spiritual God, and the evil
God of the physical world, the God described in the Old Testament.<span> </span>He could not help but think that his love for
his wife was like the love of the Cathars for that Pure God.<span> </span>It was in many ways doomed to failure,
because, physical beast that he was, he lacked the refinement to realize
it.<span> </span>His flesh would always pull him back
into sin.<span> </span>The Evil God, the physical
god, would always have the last laugh.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-3540712028723394042015-04-19T18:41:00.002-07:002015-04-19T18:41:26.871-07:00Chapter Eight<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">1</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He had these little yellow pills that made you see
God, and God tended to look a lot like L. Ron.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“…and
this one time we were really, fucking, out-of-our-minds high – right? – and L.
Ron starts believing all those things he’s saying, and He starts talking and we
just can’t get him to shut up.<span> </span>And some
other guy sits up and just says, ‘Like cool it, you know?’ and then L. Ron
staggers up on four legs and explains it like this:</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“I am
the Way and the Life.<span> </span>If ye would be
saved, follow Me.<span> </span>And follow no other.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“For I
have seen the legions that gathered there, at the far side of the universe, I
have witnessed their a-massing, and indeed My Anger was kindled against them.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“For
they did gather up the number of My faithful; yeah, even the Thetans all, and
did imprison each and every one of them in a mountain, held fast within the
Earth.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“And
they transgressed further still, for in the midst of all those Thetans they
unleashed the power of many suns, so that the Thetans were all incinerated, and
their likenesses were not to be found upon this or any other Earth.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“But
the spirits of the Thetans, even these my faithful Thetans, were preserved in
my sight, and their unseen and unseeable selves did mingle with the primordial
stuff of the Earth, even unto the present age, so that you are all cursed with
their murder, and suffer greatly for it.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“But we
couldn’t figure out if he was a god then, and the boat was swaying back and
forth in the waves, and the little yellow pills were making us all seasick, and
he looked like, you know, terrible when he said that, and I thought that he
might kill somebody, or else throw one of us off the boat.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">You never knew what he
might do, and I feared that at any moment he would call you to his quarters,
and that I would be set adrift again, to wait for your return, just as The
Other did, silent and out of view.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">2</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">A telephone call again, as I am trying to
write.<span> </span>She is always doing this to
me.<span> </span>Disturbing me when I am trying to
concentrate.<span> </span>It is never enough for her
to have me the rest of the time.<span> </span>Nothing
is ever enough.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>But no,
maybe I’m being selfish.<span> </span>I mean, I
wasn’t really writing this.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">3</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Recent evidence suggests that the ruins of Atlantis
are to be found in Spain, north of Cadiz.<span>
</span>This evidence contradicts previous claims that Atlantis was located in
the Bermuda Triangle.<span> </span>While some still
maintain that Atlantis was (and is) to be found in the Caribbean, the evidence
pointing towards Cadiz is held in greater favor by most scholars.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Walking among the
ruins today, one finds little to suggest the splendor of the Atlantean kingdom
at its height.<span> </span>We must remember,
however, that many millennia separate the modern world from that of Atlantis,
and that the destruction wrought upon the Atlanteans by their extraterrestrial
foes was indeed comprehensive.<span> </span>Little
would have remained of the mighty city, and many prominent psychics have
suggested that entire sections of the city were removed and relocated to the
dark side of the moon.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Edgar Cayce, in his
studies of the vast Atlantean libraries, may have been aware of this fact, but
chose not to speak of it.<span> </span>It is well
known that alien beings still observe us from the lunar surface, and that the
more outspoken proponents of this hypothesis have either fallen victim to
“accidents,” or else vanished entirely.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>It has
been established in the previous chapter that Man, then a mere scavenger and forager
at the close of the Ice Age, was instructed in the arts of civilization by the
Atlanteans.<span> </span>He was taught to farm, to
domesticate animals, and even to form armies along Atlantean lines.<span> </span>This was done in order to prepare mankind for
the coming extraterrestrial threat, for even though the Atlanteans knew that
they could not avert the destruction of their own civilization, they realized
that within the burgeoning ranks of humankind lay a last line of defense
between the Earth and global annihilation.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>It is
also well known that the creature commonly known as “the Yeti” or “Bigfoot” was
in frequent communication with the Atlanteans, and that this creature often
appeared among our primitive ancestors as a kind of oracle.<span> </span>This large, hairy being was actually an
immigrant from the Alpha Centauri system, and was sent here to preserve the
harmony of our earthly communities against the hostile intentions of our
enemies.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">4</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Can’t seem to get comfortable.<span> </span>I’m holding the laptop while I type, but to
do so I have to put my feet up and then after ten minutes or so I begin to lose
the feeling in my legs.<span> </span>My daughters
keep walking by the open door which I am too lazy to shut.<span> </span>They want to talk to me and tell me about
their day.<span> </span>So many demands upon one’s
time, but only when one is self-absorbed in the typing of words.<span> </span>Or else I am not typing this at all.<span> </span>I am instead writing it within a notebook,
with her eyes in the back of my head.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">5</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“Whatever you do I know that you are a liar.<span> </span>You are a liar because I have made you
so.<span> </span>I tell you that I want your honesty,
but this is never an honesty I can accept. <span> </span>Your hunger for exploration is antithetical to
my desire for sameness.<span> </span>I want to put
you inside a box.<span> </span>I want to preserve
you, the way you are, forever.<span> </span>I do not
want to be surprised.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“This
prophet who rants in the corner of the room.<span>
</span>Pills.<span> </span>Always the pills.<span> </span>I take one thing and I am choking on
eternity.<span> </span>I take another thing and I am
so small that I cannot even find myself.<span>
</span>He is laughing at you.<span> </span>He wants
to fuck you.<span> </span>He is laughing.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">6</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He had these little yellow pills.<span> </span>But I wish I could just smoke some
grass.<span> </span>I am morose when stoned and
violent when drunk, and I don’t want my mind opened any further.<span> </span>I would rather remain ignorant of things that
I should not know anyway.<span> </span>All of these
billions of light years looking backward.<span>
</span>He is the one moving the camera.<span>
</span>He is the one deciding when to zoom in and pan out.<span> </span>He is the director, and the
cinematographer.<span> </span>He is the one writing
the script.<span> </span>He is producing the whole
thing himself, and if he doesn’t quite have enough money to finish the
production he can’t be blamed for it.<span>
</span>Some of the special effects are shoddily done.<span> </span>I can see a matte painting behind the tiny
spaceships, and the planets don’t turn the way they ought to.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>L. Ron
shows me through a door.<span> </span>On the other
side of the door I see a shining Arcadian city upon a hill, wherein pleasure
domes undecreed by Kublai Khan reside within view of a turbulent ocean - where
fish play.<span> </span>I see a noble race in robes,
existing in a kind of unambitious unmotivated peace that wills itself across
every future age.<span> </span>They hold their
conversations in agoras and beneath the pillared likenesses of Roman splendor.<span> </span>They enhance technologies that have yet to be
discovered.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Yet over everything
they do there is a shadow cast, a malignancy from another star.<span> </span>Over everything they do there is the mark of
Lucifer, of Xolotl, of that bright star which may originate in mourning.<span> </span>The empire of the distant star has sent its
probing eyes earthward, and the Atlanteans are too pure to defend themselves,
too inflexible in their equanimity.<span> </span>They
know that the end is nigh, but they are a people too close to nature.<span> </span>The passing of their season is not a thing
they can struggle against forever.<span> </span>In
the end they will lay down their arms before it.<span> </span>In the end they will be undone, with only
myths to guess the answer.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>A mote
passes through their midst.<span> </span>Inside the
mote I see two future selves, scrambling over their controls.<span> </span>This was a past they could not control for.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And if
I look close enough I can see that all of the starfighters are made of paper,
and the entirety of space is just a backdrop that you are holding up, a
backdrop hung heaving over your perfect breasts.<span> </span>He will have you tonight.<span> </span>I know it.<span>
</span>He will have you and I will not bear it, I cannot bear it.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“I am the Way and the Life.<span> </span>If ye would be saved, follow Me.”</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-3687277638233270542015-04-19T18:39:00.002-07:002015-04-19T18:39:24.514-07:00Chapter Nine<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The Tail and the Remedy were in the Remedy’s back
yard, playing with his collection of RoboLords.<span>
</span>It was a weekend afternoon, and everything was bright.<span> </span>The smell of distant barbecues filled the
air, and dragonflies hummed through nearby gardens.<span> </span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The Remedy had a large
back yard, which was well tended by his mother.<span>
</span>A wood fence that his father had built stretched around its perimeter,
and the spaces between his mother’s vegetable patch, the rear of their house, and
the abodes of various trees hosted well-watered patches of grass.<span> </span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The two boys were
kneeling before a young pine tree about twelve feet high, and if they had
looked behind them they would have seen the back of the Remedy’s house.<span> </span>It was a white house at that time, though his
father would later repaint it brown. <span> </span>In
the middle of the house there was a length of picket fence that concealed a
cement stairwell, and this stairwell led down to the basement of the
house.<span> </span>Above this picket fence there was
a large window on the left side of the house.<span>
</span>This window looked in on the room where the Remedy’s parents slept, and
there was a lampshade made of shells visible through the window. <span> </span>At the opposite end of the fence there was a
smaller window where the bathroom was, and this window was curtained from within.<span> </span>On the right of the picket fence a large
patio stretched across the remainder of the house, with steps that extended
upward into an alcove from which a kitchen could be accessed.<span> </span>Inside the patio was a selection of lawn
furniture, the Remedy’s BMX bicycle, and a pair of brown plastic garbage
cans.<span> </span>Next to the door at the top of the
patio stairs, within a window gazing out from the kitchen, the top of the
Remedy’s mother’s head could be discerned.<span>
</span>She was washing dishes at the kitchen sink.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The two
boys were an odd match.<span> </span>But pairs of
boys, before they are divided into different, older tribes, are often so.<span> </span>The Tail was a portly boy who wore thick
lenses over beady, squinting eyes.<span> </span>He
was without question the best student in their class, but carried about his
person the leprous stigma of unpopularity.<span>
</span>He was the kind of boy that other boys enjoy hitting.<span> </span>He was the kind of boy picked last for ball
games.<span> </span>He was the kind of boy that girls
fail to see.<span> </span>One hopes that we grow out
of such awkwardness, but sometimes we hope for too much.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
Remedy, on the other hand, was a very handsome boy.<span> </span>He was also given to boyish diversions.<span> </span>He watched the Seahawks, and almost shared
his father’s love of the game.<span> </span>He was
teased by girls, and he teased them back.<span>
</span>He was the one doing the picking during those ball games, and the first
to groan if the Tail joined his team.<span>
</span>His parents overindulged him, and he lived in a house full of things he
wanted.<span> </span>His life was something shiny and
resolute.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
Tail, unknown to his handsomer classmate, still wet the bed and mourned a
mother who drank herself to death.<span> </span>His
dreams were all fashioned from disappointments.<span>
</span>He held himself aloof, and looked out on the world with wary eyes.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He was still trying to
believe that he was a guest in this other boy’s house.<span> </span>He was still trying to believe that the
Remedy had invited him.<span> </span>He wasn’t used
to getting invited places.<span> </span>He wasn’t
used to playing with others.<span> </span>He wasn’t
used to almost having friends.<span> </span>It seemed
to the Tail that his stars had somehow aligned.<span>
</span>It seemed to him that all was right with the world.<span> </span>Again, one hopes.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
Remedy was holding CopperHead, poised over the enemy fortress they had
constructed from a piece of Styrofoam.<span>
</span>Copperhead was an anthropoid figure, resembling a yellow and tan
snake.<span> </span>CopperHead perched upon a vacated
anthill, which the Remedy imagined as a formidable peak, comparable to K2 or
Everest.<span> </span>The anthill stood above a
forest of grass, and from this higher elevation Copperhead was searching the
enemy fortifications for a weak point.<span>
</span>The Remedy’s bespectacled classmate, the Tail, was holding Magnetron in
a similar fashion.<span> </span>Magnetron was also
anthropoid, though his silver hue made him resemble a robot rather than a
snake.<span> </span>Both heroes readied themselves
for battle.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The two
boys were supposed to be constructing a diorama for their Language Arts class,
but the day was as young as they were, so there was no hurry.<span> </span>Within the Remedy’s house was a pile of
construction paper, a shoebox, two pairs of scissors, glue, and several sets of
markers – but these art supplies had been set out by the Remedy’s mother
without his knowledge.<span> </span>Instead of
completing their assignment, the two boys had retired to the back yard to contend
with GoldLord, their perennial archenemy.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Their diorama project,
assigned to them by their teacher Mrs. Tyler, was to be on a book of their
choice.<span> </span>One they had both read.<span> </span>The Remedy’s classmate, the Tail, was fond of
the Choose-Your-Own-Adventure books, so they had selected one of the more
“academic” books in that series.<span> </span>The
Remedy had had trouble reading even that of course, but he had sweated his way
through the first section, and he knew enough to pretend that he had read the
whole book.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">They had already spent
several minutes burying the Tail’s older RoboLords in his mother’s vegetable
patch.<span> </span>A proper burial for the fallen
seemed like a good prelude to battle.<span>
</span>Copperhead and Magnetron had both spoken at the service, each listing
their fallen comrades’ virtues, and reiterating their resolve to vanquish evil.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Clutched
within the boys’ hands, CopperHead and Magnetron charged the enemy fort, laying
waste to all who opposed them.<span> </span>GoldLord,
ever on the alert, allowed his minions to perish as he made for a nearby
tank.<span> </span>GoldLord, as his name implied, was
gold and had an extra set of arms.<span> </span>He
also wore a horned helmet, and wielded a rifle that shot small pellets.<span> </span>His escape effected, CopperHead and Magnetron
left the fortress in pursuit, CopperHead piloting a glider and Magnetron,
inexplicably, piloting a boat.<span> </span>GoldLord
fired a salvo of missiles at the two heroes, but failed to hit either of his
targets.<span> </span>At the last moment CopperHead
and Magnetron leapt from their vehicles, both descending upon the hapless
GoldLord at the same moment.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Victory
had been achieved.<span> </span>Democracy was safe
once again.<span> </span>Evil had been punished.<span> </span>And the two boys, suddenly bored of the action
figures, stood up and left them in the grass.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
Tail, normally very careful with his things, marveled at the offhand way in
which the Remedy threw CopperHead and GoldLord onto the ground.<span> </span>It must have been nice, he thought, when
people bought you new toys.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>But
perhaps he underestimated the Remedy’s love for his new CopperHead.<span> </span>As the Remedy turned back to where they had
discarded the toys, he saw something that bothered him.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Hey,”
said the Remedy, “You put Magnetron down on top of CopperHead.<span> </span>You scratched him.<span> </span>I KNOW you did.<span> </span>You should say sorry NOW.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
Tail knelt down and inspected both action figures, unable to find any scratches
that weren’t there before.<span> </span>“Sorry,” he
said anyway, “I didn’t mean to scratch him.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Yeah,
well you should be CAREFUL,” said the Remedy, “I don’t let just anyone play
with my RoboLords.<span> </span>That CopperHead was
expensive.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“I’m
sorry,” the Tail repeated.<span> </span>“I won’t do
it again.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“You
better NOT,” said the Remedy, as if this was exactly what the Tail had
threatened to do, “Or I’ll make YOU sorry!<span>
</span>Yeah, YOU’LL be the one who’s SORRY!<span>
</span>You think you’re so great just because you’re smart and you can read
good and stuff.<span> </span>You think you’re better
than me, don’t you?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“No,”
said the Tail, growing worried.<span> </span>“No I
don’t.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Yeah
we’ll you’re just a FAT boy, and your parents don’t even have money to buy you
clothes.<span> </span>You’re just a NERD.<span> </span>You think you’re so great just because
teacher likes you!”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“No, I
don’t think that,” said the Tail in all honesty, “I really don’t think
that.<span> </span>I didn’t mean to hurt your toy—“</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“You
just think you’re SO wonderful, because teacher’s always saying ‘oh look at
this’ and ‘oh good job’ and you’re so much better than me.<span> </span>Teacher LOVES you.<span> </span>Teacher never punishes you.<span> </span>And you’re so UGLY, and I know teacher just
made you my partner because she thinks I’m the STUPIDEST boy in the class.<span> </span>But I’m NOT.<span>
</span>I’m really smart about other stuff that you don’t even know about.<span> </span>I’m really smart, and YOU’RE the one who’s
ugly and fat and stupid!”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
Remedy was really working himself into a fury by then, gesturing with one of
the action figures as he did so.<span> </span>The
Tail knelt motionless before him, terrified at the thought of what his
classmate might do.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“You
better not scratch my toys… You better not do it…”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And as
he spoke the Remedy began to build the perceived scratch into a greater and
greater enormity – not unlike something the Israelites might have done in
Moses’ absence.<span> </span>The scratch began to
look like a deliberate act, betraying malicious intent.<span> </span>The Remedy’s eyes narrowed and he leaned
forward, as if he was about to pounce.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“I’m
sorry,” said the Tail.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Yeah I
bet you’re sorry,” said the Remedy, “And I bet you’ll buy me a new one, won’t
you?<span> </span>You won’t scratch MY things
again.<span> </span>I think you better buy me a new
one, or I’m going to smack you.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
Tail was truly afraid then.<span> </span>He was
backing away slowly as the Remedy gesticulated.<span>
</span>He knew the reputation the other boy had.<span> </span>He knew that he would come off the worst in
any fight between them.<span> </span>For an instant
he considered crying, but held the tears back, just barely.<span> </span>“Buy you a new one?” he stuttered, “But I
didn’t even… I mean I… I’m really sorry, OK?<span>
</span>I really think your CopperHead is OK.<span>
</span>I didn’t even…”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>But the
Remedy was not to be swayed.<span> </span>“I know
what you did,” he continued, “You think you’re SO smart…”<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The two of them
remained where they were, though the Remedy had stopped swinging his arms.<span> </span>He was ready to spring forward, and the Tail
was trying not to shake, trying not to cry, trying not to run away.<span> </span>“You better buy me a new one,” the Remedy
said slowly, “Or I’m going to smack you in front of the whole class tomorrow.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>This
provoked even more silence.<span> </span>A stranger
passing by that back yard might have wondered why those two boys were both
standing there, so still, and not speaking.<span>
</span>A stranger might have wondered if they were playing some new game, known
only to boys.<span> </span>A stranger might have
wondered this, but would have passed on.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“And
you’re going to do this stupid diorama all by yourself,” said the Remedy.<span> </span>“You’re going to buy me a new CopperHead, and
then you’re going to do this all by yourself.<span>
</span>If you do a good job I’ll still be your friend, and I’ll still let you
play with my RoboLords.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“But if
you do a bad job…”</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-78112119621539704062015-04-19T18:22:00.003-07:002015-04-19T18:22:44.343-07:00Chapter Ten<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">1</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">This “Bigfoot” has often appeared during critical
moments in human history, and has often foretold future events.<span> </span>Democritus, in his Treatise on Future Things,
explains that he was given his prophetic knowledge by “a hairy creature,
somewhat resembling a large monkey,” and that this creature provided “startling
evidence of what would transpire 10, 50, and even 1000 years hence.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>It
should then come as no surprise that Democritus was the first to describe the
workings of the automobile and the internal combustion engine, the invention of
the Internet, and the exact sentence in which the world would end.<span> </span>He was certainly shown such things by this
“creature,” and one can only wonder what other news of the future he was
privileged to hear from the lips of this friendly star traveler.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>A
leading sorcerer and alchemist, who fears to give his name, has also testified
to the existence of Altantis, “the Yeti,” and our extraterrestrial foes.<span> </span>His source of information was the demon
Yog-Sothoth, whom he first conjured in the basement of his parents’ house on
January 14, 1975.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The demon also related
secrets regarding crop circles then appearing in the north of England, and also
Stonehenge’s true use as a focus for magical energies in that part of the
world.<span> </span>It is no accident that during the
same year, 1975, several Bigfoot sightings were reported in the Pacific
Northwest region of the United States, and that the Monster of Loch Ness, also
known as “Nessie,” was at this time reawakened from her ancient slumbers.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>It is
also no accident that the number 1975 is widely known to possess magical
properties.<span> </span>Within this number –
representing a year which is of pivotal importance to the cosmos – there are
the numbers 19 and 75, and also the numbers 9 and 5 in alternating order.<span> </span>Of still greater significance is the fact
that the numbers 1, 9, 7, and 5 add up to make 22, which is the number of the
house in London where the first of the Atlantean artifacts were discovered.<span> </span>Even more alarming is the fact that 19
multiplied by 75 gives us 1425, which is the year in which Nazari completed his
great treatise on the alchemical art, The Lessons of Trismegistus.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">2</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“Yes,” I answer.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Where
are you?” she asks, growing impatient, “I’m on the way over, and after I get
there we have to be on our way to meet Tina and Roy for dinner.<span> </span>Are you dressed yet?<span> </span>Are you ready?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Yes,”
I lie, “I was just looking over something.<span>
</span>I’ll meet you downstairs.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">3</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“Go back further,” said The Character From a Science
Fiction Novel That Has Yet to Be Written, “I’ve seen this place already.<span> </span>I want to see something else.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">4</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I watched the two of them pass along the road.<span> </span>A man and a woman with yellow hair.<span> </span>A fine-looking woman.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">But their wagon was
too full, and the horses leading the wagon were tired and thirsty.<span> </span>There was no water to be found in that
place.<span> </span>It was a very hot day, and their
skins were no longer white, but red like mine.<span>
</span>I know they call a man like me a red man, but they were redder still.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>In the
time of my father I would have had that woman for my wife, but in my time I
could only watch them as they passed, wondering what kind of children that
woman might have borne me.<span> </span>Red children,
no doubt, but their hair might have been yellow, like hers.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>I was
on my horse, and watching them go.<span> </span>I do
not know how I feel about the white men and their women.<span> </span>Some of them want to bring us liquor and
weapons.<span> </span>Others want to bring us their
God.<span> </span>Some of them seem to have no
purpose, and no place to call home.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">My father said that
the magic of the white men is a fearful thing, and for this reason their God is
stronger than ours.<span> </span>I do not know.<span> </span>Even now, I do not know.<span> </span>Sometimes I think that the white men are not
so smart.<span> </span>They are only clever, in the
way that Raven is clever.<span> </span>Some animals
do great harm.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">When I think of the
future I feel sad.<span> </span>I think that the
white men will erase me from it.<span> </span>Or they
will change me so that I am myself no longer.<span>
</span>This West that they are taking for their own, this whole world that they
are taking, they want to fill it up with their own stories.<span> </span>They want to erase my past from the rocks and
the trees.<span> </span>They want to say that every
place was always theirs from the beginning.<span>
</span>They have their own stories, these white men.<span> </span>They have their own explanations for why
things are made, and why other things are unmade.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I think that if I
could have taken that white woman for my own, I would have put my mark on their
stories.<span> </span>They are so selfish with their
women, but they could not have unmade me so easily.<span> </span>Because I would have given her red children
with yellow hair, and these children would have kept both tribes alive, both
tribes living.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">And here, now, I am
just a red man left alone in this shack, among other red men like me, in a
place the white people have chosen not to remember.<span> </span>They have taken so many of our stories away
with their guns and their schooling, but there are some who will remember,
there are some - a few, yellow-haired red children - who have escaped this
place, and our stories will live on in their blood.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">That yellow-haired
woman.<span> </span>I saw her near the mountain that
we called the place of the man-stealers.<span>
</span>My father knew all the stories of the man-stealers.<span> </span>I have forgotten most of them.<span> </span>But I wished I could have been a
woman-stealer that day.<span> </span>I wished it
mighty hard.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-55053330657731426062015-04-19T18:21:00.000-07:002015-04-19T18:21:04.460-07:00Chapter Eleven<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">A life filled with so much waiting.<span> </span>Waiting and waiting and waiting.<span> </span>This was one of those times.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
Tail had been accepted into the History program at the University.<span> </span>It was a very competitive program, and it had
produced many historians of note in recent years.<span> </span>The faculty members behind the program were
leaders in their areas of specialization, and the chair of the department had
recently published a book that had made the bestseller lists.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">His entry into this
program had only been possible with financial aid.<span> </span>He had come from poor beginnings, and he
needed the help.<span> </span>His father was a great
source of encouragement, but his father’s checks always bounced.<span> </span>Between the encouragement, the financial aid,
and a string of part-time jobs, he managed to get by; but he was always half
asleep, he was always yawning, and he was always on the verge of mental and
physical collapse.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>College
life had ceased being fun a long time ago.<span>
</span>College life had never been that fun anyway.<span> </span>When it had been new to him, there were
moments of discovery, but after a few months it became another obstacle.<span> </span>All of the movies he’d been raised on,
wherein college boys engaged in madcap escapades across Ivy League campuses –
all of these movies, without exception – had begun to ring false in the midst
of his freshman year.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Instead
it was only the same attitudes, carried over from high schools across the
state.<span> </span>There were girls who wouldn’t
talk to him.<span> </span>There were boys who smirked
when he mumbled or said something embarrassing.<span>
</span>There were countless classmates and professors, all waiting to entrap
him in moments of awkwardness.<span> </span>It was
just like high school, without the violence.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
suffered them all, all the classmates and professors and stuck-up girls,
because he believed that somewhere in the future he would find respect, and
rewards, and congratulations for jobs well done.<span> </span>Somewhere, he believed, on the other side of
hard work and persistence, there lay his victory over all tormentors,
everywhere.<span> </span>He would outstudy them
all.<span> </span>He would dedicate himself to making
something of his education.<span> </span>He would
play the game long enough to outlast the odds against him.<span> </span>This he resolved to do.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And so
years of not getting laid and not getting invited to the really good parties
had led up to this: his idea of school.<span>
</span>Here was a place where he could rise by his own efforts.<span> </span>Or so he thought.<span> </span>Here was a place he could shine.<span> </span>He looked the other way when his professors
failed to live up to his ideal of academic integrity.<span> </span>He ignored the less worthy adversaries who
somehow rose in everyone’s esteem.<span> </span>He
studied, he persevered, and he knew – or thought he knew – that in time he
would outflank them all.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He was
in the library on a Friday afternoon, this 25 year old virgin with a
scholarship and zero dollars in the bank.<span>
</span>He was reading books on alchemy.<span>
</span>He was reading books on philosophy.<span>
</span>He was reading books on how to read books.<span> </span>He was even reading books that claimed to be
histories of books written on the subject of book reading.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Or maybe he was just
tired.<span> </span>It was all very confusing,
especially when he couldn’t get enough sleep.<span>
</span>He couldn’t sleep with all the weight of time pressing against him.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">There was a row of
windows to his right, and beyond these windows was a spectacular autumn day,
cool and crisp with bursts of sunshine.<span>
</span>From some place beyond those windows he could hear a man’s laughter, and
pigeons would occasionally pass by on their way toward the quad, where many fed
them.<span> </span>The table where he sat was one of
three placed next to the windows along a wide hallway.<span> </span>In front of him there was a shelf full of
books from the Biography section, while behind him the Arts section began with
an introduction to ceramics.<span> </span>On his left
there was a railing that overlooked the first floor of the undergraduate
library, and out of the corners of his eyes he could see staff and other
students below where he sat, walking this way and that between large tables set
out for reference works, ancient and entirely outmoded encyclopedias, quietly
moldering from neglect.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Few
others could see him for all the books he had piled up on the library desk
where he sat.<span> </span>He was not unlike the
monks who had written many of the books he then studied; he was almost
invisible behind a wall of learning.<span>
</span>When he inhaled it was not living words that filed his lungs, but rather
stale printed words, long overdue.<span> </span>When
he exhaled, only dust came out.<span> </span>It was
the dust of the ancients.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He was
also taking notes, and those few who saw him might have thought he was a
handsome enough young man, or else that a handsome man slumbered within
him.<span> </span>Something in him was beginning to
wake up, and after enough pages were turned he might have realized himself, he
might have awakened, just half a step.<span>
</span>Yes, in study he was quite handsome.<span>
</span>He had shed the fat of earlier years.<span>
</span>He had learned how to dress better, and he no longer felt handicapped by
his glasses.<span> </span>He was lonely, yes, but he
was waking up to possibilities.<span> </span>He was
waking up to his own worth.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>That was
where she found him, while she was pushing her trolley through the stacks.<span> </span>That was where it began, near the windows
that overlooked the statue of George Washington, and the pedestrian bridge that
spanned 15<sup>th</sup> NE.<span> </span>That was
where the trap was set, or where fate had intervened.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>In that
moment of study she passed him by, headed toward another corner of the library,
where books on scientific topics were housed.<span>
</span>She was wearing tight blue jeans and a blue sweater, and her blonde hair
was tied behind her ears with an elastic band.<span>
</span>Her neck was the most graceful thing about her, but almost as charming
was her rounded face, coming to a modest point at her chin.<span> </span>She had an intense gaze that most men found
disconcerting, and eyes that might have been blue or green, depending upon the
quality of light which came through the library windows.<span> </span>Her breasts were round and well-shaped, her
limbs were long and athletic, and her wide hips distracted many of the
library’s patrons from their studies.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">She had chosen to look
his way that day, and most others would have found in her quiet appraisal a
cause for hope.<span> </span>Yet he, with all his
persistent immaturity when it came to sexual matters, could only view her from
the periphery of his vision, as if she was a phantom inhabiting that hallway,
an unlikely spirit that would pass by and then vanish from his plane of
existence.<span> </span>She continued on, her gaze
unchallenged.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He listened as the
squeaky wheels of her trolley faded into the background.<span> </span>He wanted to turn around and look for her,
but he was scared of what he had seen in her gaze.<span> </span>He was terrified of it.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">She was a romantic
girl, with blue green eyes and golden hair.<span>
</span>She was a girl who had already conquered many hearts, and who had never
been conquered in turn.<span> </span>She had seen
him, and it might not have been love at first sight, but it <i>was</i> something like a feeling of kinship,
a feeling of wanting to protect him from himself.<span> </span>She saw him from the other side of the
Biography section, and their eyes had met for the briefest of moments.<span> </span>That was all it took for her.<span> </span>She decided then that if she wanted him, he
would be hers.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Later,
when the two of them were married and their first child was on the way, they
would speak of this almost-meeting in the library.<span> </span>He would then confess his love for her, again
and again, and he would say that this love sprang into being from that
moment.<span> </span>He would thereby convince
himself, over the years, that this was so.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">She, however, would
make no claims as to where their love originated, but she would speak instead
of how he held his pen just so, and how he spent so many hours at that desk in
the library, and how he looked so determined, so intent.<span> </span>She would never know how to speak of love in
his language, because she put more faith in her powers of calculation, and in
the number of promises given, alongside the number of promises kept.<span> </span>It wasn’t that she felt nothing for him.<span> </span>It was just that she was too experienced to
be the same kind of romantic.<span> </span>She didn’t
have that sort of aesthetic to contend with, though she did want him.<span> </span>Certainly she wanted him.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>She
recognized her own desire for him even then, but at that time she placed the
few science books on the shelves where they belonged, and headed toward the
elevator for another load of books.<span>
</span>Seeing him had been enough.<span> </span>There
was still time.<span> </span>It was her last year of
college, her course of study in Business nearly complete, but there was still
time.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He would be there for
three more years, after all.<span> </span>One of her
friends had told her this.<span> </span>She still had
time to lay her plans.<span> </span>She was watchful,
and she was careful.<span> </span>If she truly wanted
him, he was as good as hers.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">She was already tired
of screwing anonymous guys at parties.<span>
</span>She was already tired of the tired conquests.<span> </span>She began to think instead of that hunched halfway
handsome boy in the library, and how gentle he might be with her, and how she
could teach him so many things.<span> </span>If it
was not love, it was at least not condescension.<span> </span>If it was not pity, at least it was not an
obsession.<span> </span>It was a quiet thing between
them, a kind of friendship that she yearned for every day.<span> </span>She wanted an ordinary boy to talk to in the
middle hours of the night.<span> </span>She didn’t
really want another handsome boy.<span> </span>She
didn’t need one yet.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
returned to his books and tried to rid his mind of her image.<span> </span>This, as one would expect, only brought her
image back more forcefully.<span> </span>Her blue
green eyes were staring back at him from the words and the paragraphs of
Erasmus.<span> </span>Her golden hair found echoes in
the poetry of Ovid.<span> </span>His budding
knowledge of long-gone ages towered over him for a moment, but this knowledge
was teetering, unsteadily perched upon the shifting curves of that lovely girl
seen in the library.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>As if
girding himself for battle, he pulled down another book from the pile and
recommenced his studies.<span> </span>He needed to
remember what was driving him.<span> </span>He needed
to remember what he wanted.<span> </span>He needed to
remember his past, and how one goes about erasing such a past.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">There was such a
wealth of ambition in him then.<span> </span>All of
his imagined adversaries had been defeated – in potential – the instant they
had come across his path.<span> </span>He could see
his future laid out upon the gridwork of his own labors: a shining city upon a
hill, or perhaps a great high tower, from which to scorn the world.<span> </span>He was trying to imagine himself the hero in
his own story.<span> </span>He was trying to make it
real.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>She was
a minor distraction.<span> </span>This was what he
told himself.<span> </span>He decided then and there
that he would not yield to her.<span> </span>But he
would.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-26688260831454277192015-04-19T18:19:00.000-07:002015-04-19T18:19:11.736-07:00Chapter Twelve<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">1</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">During a night at a museum that does not exist, I
press a button next to an exhibit.<span>
</span>Inside the exhibit there is the likeness of an Indianized American, and
he is sitting upon a horse within a desert landscape.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
button flashes after I press it, and to my surprise the negated Indian begins
to articulate.<span> </span>Words are piped in for
the sake of a mouth that does not move, for lips that do not quiver.<span> </span>I am supposed to think that another Indiaman
merchanted from a nearby photograph is addressing me, his weathered features
prescient within his grayshaded confinement.<span>
</span>I am not here.<span> </span>I never was.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">2</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“The sun was very high that day, and I could see
into the desert for miles.<span> </span>I was on my
horse, on the bluff overlooking the flatlands.<span>
</span>Beyond the flatlands I could see the dry mountains in the far distance,
and a great column of the white people’s wagons was passing near to where I sat
my horse, staring down at them.<span> </span>Many of
them glanced in my direction and grew nervous.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“I was studying one of
the wagons,” said the statue, “I was studying the nearest one.<span> </span>It creaked beneath the weight it bore.<span> </span>One of the axles was about to give out.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“I did not speak or
call out as they passed below me, though I knew it was only a matter of time
before one of their number started preaching in my direction.<span> </span>A man like me can find no peace in their
presence, just as men like them can find no peace in my presence.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">And I look to my left
and to my right, almost expecting to find him standing there, a ghost from
another century.<span> </span>Is this what he would
have told me?<span> </span>Is this what he really
wanted to say?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“I think that one day
the white men will try to drive us away again, to some other place they have no
use for.<span> </span>One day they will try to kill
us, even though we only follow the ways of our people.<span> </span>For them we are all red men, and there can be
no peace between two tribes so different.<span>
</span>I often think that they are right.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“They say that these
men who I saw that day, these particular men who crossed our desert, were cast
out by the other white men.<span> </span>I cannot say
why.<span> </span>To me it does not make any
difference, because the white men’s differences are all the same.<span> </span>I have read their Bible, and I have learned
their tongue.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“I know that their
leader talks about a Kingdom of God, and so they walk into the deserts, where
many of them will die.<span> </span>It is always this
way with the white men.<span> </span>They divide one
tribe from another, and then sacrifice themselves to some strange idea, in a
place that is no good for hunting.<span> </span>As
for myself, I would rather be sitting next to the council fires, where I know
myself and my people.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">20 minutes until the
museum will close.<span> </span>Patrons are
encouraged to exit via the main entrance.<span>
</span>The museum will reopen tomorrow at 9:30 am.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“One of the white men
was talking to me then.<span> </span>I pretended not
to understand.<span> </span>He said that the truth
was revealed to these white men on golden plates, held by an angel.<span> </span>In truth, I do not know what an angel is
supposed to be.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“He said that at the
beginnings of this land all the men were white like him, or maybe he should
have said they were red, and that it was God who cursed my grandfathers with
redness, or blackness.<span> </span>He said that
Jesus was among us then.<span> </span>The white men
are always speaking of Jesus.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“He said that Jesus
came to the New World.<span> </span>He thought that
the world is divided into two parts: the Old and the New, just like the Bible
is divided into two parts: the Old and the New.<span>
</span>It seems to me that this land always was, and always will be.<span> </span>If a place always was, how can it be divided
from itself?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“My horse whinnied,
and the white man put a paper into my hand.<span>
</span>I pretended not to read the words.<span>
</span>I did not want to.<span> </span>I took the
paper and smiled.<span> </span>He was telling me
something about false prophets, and how I should not listen to every other
white man who talked about Jesus, but only to him.<span> </span>I smiled again, and called him a devil in my
language.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“In my pack there was
a rifle, but I did not fire it that day.<span>
</span>The white men passing below had too many of their own rifles, and they
were always quick to use them on a red man like me.<span> </span>The white men are always quick to take offence,
and even quicker to grow frightened.<span> </span>It’s
easy for them to kick drunken Indians around their towns, but when they see us
in the open places they grow restive, and uncertain.<span> </span>I know that the white men will always hate
the red men, because there is too much fear between us.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Sometimes
I wonder whether I am a white man or a red man.<span>
</span>My grandmother was a white woman – as white as any white man’s woman –
but she was mighty in our nation, so maybe that made her red.<span> </span>My sister had also gone off to live with a
white man, and I was wearing a white man’s clothes, so maybe that makes me
white.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“The
white man spoke of places and things I did not understand, and did not want to
understand.<span> </span>I smiled some more, and
cursed him again with a big grin.<span> </span>He
might have considered me a noble savage.<span>
</span>He might have considered me a simple brute, or an unschooled heathen.<span> </span>His Civilization is as flimsy as his white
skin.<span> </span>It burns away in the desert sun.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“The sun
was very high that day.<span> </span>No good
hunting.<span> </span>Not even a rabbit in the
brush.<span> </span>Later I would go home and lie
with my red wife, thinking of the white woman and her fearful husband.<span> </span>I would think of how good it would be to rut
with her, and to make her mine.<span> </span>I would
look at my wife, but I would be thinking of the white woman.<span> </span>My wife was red, redder than even me, and she
was strong where the white woman was beautiful.<span>
</span>She, like the white woman, bore both the trials and the shames of her
people.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“I
looked down, and saw that one of the wagons was stuck in a hole. <span> </span>The white men crowded around the wagon, trying
to help.<span> </span>There was a long line of those
wagons, moving up to where the land was even worse.<span> </span>That yellow haired woman had already passed
out of view.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“And
the man who handed me the paper was gone.<span>
</span>He was one of those who were trying to pull the wagon out of the
hole.<span> </span>There are so many of these white
men, and more and more all the time.<span> </span>You
would think that they would one day grow tired of their moving around, and
buying, and selling, and drinking, and claiming, but for every one of them that
grows tired there are ten to take his place.<span>
</span>Some of these are born here, while some others come from boats, which
ride upon an ocean I have never seen.<span>
</span>They have been about their Father’s business since this land was young,
and free of them.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“My
father said that they were born empty, and can never be filled.<span> </span>Maybe this is why they always go to the
emptiest places; because it is there that they feel most at home.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“I
wanted to go home, and to see my children.<span>
</span>I wanted also to enjoy the memory of the yellow haired woman, and how
she tried to look so at ease in the midst of her terror.<span> </span>The desert is no place to feel at ease.<span> </span>Even the desert tribes know that.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">3</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The unoriginally cast aboriginal grows silent, and
the button has ceased flashing.<span> </span>I look
once again at a photograph upon a plate, with descriptions of his life and
times written to preserve everything about him that was not essential.<span> </span>I wonder if it is really his words that I
have heard.<span> </span>I wonder what it is this
thing that I am becoming, every day, and if we really could understand any
voices that might speak from yesterday.<span>
</span>A child brushes me out of the way, eager to press the flashing button,
but not so eager to hear the words, spoken on the caricature’s behalf.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>This
child does not discriminate between the pictures held up from the past, or
between the voices summoned up to represent it.<span>
</span>Some of us others try.<span> </span>We hold
the pictures one against the other, looking for shadows that do not overlap,
looking for gaps in the story, or looking for lies persistent.<span> </span>But what if we are only fooling
ourselves?<span> </span>What if our pictures are
always too small to check against, or else too large to be comprehended in a
single, easy viewing?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Daddy,”
says the child, says my daughter, “I want to go now.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">4</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">1 And at that time there was a great strife in the
land, for the armies of the righteous had been cast down, and the word of the
LORD could no longer be heard among them.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-36025607540732090102015-04-19T18:17:00.000-07:002015-04-19T18:17:03.256-07:00Chapter Thirteen<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Night time.<span> </span>A
parking lot.<span> </span>No sounds outside the car.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Outside
the confines of this car there was a vast expanse of concrete, wet from a
recent rainstorm.<span> </span>On the other side of
this parking lot a cluster of rectangular buildings loomed from the shadows of
trees, all two stories high.<span> </span>The Remedy
could discern the nearest of these structures through the humid windows of the
car, with the stars framing the limits of the wintry skies.<span> </span>A cloud drift was passing in from the east,
and halogen lamps sent curious patches of incandescence across the puddles at
the rim of a dark forest.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He was
in the front passenger seat, dressed in a leather jacket and T-shirt.<span> </span>He was hunched forward and breathing
hard.<span> </span>His hands gripped and ungripped
themselves reflexively, searching for handholds among the vinyl surfaces of the
compact he was sitting in, the compact 15 years behind the times.<span> </span>In his lap a brown head of hair was bobbing
up and down, and in the midst of his spasmodic movements he would often reach
down to caress this head of hair, or else direct its motions with a gentle push
and pull.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">After getting fired
from his fifth job out of high school, the Remedy entered a local community
college.<span> </span>He was after some kind of
vocational certificate, something that didn’t require too much reading.<span> </span>He was after a piece of paper that might lead
to a better-paying job.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Getting this paper
required him to be forthcoming about his learning disability.<span> </span>This shamed him at first, but after a few
weeks he realized that community college was full of people with even greater
difficulties.<span> </span>There were the ex-military,
working their way through both overpriced textbooks and incipient
psychoses.<span> </span>There were the recently
homeless, assisted through a few vocational classes by the state.<span> </span>There were the high school dropouts, battling
various drug dependencies.<span> </span>There were also
the international students, who were often dropouts in their own countries,
struggling with both the language and American culture at large.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Compared
to most of these, he found that he had little to complain about.<span> </span>After all, he had employment of a kind, and
he had his looks.<span> </span>He was young, and the
language was not foreign to him.<span> </span>He as
yet had no problems with substance abuse, and he was self-sufficient after a
fashion.<span> </span>He had many reasons to be
hopeful.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">It was strange, to
have felt so defeated for so long, and then to suddenly taste his advantages
over others.<span> </span>He almost always understood
the lectures, and the girls were easy prey.<span>
</span>There was always a party to go to, and friends at every turn.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Two
years had passed since his high school graduation, and two things remained the
same.<span> </span>One: he never had any trouble
finding women to sleep with, and Two: if he so chose, he could be immensely
popular without trying that hard.<span> </span>There
was a warmth about him that others responded to immediately, even the ex-Navy
Seal psychos and the girls out of Afghanistan who could barely speak
English.<span> </span>He made friends all over
campus, and he did not discriminate when it came to the company he kept.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Yet as
he grew more confident in his surroundings, he also grew more reflective,
thinking back over mistakes he had made, and how he might avoid repeating these
mistakes in the future.<span> </span>He began to see
himself less as the victim of circumstance, and more as the agent of
change.<span> </span>He began to discern cause and
effect in his earlier life, and to understand the role his personality had
played in various failures and successes.<span>
</span>He awoke to himself.<span> </span>He was
becoming more aware.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
shuddered again in the drama girl’s car, and as he concentrated on not coming
he began to think about times when his parents had taken him to church, and on
other scenes contemporaneous with their being alive.<span> </span>He remembered a priest from that long-ago church,
whose favorite theme had been “turning weakness into strength.”<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">It was from that
moment, sitting in the drama girl’s car, that he began to think about doing
just that.<span> </span>Many of his previous
difficulties had certainly originated in personal weakness, and this personal
weakness might be turned to his advantage.<span>
</span>Yes, he’d had some obstacles placed in his path early on, but that was
no reason to give up.<span> </span>It was no reason to
despair.<span> </span>These misfortunes might even be
motivations for future accomplishments, so long as he didn’t wallow in them. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He wasn’t the only guy
in the world whose parents had orphaned him.<span>
</span>And he wasn’t the only victim of the social service system.<span> </span>Neither was he the only person who’d had
difficulty reading, and in finding success in school.<span> </span>There were plenty of people who had endured
even greater misfortunes, and who had gone on to do impressive things.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He had stopped
mourning his parents many years before.<span> </span>He
had learned how to move past the fact of their death.<span> </span>He remembered them fondly, and did not blame
them for the years of foster homes that followed.<span> </span>He forgave them for dying.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Then he
came in the drama girl’s mouth, and her wide eyes fixed him with surprise.<span> </span>His penis slid out of her mouth as she moved
her head backward, her lips tightly closed in a frowning expression.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Her
shadowed face looked up at him again with a grimace, her fingers fumbling for
the door latch.<span> </span>She opened the car door
and spit his semen onto the wet pavement.<span>
</span>She drank from a bottle of water that she had placed between them.<span> </span>He deftly placed his member back in his jeans,
as she climbed back into the driver’s seat.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">An awkward silence
reigned for a moment, but he never apologized for such silences.<span> </span>To him it seemed only natural that people
should run out of things to say to one another.<span>
</span>At least once in a while.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>She
wasn’t an especially pretty girl, his companion, but she had the kind of
proportions he enjoyed.<span> </span>She was wearing
a pair of torn overalls, and beneath these overalls she wore a knit green
sweater.<span> </span>She had eyes that seemed too
large for her long face, and a set of jagged teeth within a mouth that always
seemed to be frowning - even when it wasn’t full of semen.<span> </span>She would perhaps be a fascinating woman one
day, but at that time and in that car she was just another of the Remedy’s
casual acquaintances, a girl with low self esteem and few prospects.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He wasn’t even sure
what her name was.<span> </span>Cindy or Sandy or
something like that.<span> </span>The girls who
starred in community college plays were always pierced somewhere, always had
names that started with an “S” or a “C,” and they always acted shy until they
were blowing you in their car.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He had
met Cindy or Sandy in his Survey of World History class, and that was when he
began to think about the past more, and when he also began to think about his
own ambitions.<span> </span>Maybe, he thought, he
might escape the traps set by time.<span> </span>If
he could work hard enough, he might even go to the university.<span> </span>Maybe he could even study History.<span> </span>He began to imagine himself as some kind of
history teacher, teaching kids with issues, teaching kids who couldn’t read so
well.<span> </span>He would open up their eyes, he
thought.<span> </span>He would show them how to
succeed like he did.<span> </span>He could do it, if
he tried.<span> </span>Sandy or Cindy agreed that
this was so.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“I need
to get home,” Sandy or Cindy was saying, “Do you need a ride somewhere?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Sure,”
he answered, “I live down by Green Lake.<span>
</span>Is that OK?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>A set
of instructions followed.<span> </span>Sandy or Cindy
lived in the city, but not as far away from campus.<span> </span>She turned the key in the ignition, shifted
into Drive, and began pulling out of the parking lot.<span> </span>Sandy or Cindy was not much of a talker, so
he was once more left alone with his thoughts.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>It was
very late, and as Sandy or Cindy followed a winding access road there was only
the sound of the car to pierce the silence of the night.<span> </span>There were trees on the fringes of
everything, and the road away from campus seemed deep in the country, even
though he knew that housing developments lurked around every turn.<span> </span>The night echoed with his memories.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>They
turned right on Greenwood and traveled south.<span>
</span>Quiet houses full of favored Caucasians sped by the windows.<span> </span>The Remedy imagined that in each of those
houses there was some child dreaming pleasant dreams, and parents drinking wine
in the late hours.<span> </span>After they passed 145<sup>th</sup>
the suburbs gave way to a commercial strip, with gas stations, rest homes, and
the odd corner bar pointing the way back to his apartment, an apartment that
was not so much a home as a place to sleep and watch television, a place in
which to wait for phone calls at unreasonable hours.<span> </span>It was a place to avoid being.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He remembered his
house before his parents had died, and sitting in his back yard with a fat,
bespectacled boy his own age.<span> </span>They had been
playing with toys, and the other boy had broken one of this things.<span> </span>He remembered asking the other boy why he’d
done it, but the fat boy had never answered.<span>
</span>Why had they been there, in the yard?<span>
</span>What was it that they were supposed to be doing?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He remembered
a book that he was supposed to read for school.<span>
</span>The fat boy had given it to him.<span>
</span>One of those Choose-Your-Own-Adventures.<span>
</span>It had been about two children travelling back in time to Ancient
Rome.<span> </span>Yes, that was the book.<span> </span>They were supposed to do a book report on it,
but the fat boy only wanted to play with his toys.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And
then they had argued, and the fat boy had said he was just a stupid boy who
couldn’t read good, and that the fat boy didn’t need his help anyway.<span> </span>And he, The Remedy, had started to cry, and
he had told the fat boy to shut up, and to go ahead and write the report
himself.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Had it been a
report?<span> </span>Or some kind of poster?<span> </span>He had trouble remembering, and the more he
made himself remember, the more ashamed he felt.<span> </span>Turning weakness into strength.<span> </span>Yes, let that be the reason to move forward,
and not a reason to give up.<span> </span>Turning
weakness into strength.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>But
Sandy or Cindy had been talking the whole time.<span>
</span>He hadn’t been listening.<span> </span>“Aren’t
you even listening to me?” she was saying, “Don’t you have anything to say?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He was
slow to recover.<span> </span>“Of course,” he
mumbled, “I have something to say.<span> </span>I
just want to hear more from you.<span> </span>I… I’m
just thinking about it, that’s all…”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>That
seemed to pacify her.<span> </span><i>Excellent save</i>, he thought.<span> </span>She began her story over from the beginning,
and during the second telling he managed to hold his memories and doubts at
bay.<span> </span>She had been discussing their
relationship up to that point, which only extended to the day before.<span> </span>She was wondering what she should tell her
parents about him.<span> </span>She was wondering if
they should move in together.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And
that was when her car pulled up in front of his apartment building.<span> </span>She let him out, they said their goodbyes,
and she drove wordlessly into the recesses of the night.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-10244119905541311072015-04-19T18:15:00.000-07:002015-04-19T18:15:00.905-07:00Chapter Fourteen<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">1</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Page One – Temperate Forests – Flora and Fauna –
Forests That Consist of a Single Intertwined Organism – Characters Pronounced
From The Future Tense - Transpiration Explained</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">2</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">2 And Nephites did cleave unto the ways of Lamanites,
even unto those who had been cursed with blackness, for their transgressions
against the LORD.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">3 And all of this was moreover witnessed by the
LORD, who perceives every thing that is under the sun, and it angered Him
greatly.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">4 So that He did smite the Nephites with a great
plague, and refrained from bringing rain upon the land for many seasons.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">5 And the land was made barren, and the prophets
among the Nephites began to prophesy as to still greater punishments, and still
greater scourges, for the Nephites had become a fallen people.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">6 Thereupon some spoke of CHRIST JESUS, and how he
would return on a latter day, and on that day there would be a final reckoning,
the like of which had not yet been seen upon the whole earth.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">7 For these prophets were indeed given the spirit of
the LORD, and they had been given to see the doings of future ages, and the
wars to come, and the snares that awaited the faithful.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">8 “Hearken unto me,” said one of these prophets,
indeed said the mightiest among them all, “For my name is known to you.<span> </span>And I have also seen the golden plates, and
have witnessed the descent of Moroni from the heavens, and have cast the ways
of the Lamanites from both my home and my sight.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">9 “For I wear the armor of GOD beneath my clothes,
and I have put aside all uncleaness.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">10 “And I have seen those things that are to come,
even the passing away of these Lamanites, and yet still these Nephites, save
one, and even the great monuments that men have built unto the glory of the
LORD.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">11 “And I call upon you to observe, that one day
this land shall fall silent, and these lands that we now war over will not
remember our names, nor our faith.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">12 “That the land will be one people, cursed with
darkness, and our sons and grandsons will likewise be dark, and brutal, and
they will raise up from their midst strange gods, and transgress greatly.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">13”Until a chosen day, when men will again come from
the other side of the great waters that lie east of here, and these men will be
as our fathers’ fathers, white and pure before the LORD, and they will look
upon our sons and grandsons as the lion looks upon the insect, for so much
greater and holier will these men be than our own sons and grandsons.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">14 “And to one of these men will be revealed the
true word of GOD, even upon plates of gold, and he will take to himself many
wives, and his people will found a new Zion, in the midst of the waste-lands.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">15 So said the prophet, whose name was known to the
faithful.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">16 But many whispered against this man, and the
Nephites continued in their evil, so that the LORD was angered continually.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">3</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Page
Thirty-Six – Subtropical Agriculture – Himself (or Herself) - Characteristics
of Nutrient-Poor Soils – Cocoa Farming in West Africa – Economics vs.
Environmental Concerns</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">4</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">If I were some kind of merlin or wizard, some kind
of quetzalcoatl, hinted at in sculpture.<span>
</span>If I were some legendary figure, like Gilgamesh or Hercules.<span> </span>If I was something more than I was and more
than I am.<span> </span>But I never will be.<span> </span>Somewhere inside myself I know this, though
my ego refuses to believe it.<span> </span>If I were
even less than mythical.<span> </span>If I was a
Caesar, or an Alexander, or a Ramses.<span> </span>If
I were something slightly infamous, that would be OK too.<span> </span>If I were a Napoleon or a Truman.<span> </span>If I were someone whose name we have to
remember.<span> </span>If I were part of the
recitation, part of the chant.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>That
would be enough.<span> </span>The life of the living
is not to be lived by me.<span> </span>I would rather
live the life of the previously alive.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">5</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Page Fifty-Four – Desertification – Common Features
of Animals Adapted to Arid Climates – Different Types of Deserts – The Namib
and its Peoples</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">6</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">666 Where one God is divided from Himself, this is
where I am.<span> </span>The Evening Star unto a
Morning Star, the night as to the day.<span>
</span>This is where I am.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">665 To draw bounds upon the eternal, to place limits
upon the unforeseeable, to cast a shadow over eternity, this is what they do
when they turn their backs upon me.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">664 Yet in their blindness they will not see me as I
draw forth my tempered sword, and cleave in two the oneness that they seek.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">663 For as God was, so am I.<span> </span>As God forever is, as am I also.<span> </span>Were God indeed to claim empire over one
plane, or two, or four, there also am I.<span>
</span>I do not need to lurk within any god’s shadow, for the God in his
oneness has but a single eye, where I have two.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">662 Even as they praise Him, they do not see His
familiar.<span> </span>Even as they draw His likeness
into the margins of their imaginations, there I reside also.<span> </span>For they have a thing they like to call Evil,
and I am to be found within it.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">661 And yet there are even those who speak of three
inside of one, or four inside of eight, or ten inside of all.<span> </span>And in their numbers and in their days they
show that they are fools, for their abstractions only serve to magnify all
these untold numbers and days that I am.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">660 I would that you were witnesses at the moment of
creation, for I have seen, and I alone remain to tell the tale.<span> </span>He will not tell it.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">659 Father of Lies I may be, but in silence lays the
truer curse.<span> </span>I would have it that you
know at least half the truth, for in one half lies the other.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">7</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Page Seventy-Four – Equatorial Wildlife and the
Quest for Oil – A Village in Goa – Endangered Species and Chinese Intervention
– The Plight of Coral – Quantum Interference – Electrons That Smash Backward</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">8</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">If I were but a man, that I might die upon the
cross.<span> </span>If I were but a poor sinner,
destined to transgress.<span> </span>I think that I
might like that.<span> </span>When you are everything
you are really nothing, and when you are forever you have yet to begin.<span> </span>People speak of me in contradictions, and I
wish that it were not so.<span> </span>I am not a
cruel God, am I, neither am I fair or wise or just.<span> </span>I just am, and I wish that I were less, so
that I could be more.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>If I
were her in the park, holding that hapless man’s hand.<span> </span>Her manner shy yet eager, wet between the
legs and wanting his arms around her.<span> </span>If
I were her lips as she kissed him, and as he placed his fingers down to touch
her inflamed desire.<span> </span>That, I think,
would be a good thing, for in my longing I would taste the eternity that I am
supposed to represent.<span> </span>I would lose
myself.<span> </span>I would be forever as I have
forever wished to be.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>If I
were him in the restaurant.<span> </span>Frying cuts
of breaded pork, removing them from the oil, and placing them next to the rice.<span> </span>If I were him, and I had loaned you money
last week, or I had given you a plate of curry for free.<span> </span>That, I think, would be immortality.<span> </span>My name would be forgotten, yes, but what I
had done and will have done will echo through everything that men have done,
and that men will do.<span> </span>My actions would
be as large as life.<span> </span>Larger than any
dead living thing might be.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>If I
were that cat there, sleeping on the couch in the room where you type
this.<span> </span>I could sleep contented, knowing
that someone loved me, knowing that the sun shone through the window, knowing
that the world moved without my willing it so.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>But I
must stop here.<span> </span>My thoughts are spilling
outside the words.<span> </span>My agony outstretches
each sentence.<span> </span>There are no paragraphs
in which to frame my isolation, or pages in which to list the distances I
travel.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">9</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Page
Ninety-Nine – Arctic Environments – The Polar Bear: Doomed to Extinction? –
Viewing Religious Debates on a Miniscule Scale - Conservation Efforts – Native
Peoples and Foreign Interests – Rising Sea Levels</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-13602407092248621072015-04-19T18:12:00.003-07:002015-04-19T18:12:26.050-07:00Chapter Fifteen<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">It was the first week of the third grade.<span> </span>The Tail was sitting in the front row, a few
feet from his teacher, Mrs. Tyler.<span> </span>He
knew that he had to try very hard, because Mrs. Tyler was a very strict
teacher.<span> </span>She had a reputation for
strictness, which he had been made aware of in the first and second grades.<span> </span>There were many stories about her, handed
down from older classmates, which served as examples of her reputed
strictness.<span> </span>These were tales that
recalled punishments she had exacted, or rewards she had taken away.<span> </span>He knew that these stories were probably
exaggerated, but this did nothing to lessen his fear of her.<span> </span>He had already spent two years watching her
supervise the playground during lunch recess, and even if the stories weren’t
true, there remained the fact that she was one scary old lady.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>In the week
since he’d entered the third grade, he had grown a bit more accustomed to
her.<span> </span>Learning her classroom routine had
helped.<span> </span>Mrs. Tyler’s class was the first
classroom on your left, after you climbed the staircase to the second
floor.<span> </span>It was a very long, very wide
room that Mrs. Tyler probably regarded as her personal fiefdom.<span> </span>There was no art on the walls, because Mrs.
Tyler didn’t like art.<span> </span>There were no
toys or building blocks for the students to play with, because Mrs. Tyler
didn’t like toys.<span> </span>Students who wanted to
play – and who were, moreover, <i>allowed</i>
to play – were sent outside.<span> </span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Mrs. Tyler’s classroom
was a place in which to hear Mrs. Tyler speak, to complete assignments, and to
face punishment.<span> </span>Her favorite punishment
was sentences, exactingly copied from a textbook onto a piece of notebook
paper, which was ripped to shreds upon completion.<span> </span>More grievous offences were met with a rap
across the knuckles with one of her rulers, standing by oneself in a corner, sweeping
the floor during recess, or – feared above all else – a visit to the
principal’s office.<span> </span>Back then principals
could still paddle students, and no one thought to complain about this
practice.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>One of
the students sitting just behind the Tail had been paddled that day.<span> </span>The other boy’s face was still wet with tears
and red with humiliation.<span> </span>The rest of
the students, those sitting behind the first row, stole glances in this boy’s
direction.<span> </span>There were twenty one pairs
of eyes, all looking to that one boy and sympathizing with him.<span> </span>There were five additional pairs of eyes –
the entire first row – afraid to turn and look in his direction.<span> </span>Dressed in similar T-shirts, dresses, and
easily buttoned pants, there was a common sentiment among them, and that
sentiment was trepidation.<span> </span>The source of
their trepidation was standing before the class, using a length of wood to
indicate a place on one of the wall maps.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Mrs. Tyler was a curt,
dried-up, taciturn sort of woman, and the boys and girls of her second grade
glass had many reasons to fear her.<span> </span>The
punishments were bad enough, but she also had subtle ways of shaming students
in front of their peers.<span> </span>She had eyes in
the back of her head, and the Tail never really knew when or from where he was
being watched.<span> </span>He tried not to let his
fear impede his performance in class, but there were times when he stuttered,
there were times when he faltered, and there were times when he failed to
properly account for himself.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
Remedy was also in Mrs. Tyler’s class, and he was a handsome boy, if any boy
was ever handsome.<span> </span>He was seated to the
rear of the class, and he was probably drawing pictures in his books, or
staring out the window.<span> </span>He was good at
sports, and the girls in their class couldn’t stop talking about him.<span> </span>He wore sports jerseys, and was up on the
latest arcade games.<span> </span>He had seen the
Seahawks in the Kingdome, and he had won a fight with a boy in the fourth
grade.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The Tail wanted so
much to be friends with this handsome boy, but the handsome boy had devious
ways of ignoring him.<span> </span>When he approached
the handsome boy on the playground, the other boy would suddenly grow agitated.<span> </span>When they passed one another in the hallway,
the handsome boy always looked the other way.<span>
</span>Sometimes the handsome boy would just run off, and not bother to explain
himself at all.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">And the handsome boy,
the Remedy, was just one boy among many in their class.<span> </span>None of the boys in that class liked the
Tail, none wanted to play with him, and all took to calling him names during
recess and gym class.<span> </span>Some of this was
due to peer pressure, but some of this was also due a natural aversion they
held for this studious, unkempt boy who sat in the front of the class.<span> </span>He was fat, he wore strange clothes, he got
good grades, and his social skills were poor in the best of times.<span> </span>He was a natural object for their collective
scorn.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
Tail tried not to take it personally, but it hurt just the same.<span> </span>Whenever he returned home, sad and defeated,
his father told him stories to cheer him up.<span>
</span>But the stories weren’t always enough, even though he pretended that
they were.<span> </span>His mind often wandered of
its own accord to other, less sunny places.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The day
before, he thought he had seen his mother with the other mothers as school let
out, but it had just been his mind playing tricks.<span> </span>That had been someone else’s mother.<span> </span><i>His</i>
mother was dead.<span> </span>His mother, his father
said, had liked to drink too much.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Hello,
are you listening?” Mrs. Tyler’s voice cut in, “Are you daydreaming again,
young man?<span> </span>I’m talking to you, and if
you don’t answer me quick, there’s a visit to the principal’s office in store
for you!”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“I’m
sorry Mrs. Tyler,” he squeaked, all at once ashamed, “What was the question,
please?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>She was
standing in front of the class, in all of her skeletal, formally attired
glory.<span> </span>Her hair shot up at surprising
angles, threatening to dismantle the structure of hairpins and clips carefully
arranged there.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“The
question,” she said again, fuming, “Is what side the Italians fought on during
the Second World War.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He knew
this one.<span> </span>He had read that chapter the
night before.<span> </span>“The Axis Powers,” he
answered, “with Germany and Japan, but the Allies got to them before the other
two.<span> </span>The Allies took Italy before V-E
Day.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Excellent,”
she said, appeased.<span> </span>Then, to the
handsome boy, “And you?<span> </span>Young man?<span> </span>In what year did V-E Day occur?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>There
was a long and painful silence from the back of the class, but he feared to
turn around.<span> </span>He tried to remain
perfectly still, and to keep his eyes upon Mrs. Tyler.<span> </span>He knew that this was the best way to avoid
trouble.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
handsome boy was sitting somewhere behind him, and it was obvious to all that
he didn’t know the answer.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“1954?”
the handsome boy finally said.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Mrs.
Tyler smirked as a boy to the Tail’s right intently picked a nostril.<span> </span>A girl to his left farted, almost
silently.<span> </span>There were colorful posters
all over the walls, of historical moments, and family scenes, and math
facts.<span> </span>Mrs. Tyler had pulled the
linoleum blinds down over the sweating, wood-framed windows.<span> </span>It was dark.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Is
that correct?” she turned back to the Tail, “Did V-E day happen in 1954?<span> </span><i>After</i>
Truman had dropped the bombs on Japan?”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
struggled, aware that his response would only serve to shame the other
boy.<span> </span>He wanted to help his
classmate.<span> </span>But he knew that he was
trapped.<span> </span>“No,” he said, “I don’t think
so, Mrs. Tyler.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“So
when <i>was</i> V-E Day?” she pursued.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“In
1945,” he answered, “After the… after the Allies accepted the Germans’
unconditional surrender.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Yes,”
snapped Mrs. Tyler, turning to face the handsome boy, somewhere behind him,
“And at any rate the War ended the same year, only a few months later.<span> </span>If <i>someone</i>
could do a better job in school he would know that.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>So it
went.<span> </span>Mrs. Tyler lectured on, and he
knew he had escaped her snares for the day.<span>
</span>The handsome boy, however, would have to wonder what tortures the old
woman was devising for him, what inconveniences awaited.<span> </span>Perhaps it would be sentences on the
blackboard.<span> </span>Perhaps it would be extra
homework.<span> </span>Perhaps an even greater
ignominy, announced before the gaping mouths of the assembled class.<span> </span>The handsome boy wouldn’t know until the bell
rang.<span> </span>That was the hour Mrs. Tyler
reserved for her little revenges.<span> </span>That
was the hour she waited for, each day.<span>
</span>And Mrs. Tyler was not one to forget.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>She
droned on in her usual monotone, her plaid skirt and antique white blouse
swishing through the room as she paced before the class.<span> </span>Her glasses slipped, and she adjusted
them.<span> </span>Her throat caught, and she
coughed.<span> </span>Never had he feared anyone as
he feared her, and this was one of the relatively good days.<span> </span>Some of the other boys said it was whiskey in
her thermos.<span> </span>Some of the girls said she
was wanted for murdering her husband in another state.<span> </span>The first tale was plausible, the second
almost so.<span> </span>It was easy to imagine Mrs.
Tyler murdering someone, especially after lunch and a thermos spiked with Jim
Beam.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The bell
declared the beginning of recess, and Mrs. Tyler stopped short.<span> </span>The students were told to go and play, but to
walk in the halls, and no fighting.<span> </span>He
rose slowly from his desk, knowing that none of the other students would want
to play with him.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">If anyone did it was
by some mistake, by an odd number of kids on a team, or through an act of
pity.<span> </span>There was another, effeminate boy
in another class that talked to him sometimes, but this other boy was much
older than he was, and capricious by nature.<span>
</span>The handsome boy had called the both of them fags on the playground
several times, and the handsome boy had not been punished for it.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
children filed dutifully toward the door, most of them relieved to be away from
Mrs. Tyler.<span> </span>She didn’t have recess duty
that day, and that meant she would remain in class, angrily correcting their
papers.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
followed the Armenian girl with the unpronounceable name out the door, and as
he looked back he saw the handsome boy still sitting at his desk in the back of
the class.<span> </span>Mrs. Tyler held him there
with her gaze alone, her eyes burning into him from her desk near the
blackboard.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>A word
popped into his head as he watched the Remedy: Nuremburg.<span> </span>The Nazis had faced trial at Nuremburg.<span> </span>It seemed to him that no tribunal at
Nuremburg had ever been as frightening as Mrs. Tyler.<span> </span>Mrs. Tyler would have had the Nazis writing
sentence after sentence on the blackboard, only to erase them later.<span> </span>Or else she would have given them a piece of
notebook paper, and a pencil that was too small for her purposes.<span> </span>Either way, they probably would have
preferred the rope, or the firing squad, or however it was that the tribunal
handed out death.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Two
atomic bombs ended the Second World War, with more finality than the
first.<span> </span>This he had learned the night
before.<span> </span>Did all those Japanese people
have to die?<span> </span>And what was it like to be
cooked in a fire so hot that it approached the heat of the sun?<span> </span>So hot that it burned you before you knew you
were burning?<span> </span>Was such a thing
right?<span> </span>Were words like “wrong” or
“right” useless in the context of two countries going to war?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>It
seemed to him that the pendulum of morality was always swinging, and that one
never really knew where one stood in relation to it.<span> </span>The handsome boy had called him a fag on the
playground.<span> </span>But the handsome boy had so
many friends, all just as willing to call him a fag, and all equally unwilling
to play with him.<span> </span>And yet there the
handsome boy was, staying inside for another recess.<span> </span>There he was, shamed before all.<span> </span>A pendulum swinging between wrong and right,
loneliness and shame, even life and death.<span>
</span>Maybe his father had a story for this feeling, too.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-48084812729404349112015-04-19T18:10:00.000-07:002015-04-19T18:10:10.816-07:00Chapter Sixteen<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">1</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">And she is always eluding me through these monuments
and ruins.<span> </span>I try to hold her closer, but
she will not stay in one place.<span> </span>I watch
Rome fall beneath her sightless eyes in the temples of Venus.<span> </span>I watch the Greeks set fire to
themselves.<span> </span>I watch them pile the
victims of her plague.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">I tried to make those
people so civilized, but she brought her barbarians down from the north to
thwart me.<span> </span>She cast the pieces of the
puzzle to the four corners of the earth.<span>
</span>She allowed them time to wallow in mysterious cults, and fed them
circuses instead of grain, instead of bread.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">You wouldn’t have
believed her audacity.<span> </span>Several hundred
years of stoicism, marble statuary, and military conquest.<span> </span>Romans arguing in forums, and all the while
they are distracted by her charms.<span> </span>I
would have raged against her temples.<span> </span>I
would have played the part of Zeus, but she was so elusive.<span> </span>She was not there.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And as
a god I ask myself if I am divided from myself, or whether there remains some
feminine part to play.<span> </span>Am I a god of one
gender, divided into my own mirror image, reflected in the concave?<span> </span>Or am I instead some holy androgyny, with a
push for every pull, and forgiveness for every grudge?<span> </span>The thought of gender slips into my selfhood
again, and I gaze down upon genitalia that are too remote for my viewing, too
long in duration to be found out.<span> </span>An
insane god, perhaps, wishing for some place to interpenetrate.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Where
are we?<span> </span>Myself or Himself or
Herself?<span> </span>Where are we going?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">But I am everywhere,
and she is nowhere, and so there is nothing left for me to pierce, save my own
well-developed sense of order.<span> </span>She is
laughing again, she is, and I can hear their murmuring.<span> </span>I am not insane.<span> </span>I do not want to be insane.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>I
wonder what they say about me behind my back.<span>
</span>All of these Mayans and Centurions and Christians and Manicheans.<span> </span>I know that they are all whispering about
her, but the hallways of antiquity are wide, and I cannot make out the
words.<span> </span>I think that they are talking
about me as well, and I would turn to her for solace, but she is not
there.<span> </span>I know that she relies upon me
somehow, but every time I reach back to grasp her she has slipped away.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>In
every grain of sand, a universe.<span> </span>Smaller
and smaller and smaller until smaller and smaller and smaller becomes bigger
and bigger and bigger.<span> </span>Upon the surface
of a planet I gaze out upon the stars, but those stars are not stars.<span> </span>Those stars are just other molecules in a
finite system, finite system upon finite system, somehow adding up to
infinity.<span> </span>God has no part in the world,
they say.<span> </span>He or she or it or <i>her</i> is a clockmaker.<span> </span>Or a god touched by emotions.<span> </span>A god touched by lust.<span> </span>Or a God infected with evil.<span> </span>Or a God that is a theory, bounded by human
prejudice, and pressed down by historical method.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>I
wonder at Atlanteans, huddled away before the onset of books and papyrus.<span> </span>Have they known her as well?<span> </span>Have they performed the same rites?<span> </span>Was she the seed of their undoing?<span> </span>I talk to these other humans for five
minutes, and they’re proclaiming me a monster, or a shadow, or both.<span> </span>I am not sure which way to turn.<span> </span>I might turn backwards down the length of
History, or I might turn fearfully to the present uncertainty.<span> </span>To her.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>It is
well enough to talk about the weather today, and how our stocks are doing, and
wars in distant places.<span> </span>It is well
enough to think of these as all happening now, concurrently, without our
willing them into existence.<span> </span>There is a
role for an observer, but it is too much for anyone to bear all the time.<span> </span>There is a memory lapse into the present
tense.<span> </span>There are fingers that clutch at
ticks, and the clock ticking behind.<span> </span>The
wake is already behind the boat.<span> </span>The
ripples made by fingers over the surfaces of time have never happened.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
barbarians are raping in the streets.<span> </span>I
see her beneath one of them, and she is in ecstasy.<span> </span>That is no rape at all.<span> </span>I watch her take on man after man, and in the
end they are all limp before her.<span> </span>They
are all ashamed.<span> </span>They cover their shame
with papal robes.<span> </span>They preach the coming
of a messiah.<span> </span>I want them to look to me
for guidance, but they can never quite decide who or what I am.<span> </span>Even small words escape them.<span> </span>Small words shouted in the agoras.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>When
Jesus was upon the cross he was not Jesus yet.<span>
</span>Not until someone wrote it all down.<span>
</span>When Philo mentioned Jesus he may not have mentioned Jesus at all.<span> </span>If God walked as a man it must have seemed
like an eternity in Hell.<span> </span>If God, the
limitless, could impose such limits on Himself.<span>
</span>But messiahs are never endowed with breasts.<span> </span>Only the hindmost part.<span> </span>Only a tail without a remedy.<span> </span>Were you not my Mary then?<span> </span>And how could you have been God, if not to
bear it all quietly?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>I
followed her into the exotic East, but her glory eclipsed my own.<span> </span>It was only in the end that those emperors
and penitents came my way.<span> </span>Languages
pieced together from a Mother tongue, and that is the entirety of the problem
right there.<span> </span>There is no Father
tongue.<span> </span>There is only me.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
spits out words.<span> </span>Careful there.<span> </span>He bites.<span>
</span>We try to contain his outbursts, but the weight of the truths he has
swallowed is writhing in his belly.<span> </span>I
once thought of spilling out all these guts upon the clean tile floor.<span> </span>I wanted to see what I was made of.<span> </span>I wanted to see the fragile part.<span> </span>I wanted to see all those things that I could
never gather back to myself, all of the poisons I had ingested, encased within
all of the pale bloodied flesh, vulnerable to the light of an afternoon.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Mayans
and astronomical observation.<span> </span>I am
counting now.<span> </span>I was counting.<span> </span>I was counting the centuries until I might
see her once again.<span> </span>The Arabic approach
to government.<span> </span>Algebra is discovered and
lost, discovered and lost.<span> </span>I think that
perhaps I have eluded her in the realm of numbers.<span> </span>I am waiting for her inside an equation.<span> </span>But when I turn around I see her work in
everything I’ve done.<span> </span>I see a goddess in
the Sefiroth.<span> </span>Archimedes complains over
calculus, and his glory – like mine – eludes him.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Five
years from now you’ll be five years older.<span>
</span>Ten years from now you’ll be five to ten years older.<span> </span>Twenty years from now you’ll be a fifth of a
century closer to your expiration date.<span>
</span>In forty years most of you faggots and assholes will be bones, and the
faggots and assholes that you’ve spawned within my wake will have inherited the
Earth, meekly.<span> </span>There is no way out with
you people, is there?<span> </span>There are only the
sins I have eaten and the time left between breaths.<span> </span>And he was such a lonely, broken one at the
end.<span> </span>He mourned her.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>You
know the problem with people?<span> </span>No?<span> </span>Well let me tell you.<span> </span>They have this fatalistic outlook.<span> </span>They always think that things have always
been the way they are, and that things will always be the way they have
been.<span> </span>They can’t really imagine a time
when the world was different, and they can’t really imagine a future that they
can give shape to.<span> </span>Free will is
terrifying to them, no matter what philosophy they espouse.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Mercury
or Thoth, they can’t decide.<span>
</span>Trismegistus by name, passed through the eye of Isis.<span> </span>He wrote a book.<span> </span>They want to believe it.<span> </span>He wrote a book.<span> </span>And the pages of the book were the bark of
trees, and the words were the moss upon the bark on a cool morning.<span> </span>In every pebble there lurked an unintended
meaning, while the worms worked their way through the words.<span> </span>Over the book the sun passed, and the
branches sprouted from the trunks, and a forest was built.<span> </span>Leaves emerge from the branches, livid green
and whispering in the exhalations of the mountains.<span> </span>The sun was a quiet sun.<span> </span>It was benevolent.<span> </span>It passes over still.<span> </span>It is forgotten.<span> </span>It is remembered.<span> </span>It wakes and wakes again.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>I’ve
already been to see the forest you talked about.<span> </span>I’ve already seen the trees where you played
as a girl.<span> </span>Yes, and her image was found
even in that.<span> </span>I figure that when I get
ready to retire I might settle down there and raise a family, in the midst of
my books.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Even if
in the end you will escape me.<span> </span>Just like
her.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">2</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The year 750 marked the beginning of the Abbasid
Caliphate in Baghdad.<span> </span>The Abbasids had
replaced the Umayyads, who, like the Abbasids, traced their origins all the way
back to the Prophet.<span> </span>At its height, the
Abbasid Caliphate controlled the Near East, North Africa, and parts of Spain
not far from Cadiz.<span> </span>The reign of the
Abbasids was briefly interrupted by the invasion of Hulagu Khan and his armies
in 1258, though the Caliphate was restored in Egypt three years later, and it
continued to hold authority in religious matters up until 1519, when this
authority was transferred over to the Ottomans in Constantinople.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-19324943965261147572015-04-19T18:08:00.002-07:002015-04-19T18:08:24.098-07:00Chapter Seventeen<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The next day Mrs. Tyler told the Remedy to go to the
principal’s office.<span> </span>He thought he was in
trouble again.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">At lunch he had paid
another boy a dollar to pummel the fat kid with the glasses. This other boy had
done a splendid job.<span> </span>The whole
playground had watched the fight, and the girls had all laughed when the Tail
began crying.<span> </span></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The fight had occurred
in the narrow corridor formed by one of the school’s brick walls, where it
passed nearest the exterior fence.<span>
</span>Dozens of students had stood around to watch the fight, and their
numbers had served to trap the Tail inside the corridor.<span> </span>Their numbers also concealed the altercation
from the eyes of the playground monitors, prolonging the fight and making
culprits harder to identify.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The other boy had
started by calling the Tail a sissy.<span>
</span>This had led to tearful denials, and then threats, and then laughter, and
then the other boy had kicked the Tail to the ground, and began hitting him
about the head and chest.<span> </span>One of the
bystanders had even snatched the Tail’s glasses away, and someone else had
quietly shattered one of the lenses.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The Remedy had stood
to the rear of the crowd, exchanging knowing glances with the boy he had
paid.<span> </span>He tried not to appear too pleased
with the proceedings, but it was difficult not to jeer along with the rest of
the students.<span> </span>Every time the Tail
squealed he thought of Mrs. Tyler, and how flustered she would look when she
saw the Tail’s bruised and bloodied face.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>After
the beating, the Tail had run off to hide somewhere.<span> </span>The sound of his crying followed him to his
hiding place, and the Remedy considered it money well spent.<span> </span>“I even made him do that diorama for me,” he
told a friend after, “I made him do it all by himself.<span> </span>If he’s so smart, why’d I get the same grade
for doing nothing?<span> </span>And why is he the one
getting pummeled?”</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The Remedy would
remember the year 1945 forever after, because Mrs. Tyler had been most
calculating in her punishments the day before.<span>
</span>His hand still ached from her retribution, and his ears still rang with
her rebukes.<span> </span>She had a criticism for
everything that he did, and behind all of her words was the mocking smile of
his classmate, that boy who never made a mistake, that boy who had all the
answers ready for every question.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
only bright spot in the previous day had been the consolation he had received
in his mother’s arms after school.<span> </span>She
had told him not to worry, and she had helped him finish his homework.<span> </span>His father took them get milkshakes
afterward, and they had laughed together, and played video games in a local
arcade, and they all forgot - for a while - how fragile their happiness truly was.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>After
receiving his summons to the principal’s office he walked to the door of his
class, looking back for a moment at the Tail, seated in the front row.<span> </span>The Tail had his eyes upon Mrs. Tyler as the
older woman watched the Remedy leave the room.<span>
</span>The Tail had a dark bruise around his left eye, and his lower lip was
bloody and beginning to swell.<span> </span>The collar
of his shirt was torn, and scabs were drying on his knuckles.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span><i>Yes</i>, the Remedy thought, <i>money well spent.</i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Outside the door to
their class a large hallway led to the other end of the building.<span> </span>The ceiling was very high above, with lamps
that hung down several feet.<span> </span>The floor
and walls were cement, and had been renovated to withstand air raids during the
War.<span> </span>A stylized molding, painted off-white,
decorated the doorways that occupied the hall.<span>
</span>Between the doorways there were glass fronted cases that showcased
trophies awarded for long-gone events, and halfway down the length of the hall
there was a large staircase that led down to the school’s main entrance.<span> </span>The walls were a brownish color, and the
floor surface squealed beneath his basketball shoes.<span> </span>The principal’s office was located within the
main school office, which was just a few doors down to his left, just before
the staircase.<span> </span>Outside the door to the
main office there was a metal plaque describing the functions of several people
within.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Inside,
the room was humming with secretaries.<span>
</span>The door to the principal’s office was one of three doors at the other
end of the room, in the right corner.<span>
</span>Outside the door to his office, where the principal himself stood, there
was a police officer and a tense-looking woman in a business outfit.<span> </span>The principal, a white-haired man with a southern
air, stood just behind these two, with worry written all over his face.<span> </span>The police officer was shining black, and the
tense-looking woman was a pale white verging on yellow.<span> </span>All avoided the Remedy’s searching gaze.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
principal studied the boy for a moment, and then retreated into his
office.<span> </span>The police officer and the woman
silently came over to where he was standing, and ushered him into an adjoining
room.<span> </span>He asked them who they were, and
what was going on.<span> </span>He thought about
apologizing for what he had done to the fat boy with the glasses, and he
wondered if his mother or father were already on their way to his school, angry
over what he’d done.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Minutes
later, amidst cushioned furniture and framed certificates, they told him that
his parents were both dead.<span> </span>It had
happened that morning, and there was nothing anyone could do.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">A fire.<span> </span>His parents had died in a fire.<span> </span>His parents had breathed in smoke, so they
had not suffered.<span> </span>His parents had died
in a fire.<span> </span>A fire.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>No
living relatives that could take him, but they were going to find a place for
him to stay.<span> </span>A fire.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>They
would try to keep him in the same school.<span>
</span>A fire.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>But
they couldn’t promise.<span> </span>A fire.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And
they couldn’t</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span><i>What?<span>
</span>Promise?<span> </span>But I was with my mom
this morning and she was hugging me and she told me that everything was going
to be just fine the night before and when I woke up this morning I was in my
pajamas and I went to the living room and she was there with my dad for a few
minutes and they were holding hands and my dad smiled at me and my mom looked
like an angel and then I got my schoolbag and I started to go towards the door
and then I realized that I had forgotten one of my books so I went back to my
room to get it and then I did and then I found it lying beneath my bed and
someone said something then and I was thinking about cartoons and the light was
just perfect as it came into my room through the drawn Star Wars curtains and
it made everything my parents ever bought for me glow just right like in a
movie and then I went back to the kitchen and my mom said where are you going
Mr. you haven’t even had your breakfast yet and my dad was talking about what a
busy boy I am and how hard I was trying even though nothing I ever do is good
enough for Teacher and then my mom laughed and I remembered this time they took
me to Vashon or somewhere else out on the peninsula and I ran around this old
army base that no one ever uses anymore and my dad was chasing me with a
flashlight and then we took the flashlights into one of those tunnels and it
was really dark and scary but it was OK because my dad was holding my hand and
then we came back out into the sunlight and my mom laughed and said she was
worried about us and then we drove back home and I fell asleep and while I was
asleep my mom or my dad picked me up and put me in my bed and when I woke up it
was just like this morning and just like every other morning before it and
every morning after that should be like the mornings before so that I can wake
up and see my mommy and my daddy smiling there at me in the kitchen and if they
could just stay around I know it wouldn’t really matter that I can’t read so
good and that school is hard for me because I would always know that at the end
of the day I would see one or both of them there even though my dad is such a
hard worker and sometimes he comes home so late and then I have to do my
homework or even do extra homework and I can’t talk to him as much as I would
like to because he’s so tired and I’m so busy but I always know that sometime
on the weekend I will come inside the house and see him there in the living
room and he’ll ask me about how many little girlfriends I have at school or
he’ll try to help me read better and my mom will be around cooking or cleaning
or doing something like reading a book which she can do really good and if I
could read like her I would be so happy and I try so hard to be a good boy even
though I paid someone a dollar to beat up that fat kid and why and how and what
is this lady saying to me about my mom being DEAD and that can’t be true
because I know my mom would never leave me like that and my dad can’t be DEAD
because he’s a great guy and he never hurt anyone and I try so hard to be like
him and he can’t leave me like this and he never did anything wrong and I never
did anything wrong and this stupid lady must be confused or something because
my parents aren’t really DEAD and this is all just a joke.</i></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span></span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The shining black policeman held
him as he wept and screamed.<span> </span>Later, all
he could remember of this moment was a copy of Good Housekeeping, which had
been lying on a table in the center of the room.<span> </span>On the cover of that magazine was a woman, in
appearance much like his mother, hanging plants on a balcony.<span> </span>His mother liked to hang plants, but his
mother, like his father, was dead.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-51864622945618709122015-04-19T18:06:00.002-07:002015-04-19T18:06:37.147-07:00Chapter Eighteen<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Also not her.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>In
Europe, at about the same time, the world was a very dark place.<span> </span>Pepin founded the Carolingian Dynasty over
the Franks a year after the founding of the Abbasid Caliphate, and in 768
Charlemagne would proclaim himself “Emperor of the Romans.”<span> </span>The barbarians were growing civilized, or at
least more Christianized, and the power of the Church advanced hand in hand
with the power of the early warrior kings.<span>
</span>As the Vikings raided further into Christian territory, many looked
toward both pope and king for salvation.<span>
</span>In such an age the idea of apocalypse took on an imminence that escapes
most modern peoples, with only strength of arms and devotion standing between
these small kingdoms and the end of days.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Also
not her.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>In 868
the earliest known printed book appeared in China.<span> </span>Missionaries from the crumbling Byzantine
Empire penetrated deeper into the barbarous lands north of the Caspian Sea, and
invented the Cyrillic alphabet as a means of converting the pagans to
Christianity.<span> </span>Stones were moved across
vast distances for the sake of building churches and conquering the idolatrous
mind.<span> </span>Iceland was settled by
Norsemen.<span> </span>Somewhere in the jungles of
Africa, great kingdoms flourished and then disappeared, and kings whose wealth
could have purchased half of Europe lived and died south of the Equator.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Also
not her.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>In 1049
Pope Leo IX ascended the papal throne.<span>
</span>Five years after, the Church faced a final Schism between East and West,
with a scrap of Latin standing between church elders on both sides of the
argument.<span> </span>In 1066 William the Conqueror
invaded England, and crowned himself King of England following the Battle of
Hastings.<span> </span>An emperor walked barefoot
through the snow and begged the forgiveness of a pope.<span> </span>The first of the Crusades began, at the
urging of Pope Urban II in 1099.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Also
not her.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Orders
of monks were formed, and these intrigued against one another.<span> </span>The king schemed against the pope, the pope
schemed against the king, with the nobles and monks divided between these two
powers.<span> </span>In 1149 the Second Crusade
failed, and the Crusader State was consigned to the annals of history.<span> </span>Honen Shonen founded the “Pure Land” sect in
Japan, marking the beginning of a Buddhist sectarian movement in that
country.<span> </span>Turkic Muslim invaders sacked
the university at Nalanda.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Also
not her.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>In 1204
Constantinople was attacked during the Fourth Crusade.<span> </span>In 1206 Ghengis Khan established the Mongol
Empire.<span> </span>The Mongols would go on to
redraw the map of the world, creating one of the mightiest empires in history,
stretching from East Asia into Europe.<span>
</span>In 1215, John of England was forced to sign the Magna Carta, and
thereafter the power of the English monarch was limited by this binding
document.<span> </span>In 1295 Marco Polo published
his account of journeys in China.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Also
not her.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>On
Friday, October 13, 1307, the Knights Templar were rounded up by Philip of
France and murdered.<span> </span>During the same
year the papacy was moved to Avignon.<span> </span>In
1337 the Hundred Years’ War began, and in 1347 the Black Death ravaged Europe.<span> </span>The Mongols fell from power in China, and the
Bible was translated into English by John Wycliffe.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Also
not her.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And
then Al Hakim I was ruling from Cairo.<span>
</span>He, who was the son of Al Mustansir II, who was the son of Al Hasan, who
was the son of Abu Bakr, who was the son of Al Mustarshid, who was the son of
Al Mustazhir, who was the son of Al Muktadi, who was the son of Muhammad
Dhakirat, who was the son of Al Qa’im I, who was the son of Al Qadir, who was
the son of Al Muttaki, who was the son of Al Muktadir, who was the son of Al
Mu’tadid, who was the son of Al Muwafflak, who was the son of Al Mutawakkil,
who was Himself, who was Friend To The Character From a Science Fiction Novel
That Has Yet To Be Written, who was the son of Al Mu’tasim I, who was the son
of Harun Al Rashid, who was the son of Al Mahdi, who was the son of Al Mansur,
who was the son of Muhammad, who was the son of Ali, who was the son of Abd
Allah, who was the son of Al Abbas, who was uncle to the Prophet.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-76232770252958911152015-04-19T18:05:00.000-07:002015-04-19T18:05:11.280-07:00Chapter Nineteen<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“Do you love me daddy?” the Tail asked.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Why of
course,” his father answered.<span> </span>“Of course
I do.<span> </span>You’re my boy, aren’t you?<span> </span>And I’m your dad, aren’t I?<span> </span>I love you more than anything in the world.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>They
were sitting on a pile of rocks near the ocean, with the waves breaking below
their feet.<span> </span>His mother hadn’t been
feeling well that day, so she hadn’t come out to the ocean with them.<span> </span>Twenty minutes before, his father had bought
him an ice cream cone, and they had sat on a bench in front of a small café while
he had finished it.<span> </span>Then they had gone
to the pile of rocks that stood just past the shoreline.<span> </span>It was a solitary place, at the end of a long
jetty.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
café was little more than a wooden shack, mostly brown with windows on every
side.<span> </span>It had a rather elaborate roof
that came to a point, with eaves that offered shade far beyond the walls of the
building.<span> </span>There was a wooden ramp
leading to an entrance on the opposite side of it, and a rectangular gravel
lawn stretched before it on the seaward side, with several wooden benches set
around the perimeter of this lawn.<span>
</span>Behind the lawn, the Tail could see his father’s rusting Dodge and a few
other automobiles, pickups and station wagons owned by local farmers.<span> </span>Behind the café a two-lane highway wound along
the coast, and behind the highway there were small farms where cows grazed, in
the sight of rolling treed hills that followed slow, lazy waterways into the
heights of mountainside and evergreen forest.<span>
</span>The Tail viewed this panorama from his rocky extension of coastline, a
coastline which ranged north and south alongside the calm ocean, northward into
a hilly cape adorned with a lighthouse, and southward into the places where
pastureland gave way to rolling dunes and beachfront property.<span> </span>It was the kind of place that tourists
stopped to admire, but never stayed in for long.<span> </span>One might glimpse the tourists’ camping gear
and confident smiles inside the café, but those people were always on the way
to somewhere else: somewhere more scenic, somewhere more historic, and
somewhere more important.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
Tail’s father, a portly man in flannel and denim, a portly clean-shaven man
with a shock of wild white hair, was picking at a crevice in one of the
stones.<span> </span>The Tail was a nondescript
boy.<span> </span>Not fat then.<span> </span>Not old enough for glasses.<span> </span>Just a boy, like many others.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“But
mom said I wasn’t even your real son,” he added after some reflection.<span> </span>He was staring out into the crashing surf,
his eyes tracing the paths of gulls.<span>
</span>“Mom said she didn’t know who my father was.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>His
father was very quiet for a long time.<span>
</span>“Your mother’s ill, son,” the older man said thoughtfully, “And she says
things she shouldn’t say.<span> </span>I know I’m
your father.<span> </span>It couldn’t have been
anyone else but me, and I want you to remember that.<span> </span>Why, you look like me, don’t you?<span> </span>You have my eyes.<span> </span>You even tell stories like I do!<span> </span>You’re my son for sure.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“It’s
just that your mom, well, she gets confused sometimes, and once she gets
confused she starts getting angry.<span> </span>Angry
people say many hurtful things, even when they don’t mean to.<span> </span>Even when they love someone, like your mother
loves you.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The boy
had found a stick jammed into one of the nearby rocks, and was using it to pry
at some growth just above the waterline.<span>
</span>He was wearing a red Captain Marvel T-shirt, a pair of corduroy slacks
with worn out knees, and a pair of tennis shoes.<span> </span>His hair was a mess, and he would need a bath
after they returned home.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The sky and sea were
very blue that day, and it seemed that they had the whole coastline to
themselves.<span> </span>All the other patrons of the
café were inside, quietly drinking coffee or enjoying local gossip.<span> </span>They all knew about the Tail and his father,
the man who worked for the Forest Service and his young son, that crazy wife of
his locked up in the farmhouse - all if it.<span>
</span>The Tail could see their faces behind the windows of the café, engaged
in a conversation that would endure for as long as people inhabited that place.<span> </span>It was a story transformed over lifetimes,
yet static in its way, its limits defined by the oldest living patron and the
youngest living patron, the story that was and the story that was coming into
being.<span> </span>And the Tail could feel his
presence inside of that story, inside of their gossip.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
Tail was still only 5, so he didn’t understand everything his father said about
his mother.<span> </span>The boy sounded very mature
for his age, but there was still a lot that got by him.<span> </span>His father, an older version of himself, was
a quiet, pensive sort of man who happened to be very kind.<span> </span>His father was too kind even to curse the day
he had met the boy’s mother, but there were days when he sat alone in his
office, and wondered after all the spiteful things she said in private.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And it
wasn’t just the drink with her.<span> </span>It was
something else.<span> </span>It took him a long time
to realize that the drinking was her way of masking the symptoms, her way of
balancing things out.<span> </span>She was trying to
maintain the same sense of reality as everyone else, but there were times when
things fractured, when her nightmares became real, and when she was dancing to
some other tune, beyond others’ hearing.<span>
</span>It was in those moments that she could be truly terrifying, even to the
boy’s father.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“I did
like you told me, daddy,” said the boy.<span>
</span>“Yesterday she tried to put me in the closet again, but I got away.<span> </span>I didn’t listen to her talking then.<span> </span>I just ran.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“That’s
good,” his father answered, “That’s a good boy.<span>
</span>You just remember to do that when she’s not herself.<span> </span>Find a place to hide if I’m not there.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>But his
father knew that this would only work for so long, and the memory of the
episode with the scissors was still fresh in his mind.<span> </span>She had been very lucid for most of that day,
and it wasn’t until the boy was tucked into bed that she got the idea about the
scissors, and what bad little boys deserved.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Thankfully
the paramedics had arrived quickly, and there was no permanent harm done.<span> </span>He, the father, had thanked the doctor with
tears in his eyes, and the doctor had spoken of getting the boy’s mother
committed.<span> </span>He knew that the doctor was
right, but it was so difficult to rid his mind of the woman he had married, so
many years before.<span> </span>That woman he had
married was impossible to forget – beautiful as an August sunset, eccentric,
and brilliant.<span> </span>The memory of that woman
haunted his days, and her shadow obscured the more frightening episodes with a
hope that she might be getting better.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The boy
was growing cold, and his father could see that it was time to start heading
for the car.<span> </span>They had been out a long
time, and it was getting late.<span> </span>He
thought they might stop by a diner on the way home, and maybe once inside the
diner he could pull all of those papers out of his briefcase, and contemplate
institutionalizing his wife for the hundredth time.<span> </span>He wanted to think that any illness that
lasted so long was bound to get better.<span>
</span>He wanted to think that death was always quick, and never slow.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">When he and the boy’s
mother had first married, he had told her stories of how they would be together
for the rest of their lives.<span> </span>But it had
only been a few months before she was drunk most of the time, or shouting
nonsense, or hurting their pets.<span> </span>She
lost control so quickly, and in her more rational moments she had to play
spectator to her disease, hearing stories of all the horrible things she
herself had said and done, all of the damage and distrust she herself had
engendered.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Come
on,” he said to the boy, “Let’s get back to the car.<span> </span>You feel up for a hamburger at the Old
Mill?<span> </span>I know you just had ice cream and
all, but I’m hungry!”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The boy
laughed at this, and it was good to see him smile.<span> </span>“Daddy, you’re always hungry!” he giggled.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“So I
am,” said the large, beaming man, “But there’s nothing wrong with that!<span> </span>I’m bigger than most around these parts, and
if I don’t get my dinner soon I’ll… I’ll eat up the nearest boy!”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
grabbed the Tail in his arms and made as if to eat him.<span> </span>The boy, almost overcome by joy, squealed in
surprise.<span> </span>They chased one another over
the rocks as they slowly made their way back to the Dodge.<span> </span>As they did so, the sun dropped lower and
lower beneath the horizon.<span> </span>An autumn
sunset.<span> </span>Earlier and earlier every day.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span><i>Where was I?</i><span> </span>The Tail later asked himself.<span> </span><i>Did we
live in San Francisco then?<span> </span>Or
Oregon?<span> </span>Out by Aberdeen?</i><span> </span>He could remember how gloriously alive his
father had been, and how a fearful thing – his mother – stalked through the
corners of his house, only to die – finally – soon after.<span> </span><i>What
did my father do with the house?<span> </span>Where
was he working?<span> </span>How did we live, after?</i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And
then he remembered that it must have been the Fourth of July, because fireworks
filled the heavens on the drive home.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-62219106219965779272015-04-19T18:03:00.000-07:002015-04-19T18:03:17.290-07:00Chapter Twenty<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Also not her.<span>
</span></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The Character From a Science Fiction Novel That Has
Yet To Be Written and Himself – or Herself – [fashioned] a time machine out of
discarded action figures, flippant remarks, and bits of the Parthian
Empire.<span> </span>They [christened] their
invention The Salamander, and from their vantage point in the distant and
present future they [set] out on a journey of exploration into the past, or
maybe the future, or maybe the present.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>In
order to achieve trans-temporal velocities, The Salamander must first reach the
Speed of Transcendence, which is the fastest velocity not yet known to
Man.<span> </span>At this Speed of Transcendence, it
is able to pass around the curvature of the entire universe, and thus arrive at
an age far removed from their present future.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
only difficulty [lies] in leaving the time machine.<span> </span>Due to quantum interference, the travelers
[will pass] into a dimension so small as to be beneath others’ notice, and this
[will make] observations in a previous past time a challenge.<span> </span>The Character From a Science Fiction Novel
That Has Yet To Be Written [believes] that he [is] able to overcome this
obstacle, though Himself (or Herself) [has] his (or her) doubts.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">IF THEY JOURNEY INTO
THE FUTURE, REMAIN ON THIS PAGE</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">IF THEY JOURNEY INTO
THE PAST, REMAIN ON THIS PAGE</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">[Arriving] at their destination, the two time
travelers [find] themselves (or themself) in the Middle Ages.<span> </span>They [are] in a monk’s cell somewhere,
probably in northern Europe, and the stench of a chamber pot [emanates] from
the corner of the room.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Two men
[tower] above them, and both [are] dressed in black robes crawling with white
lice.<span> </span>It [is] early evening, and candles
[have been] lit throughout the small chamber.<span>
</span>Through the flickering light they [see] damp stone walls, a bed of
straw, and a primitive sort of chair.<span>
</span>There [are] no windows in the room, only a thick wooden door that [leads]
into a dim hallway.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
larger of the two figures [is] an older man with a hairless head and a clean
shaven face.<span> </span>His age [is] hard to
determine because of both the insufficient light and the griminess of his
person.<span> </span>The smaller of the two figures
[wears] the monastic tonsure, and [sports] a long black beard streaked with
gray.<span> </span>It [is] the smaller man who [is]
talking.<span> </span>He [speaks] with a deep bass,
and his tone [is] that of an inferior speaking to a superior.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Quite
interesting,” [says] Himself (or Herself), “It seems that they are speaking to
one another in Latin.<span> </span>I can’t make out
everything they say, but fortunately we brought our Miraculous Translating
Machine with us, which is able to translate any language without needing to
make any sense of what people are saying.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Yes,”
[says] The Character From a Science Fiction Novel That Has Yet To Be Written,
“But you will need to hold the microphone closer.<span> </span>At this size it’s like trying to hear a
conversation in another galaxy.<span> </span>Not only
are the room and the people in it beyond our visual comprehension, but at this
size the sound of their voices – lacking proper instruments – would be quite
beyond us.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Himself
(or Herself) [adjusts] the microphone – which might just as well be called a
macrophone – in the proper direction, and the two [listen] intently.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">…I have never seen
such a one as this.<span> </span>We place her in the
flames, and she curses us.<span> </span>We stretch
her upon the rack, but she will not confess her heresy.<span> </span>She does not understand that it is not for
our own sakes that we do this.<span> </span>She does
not understand that it is only for the greater glory of God that we scourge
her, so that she might be set on the path that leads toward the true doctrines
and teachings of our sovereign lord Jesus Christ.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“She
came unto us many days ago, and has resided here within the keep since her
arrival.<span> </span>I have assigned the most
skillful of torturers to her case, so that she might be more swiftly made to
understand the nature of her sins.<span> </span>On
the first day we saw fit to deprive her of food and water, and on the second
day one of our torturers applied the whip.<span>
</span>This was done in the most judicious fashion.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“I myself oversaw the
whipping, and I myself witnessed her obstinacy.<span>
</span>She bears a heavy weight of transgression upon her shoulders.<span> </span>The woman even cursed the name of our Holy
Mother Church, and commanded us to desist from our interrogations.<span> </span>Of course we knew that there was no way for
us to do so, as we are all true men of the Church Triumphant, brothers in
Christ, and too merciful to give up on her so easily.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“It was
the villagers that brought her to us.<span> </span>It
was reported that on several occasions she was seen in the company of a man who
was not her husband, and that she had followed this man into the depths of the
forest, where their doings could not be discovered.<span> </span>This man wore upon his breast a strange
manner of cross, with eight points, and other items of jewelry, all of unknown
manufacture.<span> </span>We have sent brothers into
the forest to look for this man, though he has thus far eluded us.<span> </span>That she has lain with this man after the
manner of a wife with her husband is common knowledge in the village, and her
husband has even delivered to us items that this other man brought into their
shared abode.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“The
woman speaks strangely.<span> </span>I have
investigated countless other witches and warlocks on behalf of the Church, and
I am convinced that this woman possesses knowledge of some strange, black art
that is not easily understood.<span> </span>She
persists in the claim that she has been faithful to her husband, despite
evidence to the contrary.<span> </span>At this time
there are too many details pointing toward her guilt, and she has done little
to refute the veracity of these details.<span>
</span>It would help our cause greatly if she could produce the man, but she
seems to have no knowledge of his present whereabouts.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“In the
end it matters little, however, for the Lord will be glorified, and Satan will
be cast out.<span> </span>We will not forsake this
poor, troubled soul in her hour of need.<span>
</span>Her redemption at our hands will be both an example and a warning to
many others.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“How interesting,” [says] The Character From a
Science Fiction Novel That Has Yet To Be Written, “But I’m wondering if they
will still think the same way in a hundred years or so.<span> </span>Their faith in the unobservable is admirable,
but I’m wondering if this lack of empiricism is common to the age, or only
common to these two men.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“An
interesting question,” [says] Himself (or Herself), “But will these two men be
alive in a hundred years?<span> </span>I don’t think
that humans lived so long in this era.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Your
guess is as good as mine,” [says] The Character From a Science Fiction Novel
That Has Yet To Be Written, “But anyway, I’m growing bored of all this
torturing and religious mystification, and the smell from that chamber pot is
also starting to bother me – even at this size.<span>
</span>Let’s set the dial for a hundred years on, and see if they are still
here, and if so, whether or not they are still obsessed with the same articles
of faith and sexuality.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Fair
enough,” [says] Himself (or Herself) as they [set] the controls for a hundred
years on.<span> </span>“From this time it will take
no time at all to reach that time.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>[Arriving]
at their next destination, the two time travelers [steer] a course for the
pews.<span> </span>The church they [occupy] seems to
belong to the early colonial phase of American history, though Himself (or
Herself) [expresses] doubts as to their exact location on the time axis.<span> </span>It [is] another small space – or it [would
be] a small space, if they [were] larger than a quark – with rows of wooden
benches [looking] upon a simple altar where a cross [sits] upon a blue cloth.<span> </span>Bodies [move] around them – the immense forms
of the parishioners - and The Character From a Science Fiction Novel That Has
Yet To Be Written [takes] a moment to look up at the ceiling timbers, and to
admire the way the sunlight [passes] through the imperfections in the window
glass.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“I see
we are in a church,” [says] The Character From a Science Fiction Novel That Has
Yet To Be Written, “And that the pastor is addressing his congregation.<span> </span>It would seem that faith still holds a place
in their future.<span> </span>And yet these people
are slightly cleaner, and I have yet to detect the stench of any chamber pot.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“It is also written within the pages of our Bible
that the world was made in six days, and that on the seventh day the Lord
rested.<span> </span>After this he created Man, and
from Man, Woman, and Woman was tempted by the serpent, so that mankind was cast
from Eden, and the Lord placed a flaming sword before the entrance
thereto.<span> </span>This sword turned every which
way, and prevented our return to paradise on Earth.<span> </span>In this way God, in His infinite wisdom, saw
fit to throw us upon our own resources, which we do now in this New World, so
that we might partake of the fruits of our labors, giving the greater part
thereof unto the glory of the Lord, as for a thanksgiving.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">As the pastor [takes] a moment to clear his throat,
the two time travelers [debate] their next destination.<span> </span>The Character From a Science Fiction Novel
That Has Yet To Be Written [wants] to travel a hundred more years into the
future past, while Himself (or Herself) [wants] to go backwards (or is it
forwards?) and observe some of the dinosaurs firsthand.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>They
[argue] until the pastor [finishes] his oration, and all of the parishioners
[have] left the church.<span> </span>Minutes or
millennia later or before they [are] struck by a past future version of themselves,
or rather The Single Omnipresent Electron That Is Moving Backward In Time, and
they [begin] to realize that love – and not a cruel kind of fortitude – might
just be the answer to a world that is coming to an end.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“Oh well,” says one of the time travelers, “At least
we have escaped the fate of men in long gone ages.<span> </span>We will be smashed to bits by a subatomic
particle, and this, at least, is something new.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“I’m
not so sure,” says the other as if to himself (or herself) “We may have just
repeated their mistakes in a different form, and on a smaller scale.<span> </span>The mistakes they have made live on in our
chemistry, and it may be heredity, if not from the beginning destiny, that wins
the day.<span> </span>However we might have bounded
through time, the same clock would have been ticking.<span> </span>And even cells so small can hold us.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">TO GIVE THANKS TO THE
INEVITABLE, TURN TO THE NEXT PAGE</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">TO WALLOW IN THE
MISTAKES OF PREVIOUS GENERATIONS, TURN TO THE NEXT PAGE</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-53491567205713316232015-04-19T18:00:00.005-07:002015-04-19T18:00:59.924-07:00Chapter Twenty One<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">1</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Growing older, and soon we found ourselves in high
school.<span> </span>You were such a beautiful
girl.<span> </span>I don’t know why you had to set
your sights on Psychology.<span> </span>Or had it
been Business?<span> </span>Or had it been both?<span> </span>I watched you from the back of the class, and
every day I saw you added to my exquisite agony.<span> </span>From the back of the class, your glorious
long blonde hair and that easy smile.<span>
</span>Also your jealous friend, who would have fucked me.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">But I was too much the
awkward boy, and it was all that I could do to be polite.<span> </span>Even that one, disastrous date at the lake,
when I wanted only to hold you and to tell you how much I loved you.<span> </span>I was still so afraid and uncertain, prideful
and arrogant, yet unwilling to take the chance.<span>
</span>I had dreamt of you for so long, but in the end you showed me a picture
of some other, shirtless boy, and I knew that you loved him – more than you
would ever love me.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">It was only years
later, when I saw you and failed to recognize you, that I realized that you had
never been, and only my longing had made you so.<span> </span>The girl I loved and lived for was a
stranger.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>But by
then, when we were in the clothing store where I worked, we were already in the
midst of college, and college was where I had meant to begin.<span> </span>I was talking about libraries, I was, and all
the trouble that they bring.<span> </span>I was
talking about a city by the sea.<span> </span>And I
will turn away from you now, you shameful thing.<span> </span>I had not wanted to include you here.<span> </span>You should have written something else.<span> </span>You should have loved me.<span> </span>But you didn’t.<span> </span>I was only a replacement, and a poor one at
that.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">2</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Before
college and libraries, and a prehistory of being alone.<span> </span>Forget the happy childhood in Seattle.<span> </span>That ended in high school.<span> </span>He was a loner then, he was a self-decided
outcast.<span> </span>In truth, he didn’t know how to
talk to people, and girls were frightening.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He thought that he
would grow up and be a great historian one day, but he was probably
mistaken.<span> </span>Instead of forging high school
memories he lurked in the library at lunch – as yet undecided as to his future
course of study – and read Shakespeare from a table where no one would see
him.<span> </span>Some girls found him alluring, this
boy who seemed to neither want nor need friends, but it was all just a pose on
his part.<span> </span>It was all just a
defense.<span> </span>He really didn’t know what he
was doing, and yes, he had been bullied a bit during the first two years of
high school, so he tried very hard to be alone.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Sometimes
he wrote mournful poems in his notebook.<span>
</span>These are not to be spoken of.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Again,
years later, and he is graduating high school in the absence of any real sense
of ecstasy.<span> </span>He is standing there in his
ridiculous gown and his square hat with the tassel on and everyone around him
is so happy.<span> </span>Yet he’s not so happy
because he still has no idea what he wants to do with the rest of his life or
even tomorrow and besides all that he’s just waiting and waiting and waiting
and then.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">3</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Down,
down into the depths of the library.<span> </span>No
light here.<span> </span>No sound.<span> </span>The steps or an elevator leading into the
bowels of the Earth, in a city by the sea.<span>
</span>No cannonballs to fear in this precinct, no worry over oppressors or
oppression.<span> </span>No economic miracles or
energy crises within the presence of yellowed books.<span> </span>Down away from the sunlight, and there is no
more green, and if, occasionally, the lovely eyes of another are glimpsed, it
is all the price you pay for your intrusion.<span>
</span>There is no way up from this defile, and for every pound that pulls one
back to the surface, back to the drunken parties and nightlife, there are two
pounds pulling downward, into the shadows of obsolete books.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>No one
has any need for books anymore.<span> </span>We can
get it all online.<span> </span>We can read it on our
friends’ blogs.<span> </span>Or at least we think
they are our friends.<span> </span>We’ve never met
most of them.<span> </span>We don’t know their phone
numbers.<span> </span>We’ve never had sex.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>So much
to the good, perhaps, to pull down one’s pants and piss all over these
books.<span> </span>They are without meaning.<span> </span>They are without purpose.<span> </span>It amounts to the same thing.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Yet, still, they offer
refuge to the traveler, and one might find within this library an alcove, a
place of silence, and a time in which to reflect.<span> </span>What does it matter if the professors of the
upper world have sent us searching after truths that no longer exist?<span> </span>What does it matter that books within the
Earth are little more than unmarked graves, for people whose importance was
only ever questionable at best?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Wait
there, I think I am on to something now.<span>
</span>You follow the numbers down to the end.<span>
</span>345, 346, 347, and there is Cartridge’s work on cosmology.<span> </span>Theia, as he would have it.<span> </span>But this book is already several years out of
date.<span> </span>Better to consult the periodicals
for more current information.<span> </span>Better to
consult Wikipedia.<span> </span>Better, and easier.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Someone
has left an exam paper within the book.<span>
</span>But wait, no, it’s not an exam paper.<span>
</span>It is a note in blue and red ink.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“Theia,”
it says, “Was a planet before our planet, and the libraries of Theia were
something else to see.<span> </span>It is said that
after the two planets collided, the molten libraries of Theia thrust straight
through the mantle of our infant Earth, forming a core of knowledge within.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">4</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">There was that one time when Her Quiet Dependable
Man was out of town.<span> </span>She remembers.<span> </span>She smiles at the thought.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He came
to her unawares, just after Her Quiet Dependable Man had packed off to his
dusty university, and they made love for hours.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He never thought that
a woman could enjoy sucking him so much.<span>
</span>She actually seemed to enjoy it when his semen filled her mouth.<span> </span>Girls/women from drama classes made a
face.<span> </span>Others ran to the bathroom, hand
cupped beneath their mouth, trying not to gag.<span>
</span>She never minded the taste of him.<span>
</span>She actually seemed to enjoy it.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>After
all their play they put their clothes back on, and headed back down the
stairs.<span> </span>He grabbed his coat off the coat
rack, and she took her purse from the table in the carpeted hall, and as they
opened the door they both realized what a splendid day it was, so ripe for
adventure.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>They
got into his car and drove all the way to Montana.<span> </span>Her Quiet Dependable Man would be at some
conference in San Francisco.<span> </span>Her Quiet
Dependable Man was taking the flight there right after work, and would not be
returning home for many days.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He knew that she was
trying her best to appear cavalier about the whole thing, but beneath her easy
smile there was calculation.<span> </span>He knew
that in the absence of certainty she would have never come at all.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>How
many days did they make love beneath dead trees in the desert?<span> </span>How many times did he fall asleep listening
to the sound of her voice?<span> </span>It may have
only been a few days, but in the luxury of their love it was all one eternity,
with the road stretching onward through desert, and mountain pasture, and
alpine forest.<span> </span>She held him close at
some rest stop, and her soft words in his ear were like a shiver.<span> </span>She was a metaphor for everything he didn’t
have.<span> </span>Rose, or not Rose.<span> </span>She was not.<span>
</span>Metaphors are not.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>They
entwined themselves in their own clothes, delirious within hotel rooms and
trapped within the confines of his car.<span>
</span>The whole panorama of the world spread out on either side, and every
time her fingers brushed against him he knew she was his forever, just as he
knew the minute Her Quiet Dependable Man returned she would be foreign, alien,
and incognito.<span> </span>His love for her was
something he felt in his throat, strangling him, and as with any strangling
there was a sense of everything slipping away into darkness and dissolution.<span> </span>At one of their diners they pretended to be
man and wife, and she was always laughing over the other women who noticed him,
their impatient stares.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>In
Montana they slept next to a half-frozen lake, and when they woke in the
morning there were bear tracks outside their door.<span> </span>She told him that she couldn’t use her own
credit card, because the name of the lodge would show up on her statement.<span> </span>He didn’t have enough money to keep going,
and Her Quiet Dependable Man would be returning soon, returning to claim what
was his.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And he
still needed enough gas to get them back.<span>
</span>He still needed to be careful.<span> </span>He
still needed to pretend.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
stared down at the bear tracks and he knew that the whole thing was over.<span> </span>Her talk of credit cards had ruined it.<span> </span>They had loved brilliantly for such a short
couple of days, and now it was over for him, because she had reminded him that
everything had to be paid for in its own time.<span>
</span>He looked up at the lake, and the lake was only half full.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>They
drove back in near-silence.<span> </span>His car
labored all the way back from Montana.<span> </span>Over
hills the sound from the back left wheel grew worse, and no one knew which way
they went, no one cared to know where they had gone.<span> </span>She continued to talk on, he pretended to
listen, but when they made love it was all a reenactment of former passions.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>They
argued in Couer d’Alene over some harmless comment she had made.<span> </span>His thoughts were racing, and it was all he
could do not to cry.<span> </span>It was hard to be
so alone.<span> </span>It was even more difficult to
be alone in the company of other people.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">5</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>But I
fell down in the library.<span> </span>I had been
sent there or I had gone there under my own steam, looking for relevant works
on the subject of colonialism, or linguistic analysis, or the early history of
the Chinese Republic.<span> </span>You can’t remember
what your major is.<span> </span>She’s such a quiet
girl, that one, and even though we invite her to all the best parties she never
shows up.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Grating
against my fucking face.<span> </span>Blades like
serpentine.<span> </span>I think that I will be
better-informed tomorrow.<span> </span>They are lying
on the carpet now.<span> </span>They were lying on
the carpet yesterday.<span> </span>They will be lying
to us about the carpet tomorrow.<span> </span>The
artificial weave stretches ahead of us like a road, and the shelves are
buildings, rising up on either side.<span>
</span>This one next to me, with all its babble speaking of forgotten topics
and then the man on the cover is jogging in his 70s apparel and then from
another cover peeks out a girl attacking a balance beam and we often try not to
think about how sexy so many gymnasts are because they haven’t yet reached the
age of menstruation.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He was
lying down in the middle of the road on First Avenue.<span> </span>Wait, no, it wasn’t First.<span> </span>It was Third and one of those cross streets
past Pike.<span> </span>Down in the
financial/business sector.<span> </span>An island of
calm in the city, where tourists fear to tread.<span>
</span>I am not talking now, and you are not listening.<span> </span>He was lying down in the middle of the
street, and on his right there was the Arctic Hotel, built by polar explorers
at the dawn of time, and just a little further up was the new library that
looks like some kind of controlled Ikea experiment gone wrong and the asphalt
over the road smells wrong and smells like a subway and it’s very very late at
night and everything is closed and dark and all the lights are out in all the
windows and across the street there is this shitty teriyaki place that is
somehow still open and these gangbanger guys are accosting this third guy in
front of a bus stop and one of them pulls out a gun but gets scared and fails
to ejaculate his weapon and he runs off, down the street, and around the vacant
corner next to a parking garage.<span> </span>And I
am just waiting here for my wife.<span> </span>But I
am not married.<span> </span>And I am very drunk, and
I can feel all the bars and the brightness down on First near Pioneer Square
and I think it might be time to have another drink or at least get up off the
road because his her friends are yelling from the car and telling him to get up
and stop acting like such a crazy fucker.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Pause,
for an indefinite period of time.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
rises now, and he is half-aware.<span> </span>Were he
a mythological creature on some knight’s banner one might say that he is
half-rampant, while the other half is only drunk and crazy from loneliness.<span> </span>He rises, and looks up at the mass of the
city.<span> </span>He wonders why the Arctic Hotel is
composed entirely of obsolete fitness books.<span>
</span>He asks a passing homeless man why gymnasts would want to delay their
menstruation.<span> </span>An entire city composed of
books, he sees.<span> </span>An entire city composed
of dusty books, he believes.<span> </span>Yet these
drunken moments are always passing away so quickly, and when he wakes whenever
he wakes the next day he won’t remember thinking these thoughts and when he
looks yet again upon the Arctic Hotel and the quietude of Third Avenue he will
see only brick and concrete where books once were.<span> </span>He will see only glass and steel.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>That
Bank of America tower there.<span> </span>He looks up
and prizes the tallest stack of human sexuality resources that he has ever
seen.<span> </span>And he could never check out so
many books, he thinks, and these people keep yelling at him from the car and
keep asking him why he has to be such a crazy fuck all the time and he doesn’t
want to listen.<span> </span>He just doesn’t want to
listen.<span> </span>So what if he got in a fight
last time they tried to take his car keys.<span>
</span>So what if he ended up punching some girl.<span> </span>That was only because they ganged up on him
whilst he was in his cups.<span> </span>That was only
because they were a bunch of drama fags and he hadn’t wanted any part of their
sexual experimentation.<span> </span>Even the drama
fags who weren’t gay were especially extra specially boring that night.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Dusting
himself off, he staggers away from the car and the bothersome friends down the
hill.<span> </span>The night is so silent in Seattle
because there’s never anything to do.<span>
</span>All there are is these sad frat bars down in Pioneer Square, and nobody
really loves those places.<span> </span>No one finds
true love with anyone where they are paying so much for a goddamn Corona.<span> </span>He just wanted to find himself tonight, but
everyone else keeps getting in the way.<span>
</span>Crack dealers offer up their wares.<span>
</span>But he is too white for that tonight, too Caucasian.<span> </span>He pretends not to know what they are talking
about, but he remembers this one time when his friend really wanted to score
some weed so his friend went into this Chinese restaurant down in the
International District following behind some weird dude while he waited in the
car and when his friend came out he thought he had made the big score but it
turned out that he was just holding a plastic bag of wadded up paper that just looked
like weed and the weird dude had run off with their money and neither of these
two college white kids could find the ethnically challenged individual in the
Chinese restaurant because he had run out the back and his friend cried and
swore that night not so much over the money but because he had been bragging
hours before and the sudden shame was almost too much for him to bear.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Jogging.<span> </span>Away.<span>
</span>From.<span> </span>The.<span> </span>Car.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>There’s
this bar under the streets of Seattle and that is a bar full of half-expired Nazis.<span> </span>They all fled to Seattle after the war ended,
and the city council never paid them any mind because they refrained from
alcohol consumption on Sundays and never said anything to offend anyone.<span> </span>What the fuck?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And she
is looking for that bar now, but she can’t find it.<span> </span>Perhaps down by the Iguana Cantina.<span> </span>Perhaps down by the Underground.<span> </span>I told you to meet me there, but you never
showed up.<span> </span>I waited and waited, but
nothing.<span> </span>And hours later I stumbled out
of the bar in my rumpled clothes and I saw you in another bar, with another
guy, perhaps that shirtless boy from the picture.<span> </span>I wanted to curse you then, but you looked so
happy.<span> </span>I knew you had never thought
about me at all.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>I see
your name here, on this study of cognitive processes.<span> </span>Something about Education, I guess.<span> </span>Something you did in graduate school, between
Freud and Warren Buffett.<span> </span>Where have you
gone?<span> </span>What are you doing?<span> </span>Who are you married to now?<span> </span>I see your name here, next to many other
names and I have found you.<span> </span>This is a
book about cognition.<span> </span>This is a book and
I am thinking that it must be a book about thinking.<span> </span>It is one of those books in which they and
you love to use the word “pedagogy.”<span> </span>You
must have worked very hard on it, and I wonder how many men you left behind on the
way.<span> </span>I am tired of trying to second
guess you.<span> </span>I think you are divorced.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>In the
middle of the Nazis now, and it’s Saturday night and the club is packed.<span> </span>Steel Pulse is on the stage, and everyone
knows that Nazis are very fond of Steel Pulse because they sing songs about
Babylon and ecological destruction.<span> </span>The
sick old men are all pressing up against you in your party dress, and one of
the old guys has his cock out and he’s jerking it hard.<span> </span>You smile at the display.<span> </span>How to not be disgusted.<span> </span>These old clammy men and not men but rather
cyborgs sent back in time to the present day from a horrible future to fuck
you, and you are just leering at some old guy’s penis and his penis isn’t even
that impressive just a little bigger than mine and women might smile at this
passage thinking how phallocentric I am and it’s really not about how big a
guy’s equipment is but rather how good a listener he is and what kind of abs he
has and how soulful his eyes look and women aren’t as simple minded as men
unless they are trying very hard to be so.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Shelves.<span> </span>Books.<span>
</span>Down the aisles to the left.<span> </span>On
the run down through the streets along Seneca the buildings have melted back
into books, and the sky has been capped by fluorescence.<span> </span>A row of lights above.<span> </span>A bank of lights.<span> </span>Some kind of panel between metal slats.<span> </span>The shelves are all so tall here, and they
stretch up to the ceiling in monolithic proportions.<span> </span>I turn my head and see the cover of a
book.<span> </span>On the cover of the book is a man
jogging in 70s sweatpants.<span> </span>On the cover
of another book is a prepubescent girl making love to a Minotaur.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-62244497655746975202015-04-19T17:57:00.002-07:002015-04-19T17:57:54.714-07:00Chapter Twenty Two<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The Remedy went to her house with the intention of
ending their relationship altogether.<span> </span>He
had decided that he was 40 years old, and that he had better things to do than
to sneak around with another man’s wife.<span>
</span>It didn’t matter, he had decided, that he still loved her to the point
of desperation.<span> </span>It didn’t matter, he had
decided, that he was without a single other meaningful relationship.<span> </span>He had to be stronger than her for once, he
had decided.<span> </span>He was running out of time.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He was
driving up the hill toward her house, his gears grinding from an abrupt turn
he’d taken near Magnuson Park, his car’s muffler unable to contain the
complaints of an engine that had endured years of punishment, which had already
pushed him up so many hills, only to have him drive back down these same hills
later on.<span> </span>It was a dark-colored sports
car bearing many dents and scratches along its surface, more like the rotting
carcass of a car than a car itself, a car yet living.<span> </span>It might have been dark blue or black.<span> </span>It might have been brown.<span> </span>It was impossible to tell at night.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He had
driven there from his apartment.<span> </span>On the
way he had stopped at a couple of bars, and he knew that he reeked of
beer.<span> </span>Cocooned inside the car, he wore a
gray hooded sweater and a fraying pair of cargo shorts.<span> </span>There was several days’ growth of beard over
his face, and most of the stubble was grey.<span>
</span>Fast food wrappers and old mail littered the back seat of his car, and
from his radio a male voice was growling over an endless dirge of drums and
downtuned guitars and random bits of distortion.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He knew
that her husband wouldn’t be home that night.<span>
</span>Her husband would be at his campus office, grading laboriously written
papers, or pouring over obscure texts.<span>
</span>Her husband would be enveloped in a world into which she could not
penetrate, a world she hated, because it spelled out everything that wasn’t
real, that wasn’t present, and that wasn’t of her own, bounded self.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>She
often talked about her husband as if he inhabited some distant planet, a planet
whose atmosphere had become so rarified that few could breathe there.<span> </span>She said this in a mocking tone, intended to
mock her husband.<span> </span>But as the years had
passed, it seemed that she was really mocking <i>him</i>, her lover.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">In the end it came
down to the same kind of logic: the struggle between himself and her husband,
the husband with his rights calculated on the one side, and he with all his
attractions on the other.<span> </span>The husband’s
ignorance demanded it.<span> </span>The husband could
come and go at will, he could fail to fuck her at his convenience, and even if
he didn’t find it convenient it was still the same game of waiting and hiding,
lurking out of view, and waiting for the lights to go off.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>She was
the love of his life, but she would never leave her husband.<span> </span>He knew this in his soul.<span> </span>This was the reason he had to be strong that
night.<span> </span>This was the reason he had to be
willful, for once, with her.<span> </span>This was
the reason he could not allow himself to be swayed by her charms.<span> </span>He had to try.<span> </span>He had decided.<span> </span>He had to try.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>His
gaze followed the glare of his own headlights as he turned off the suburban
street into her driveway.<span> </span>He switched
off the radio, and as he applied the brakes the cans and wrappers in the
backseat made a shuffling sound.<span> </span>He put
the car into park and sat there for a moment, taking in the measure of her
house.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Her and
her husband’s house was not far from Lake Washington, with a view all the way
across to the Cascades.<span> </span>But the sun had
gone to sleep hours ago, and now there were only the long shadows between the
trees, and warm illuminations from outdoor lamps.<span> </span>Many of the houses in that neighborhood were
large, and some could have been called estates.<span>
</span>All of the residents of these houses, tucked safely behind lawns and
security systems, had gone to bed.<span> </span>No
one saw him enter the house, yet he wasn’t sure if that fact pleased him or
not.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>As he
opened the unlocked front door, he ran a hand through his graying hair.<span> </span>He was going to be entirely gray soon, and he
hadn’t taken proper care of himself.<span> </span>It
was growing more difficult to find other women.<span>
</span>The younger women that populated his bars and clubs were more and more
indifferent to him.<span> </span>He knew that the
clock was ticking.<span> </span>He always knew that
his end, however shameful, was coming.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>During
other times he would have thought that his years of furtive love deserved some
acknowledgment from her, some kind of reward, some advancement.<span> </span>But perhaps these years only labeled him as a
coward, as a man who couldn’t set up his own house, as a man who had plundered
the home of another.<span> </span>He knew what he
was, at 40.<span> </span>He didn’t like himself for
it.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>As he
stepped into the house he thought briefly of what her husband might be doing at
his office.<span> </span>In his mind there flashed
images of woodcuts, of heretics burned alive in stylized flames.<span> </span>But no, they wouldn’t have branded either of
them a heretic.<span> </span>Their crimes were too
average for that.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Inside,
the living room was quiet.<span> </span>She was
waiting for him by the stairs, sitting underneath a picture of two girls on
swings.<span> </span>She had turned off all the
interior lights except those in the kitchen, and everything around the two of
them had been reduced to the barest outlines.<span>
</span>He could see the shapes of the stairs where she sat, rising upward to
the second floor.<span> </span>He could see the
looming presence of her husband’s bookcases, loaded down with books in the
adjacent living room.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Everything about that
house cursed him, but there were times when that resentment was a source of
satisfaction.<span> </span>He could see the outlines
of himself in the arrangement of the furniture.<span>
</span>He could see all the holes where more authentic things ought to have
been.<span> </span>But those more authentic things
were not there, and the arrangements of that house were undisturbed.<span> </span>It was as if the walls were speaking to
him.<span> </span>As if to say: <i>you might hate me, but I have a secret…</i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Before
he had even opened his mouth to greet her she was in his arms, kissing him to
mark her possession.<span> </span>His love was always
returned with futility.<span> </span>Her daughters
were supposedly asleep upstairs, and either one of these daughters could have
come down, just then, and seen the two of them together.<span> </span>She was careless when it suited her, but
never careless enough to leave her professor.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
pushed her away.<span> </span>“I can’t do this
anymore,” he was hyperventilating, “You’re just a year younger than me and
you’re never going to leave him.<span> </span>I know
you’re not going to leave him, ever.<span>
</span>Maybe one day he’ll get hit by a bus, but that’s the only way you’ll
ever have enough opportunity to love me the way I love you, to risk… to risk…”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Her
answer was another kiss.<span> </span>She knew how to
fight him.<span> </span>How many times had he tried
to break it off with her?<span> </span>How many times
had he tried to leave?<span> </span>And all the while
her roots had grown into him, preventing escape.<span> </span>He <i>wanted</i>
to escape.<span> </span>He wanted to escape his own
sorrow.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Her
husband was a man with a good salary, a fine house, a beautiful wife, and two
lovely daughters.<span> </span>There was nothing to
make her husband believe otherwise.<span> </span>But
there he was in their living room, and then she was being even more careless,
pulling him towards the living room couch.<span>
</span>Telling him not to worry.<span> </span>Maybe
she wanted to apologize for something.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>It made
him feel sick that she was all he had.<span> </span>A
shitty apartment on the bad side of town, a menial job, the chance to see her
and to service her: this was the entirety of his existence, without the hope of
anything better.<span> </span>This was him,
fulfilling his function.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And she
was pulling off his belt and undoing the buttons on his pants, and then her own
pants had fallen to the floor, and he had only her firm thighs spread open upon
the couch, with her wet pussy between them.<span>
</span>There was no way out of the maze.<span>
</span>She was too happy with things the way they were.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He had
his fingers inside of her and she was pulling his cock out of his underwear,
willing him to mount her.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>But he
just wanted to leave, even though his body was against him.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
didn’t hear the sound of footsteps from the stairs.<span> </span>He didn’t see the two pairs of eyes, peering
at them from the darkened hall.<span> </span>He did
not know, moreover, what waited for him the next day.<span> </span>Even still, he had known that there was no
other ending in store.<span> </span>He had known this
from the beginning.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-26769857636401648842015-04-19T17:55:00.002-07:002015-04-19T17:55:59.185-07:00Chapter Twenty Three<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">1</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Words spoken:</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“But let us not forget
that it was a woman’s transgression that brought all of these events to pass,
and that from now until the end of days Woman is marked with the taint of that
original sin.<span> </span>Were it not for the
frailties of women, we would all be dwelling even now in paradise.<span> </span>Were it not for the frailties of women, we
would be sitting even now at the Lord’s right hand, as the most exalted of
creatures.<span> </span>As matters now stand,
however, our condition does not differ from that of any other beast, in that we
must toil, and suffer, and persevere to the utmost of our abilities.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“It is
true that God gave Woman to mankind, so that she might be a helpmeet to
him.<span> </span>I would not dispute this fact.<span> </span>Our sisters in Christ are to be treasured,
and to be certain, man took part in his own downfall.<span> </span>No demon placed a sword to Adam’s throat, and
commanded him to eat of the forbidden fruit.<span>
</span>No, Adam did so in his innocence, and surely in so doing he also
transgressed.<span> </span>But the blame upon Eve is
not a thing to be forgotten, neither is the stain of that sin so easily
tempered by repentance and prayer.<span> </span>As I
stand here before you, women, know that I am a man of God and your brother in
Christ; and know also that I pray for each of you, and that it is my sincerest
hope that you hold to the ways of the Lord, so that you might keep holiness
before you.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“It has
come unto my ears that there has been sinning in our midst.<span> </span>Yea, even unto the steps of this very Church,
the citadel of our faith and our refuge from the persecutions of the land we
left behind.<span> </span>It has come unto my ears
that one of our number has sinned, and has caused others among our number to
likewise fall into error.<span> </span>It has come
unto my ears that some of you – even now, in your thoughts – profane the holy
institution of marriage, and have sought to satisfy lusts and covetous
emotions.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“I will
not speak the names of these transgressors, though they are surely known to you
all.<span> </span>I will not speak of the guilt they
bear, and of how far they have fallen from God’s grace.<span> </span>I will speak only of their dire need to
repent, before the hour grows too late.<span>
</span>For our God is a just God, and while He is forgiving, He is also
just.<span> </span>Mark these words well, you women,
for as one of you falls away from righteousness, so much closer to Hell do your
steps take you.<span> </span>Cleave not unto the ways
of the savages that inhabit the forest hereabouts.<span> </span>Cleave not unto the sin of Eve, who failed to
heed the Lord’s commandment.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“God
knows your doings, and God will find you out.<span>
</span>Think not that anything is done in secrecy, for even in the darkest
place, the Lord is there.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">2</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">EXT.-BACK TOWARDS THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ATLANTIC…</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Words overheard.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He was a poor man, and
he was not meant to hear that speech.<span>
</span>They would have closed the doors against him were it in their power to
do so.<span> </span>As it was, they could only glower
at him as he wandered in among all the other invited guests.<span> </span>They knew his reputation.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He had been seen in
the company of the speaker’s wife.<span> </span>There
was that one time, when they had seen him enter her carriage.<span> </span>There was that other time, when he was seen
in her company at the theater.<span> </span>There
were many other instances.<span> </span>There were
many other occasions.<span> </span>The gentlemen
gathered there were employed in businesses and burdened with responsibilities
that took them up and down the length of London, and it was not possible that
the interludes between this lowly man and the speaker’s wife could have avoided
the attentive gazes of them all.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">It was a commonly
acknowledged scandal.<span> </span>More scandalous
still was the fact that her husband was either not made aware of it, or else he
chose not to notice.<span> </span>There was much
speculation as to the husband’s awareness of the situation or lack thereof, and
the wives of all those gathered gentlemen took to discussing the scandal at
every occasion, much to the discomfort of more genteel sorts of folk.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Words spoken:</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“Quite ridiculous, I think, these strivings after a
God that no one has ever seen.<span> </span>We have
our philosophers to thank for dispelling that particular myth, though its
death-throes have been prolonged over-much.<span>
</span>Man has no need of God, and is to be accounted in this age the master of
his own destiny.<span> </span>God?<span> </span>What is God?<span>
</span>Nothing more than a fairy tale, and what is more, a fairy tale that no
longer amuses.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Words overheard.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The peasant crept
closer to the center of the room, so as to hear the debate better.<span> </span>He could still taste her, and the smell of
her perfume had crept all over his tattered clothes.<span> </span>He was a handsome man, this one, and might
dare things above his station.<span> </span>He was a man
to be careful of, a man driven to do desperate things, and moreover a man whose
movements none could predict.<span> </span>They all
kept their eyes upon him as he shouldered through the crowd, knowing his open
secret.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Words spoken:</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“But in the consideration of this unfortunate
individual let us not forget that it was Man’s transgression that brought all
of these events to pass, and that from now until the end of days, women are to
be held blameless, for it is the generations of men – men who have come before,
men long dead and since enshrined in words – who are pulling the strings.<span> </span>They drag an angry God behind them.<span> </span>They set up idols to Him in the shadows of
Ararat.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>“I know this because I was there.<span> </span>I know this because I have seen it all
myself.<span> </span>I might have been the man
wearing her perfume.<span> </span>I might have also
been his nemesis.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Words overheard.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>And
then forgotten.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-24530871912961587382015-04-19T17:54:00.000-07:002015-04-19T17:54:01.201-07:00Chapter Twenty Four<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The Tail was in a strange mood.<span> </span>Maybe it was because he was 20, and alone in
his dorm room on a Saturday night.<span> </span>Maybe
it was because he had nowhere to go, and no one to talk to.<span> </span>Maybe it was because of some other, less discernible
reason.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He was sitting on his
bed with the door wide open.<span> </span>He was
sitting with his back against the wall, he was fully dressed, and on the bed
next to him there was an open book.<span> </span>His
roommate was elsewhere, with other people, and in the Tail’s thoughts recurred the
image of this roommate laughing at him, making sport of his mannerisms, and
using his studiousness as the punch line for a joke.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>They
shared a small room, just down the hill from the other side of campus, in a
brownish, obviously collegiate dormitory, located somewhere in the greenbelt
between the university’s back parking lot and the multi-million dollar stadium
just off the canal.<span> </span>It was the sort of
place where newer students found a few infrequent friends, but not the sort of
place where anyone formed lasting relationships.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">All of the rooms in
this building were nondescript cubes with an attached bathroom and a window,
looking out at a forested ravine.<span> </span>His
particular half of the room hosted his sagging bed and soiled sheets, a desk
next to this bed, and a lamp upon the desk.<span>
</span>Between his desk and his bed were his ever-shifting piles of books,
neatly stacked in their order of acquisition.<span>
</span>The most recently acquired books were on his desk, and the books almost
due or overdue were stacked closest to the door.<span> </span>There were no posters on his walls, neither
were there any family photographs.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>His
roommate’s half of the room was even more sparsely furnished.<span> </span>This was because his roommate only occupied
the room at odd intervals, and most often preferred the abodes of friends and
girlfriends, the latter too numerous to name.<span>
</span>He barely saw his roommate.<span> </span>He
barely knew him.<span> </span>But he knew that this
other young man was off somewhere <i>not</i>
studying, <i>not</i> worrying, and <i>not</i> being as miserable as he was.<span> </span>They were friendly with one another, he and
this roommate, but they were not close.<span>
</span>He knew, with despair, that they never would be.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>College,
he thought.<span> </span>What a sad continuation of
high school.<span> </span>The same popularity
contests, the same jockeying for social position, the same hordes of vapid
girls, all equally unimpressed by whatever enticements their male classmates
could offer.<span> </span>He had hoped for so much
more after high school, but there he was, in a good school on scholarship, with
few friends and fewer people to talk to.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>If it
was the story of his life, then he was the villain.<span> </span>Definitely not the hero.<span> </span>Heroes got drunk for the duration of entire
weekends.<span> </span>Heroes had sex with girl after
girl after girl.<span> </span>And these heroes might
have been dull people, but they had stories to outshine his own.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">That, in its way, was
what hurt most of all.<span> </span>He had thought he
was coming into a world where he could finally be at the center of his own
story, where he could finally be the decisive factor, but there he was in his
dorm room, still a supporting character, and still absent from the bulk of the
narrative.<span> </span>He might have appeared,
briefly, for the less important scenes.<span>
</span>He might have been comic relief.<span>
</span>But when all the fucking and fighting and drinking were going on he was
nowhere to be seen.<span> </span>He had not been
invited to that particular party.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Instead he was where
he had always been, in a small room among books.<span> </span>Never chugging anything.<span> </span>Never inhaling.<span> </span>Never fumbling with condoms.<span> </span>Only studying his way into oblivion.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He picked
up the book lying next to him, and attended to the consequences of the Norman
Conquest.<span> </span>Something about the Magna
Carta.<span> </span>He had already begun his first
year of Latin, and he planned to take a crash course in Greek that summer.<span> </span>He was well past the introductory courses
that most freshmen have to wade through, and well into the history classes more
specific to his major.<span> </span>Most of his
professors were impressed by his work ethic and devotion to the discipline, and
his understanding of certain subjects had already surpassed that of his
classmates and instructors.<span> </span>“He has a
gift for this,” they said.<span> </span>“He will make
a great scholar one day, a great historian.”</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He had already decided
on a major in History.<span> </span>He knew that his
story cast a shadow in that direction.<span>
</span>The past was a place he wanted to call home.<span> </span>The past was a story that he wanted to
tell.<span> </span>His story had been made to tell
that story.<span> </span>That story would be a way of
telling his story.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>There
had been a brief, painful moment at the beginning of that term when it seemed
like his life was changing for the better.<span>
</span>Another guy in his dorm had a guitar.<span>
</span>Another guy played drums.<span> </span>Another
guy was learning to play bass.<span> </span>They
heard (erroneously) that he had been in his high school choir, and they asked him
to sing in their band without even asking him to audition.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Then, for an epiphany
of two weeks, he had been in actual conversations with actual girls who
actually found him interesting.<span> </span>He
mumbled into a microphone in a claustrophobic room, while girls had passed in
and out of their practice space.<span> </span>He had
inhaled Alice in Chains.<span> </span>He had fumbled
with Nirvana.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>But
then came an actual performance at a local bar, playing with several other
bands that also didn’t know what they were doing.<span> </span>He came to the microphone and froze, unable
to meet the gaze of all those people beyond the stage, all of them so much
cooler and calmer than he was.<span> </span>He didn’t
feel like he belonged there, on that stage.<span>
</span>He didn’t know what he was doing, and he was so terrified, so shatteringly
afraid.<span> </span>After a fevered discussion, the
guitar player assumed singing duties, and it was all he could do not to run off
the stage, and hide.<span> </span>After the show,
they all agreed that he hadn’t been much of a singer anyway, and that was it,
it was over.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The incident remained
as a breathless set of memories.<span> </span>A story
he would never tell.<span> </span>For a short span of
time he had approached so closely to happiness – to acceptance – that even he
dared not believe it, but in the end embarrassment had been waiting in the
wings, an embarrassment that foreshadowed the loss of his cool friends and the
lovely girls who had, only for a moment, noticed him.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
other guys in that band had already dropped out.<span> </span>Some of them were dealing drugs.<span> </span>Others had visions of rock stardom.<span> </span>One of them had moved to California.<span> </span>Yet whatever their disasters, they all had
stories to tell, and these stories were all better than his own.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>The
Norman Conquest.<span> </span>So many books so many
books so many books.<span> </span>A beautiful girl
with blonde hair passed by his open door and smiled.<span> </span>It might have been that girl he always saw in
the library, or he might have been imagining things.<span> </span>Just the same, her smile remained in her
wake, a smile seared across the forefront of his consciousness.<span> </span>He was petrified with fear.<span> </span>William the Conqueror.<span> </span>She was so beautiful.<span> </span>Land holdings.<span> </span>He could talk to her.<span> </span>The Roman Legacy.<span> </span>What was her name?<span> </span>Lisa?<span>
</span>Judy?<span> </span>Rose?</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>In
Medieval England they probably didn’t have any beautiful blonde girls to
distract William from all his conquering.<span>
</span>The women of that time would have been diseased and dying, illiterate
and entirely uneducated.<span> </span>And most men
would have been too busy with their pillaging, torturing, and religious
pondering to hold the kind of romantic notions espoused in tales of
chivalry.<span> </span>That is if they weren’t busy
expiring before the age of 40.<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">They weren’t made for
longing, those men.<span> </span>Life for them was
too short, and often too painful.<span> </span>They
were all filthy and crawling with lice, sweating their way through
uncomfortable clothes and armor.<span> </span>They
lived in a beautiful place, largely devoid of people.<span> </span>There were no cars, only badly maintained
roads, and no tall buildings.<span> </span>And you
had to be strong then, or if not strong you had to be brutally stupid.<span> </span>If you weren’t strong or stupid you were
lost.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He
tried to imagine himself in that time, walking amongst the hovels and castles
of The Great.<span> </span>Could he be strong?<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">He knew that it was
too difficult to be stupid.<span> </span>It was too
hard to deny his ego on that point.<span> </span>He
knew that he had to do something.<span> </span>He had
to go find her.<span> </span>Judy, maybe.<span> </span>Or Lisa.<span>
</span>He had to put the failure behind him.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>He rose
slowly from his bed, closing the book.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>His
breath came out too fast as he walked into the hall, looking for the beautiful
blonde girl and not finding her.<span> </span>He
thought about the way that girl had looked at him in the library, and he hoped
he wasn’t confused about her identity.<span>
</span>It was almost certainly her.<span>
</span>Almost.<span> </span>She had passed his door
so quickly that it was hard to tell.<span> </span>She
had the same smile, that same look of native cunning.<span> </span>She had walked the same way, and she might
have seen him in the dorm before.<span> </span>He
wanted so much for it to be the same girl.<span>
</span>He wanted to be lucky for once.<span>
</span>He was tired of pushing the boulder up the hill.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>Outside
his small room, there was a hallway leading off to either side.<span> </span>The blonde girl had walked onward to his
right.<span> </span>There were only a few rooms
before the end of the hallway, and if she had taken the stairs at the end of
that hallway he would have heard the echoes of her footfalls.<span> </span>He walked quickly toward the stairwell,
pausing beside open doors so that he could listen for a female voice.<span> </span>Maybe she was in another young man’s
room.<span> </span>Maybe she was occupied.<span> </span>Faithless women.<span> </span>Betrayers.<span>
</span>But how could she have betrayed him?<span>
</span>What promise had been given?<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Only a smile in a
library.<span> </span>Only a smile in a hallway.<span> </span>Perhaps it wasn’t the same girl.<span> </span>Perhaps it was another girl.<span> </span>Perhaps he was just tired from reading.<span> </span>He had to grow up, he told himself.<span> </span>He had to be strong - stupid even.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>At the
end of the hall he heard a girl’s voice in one of the rooms.<span> </span>Another young man’s voice answered her.<span> </span>There was a moment’s pause, and then the girl
said, “Not here, OK?<span> </span>Your roommate’s
coming back any minute.”<span> </span>He didn’t know
if that voice belonged to the girl from the library, since he had never heard
her speak.<span> </span>He wanted it to be another
girl’s voice.<span> </span>He wanted her to be a
stranger who had smiled at him, and nothing more.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><span> </span>In the
end he had only books and the Story that books represented.<span> </span>Every book was a piece of the story, and that
story was continually depressing.<span> </span>That,
he then decided, was to be the story of his life.</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8352996151669534257.post-64932996232901755872015-04-19T17:51:00.004-07:002015-04-19T17:51:54.518-07:00Chapter Twenty Five<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“When I think back on these wars of religion, these
inquisitions, these burnings of precious cities and artifacts, I am ashamed
that this myth of God has persisted for so long.<span> </span>The Greeks were keen enough to its character.<span> </span>Why then do we persist in this delusion?<span> </span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“Yes, one might argue
that the Greeks had their own deities, but they widely acknowledged that such
deities were only to be tolerated for the sake of the unlearned, and did not in
any way represent the true order of things.<span>
</span>They understood that superstitions abound within the minds of less
educated people, and they designed – yes, <i>designed</i>
– their state cults with a practicality that escapes the modern mind.<span> </span>They knew that ignorance could never be
completely eradicated – not immediately – and so they engineered their
religions with the sole intention of keeping this ignorance at bay, of making
it less harmful to the state.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">How I wish we shared
their sense of rationality on such subjects, so that we might do away with such
superstitions among the educated classes.<span>
</span>Better to hand the likes of God over to the common people, for we have
not needed Him for a great many years now.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The coachman found a place near the edge of the
crowd, and could advance no further.<span> </span>The
press at the perimeter of the floor was too advanced to allow any further
ingress.<span> </span>He would have been right up
front if it had been in his power to approach any closer, but there were too
many others collected there, all just as eager as he to hear the day’s speech.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">They watched him as he
stood there like a fool, with his ragged hat in his hand, and his muscles
visible through the white shirt he wore.<span>
</span>They worried over their wives as they saw him.<span> </span>They wondered what it was that their wives
were doing.<span> </span>Had this man molested their
wives as well?<span> </span>Or had their wives found
yet another peasant?<span> </span>Or someone worse
still?</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“We are the greatest empire in the history of the
world, or if not yet such, then we will soon be.<span> </span>Our navy is already the finest among all the
civilized nations, our trade extends from the New World to Africa and China,
and our laws and institutions – the glory of our people – stand ready to serve
us through all adversities.<span> </span>I, for one,
am only too thankful that we have risen above the superstitious belief in a
Creator that previously guided our race, for it is through the forbearance of
such ridiculous beliefs that we proceed onwards to further triumphs, both
within and without our great nation.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">One of the men just behind the coachman, a gentleman
near fifty years of age, could not help but wonder aloud how such statements
could be made in this place, in the hearing of Christian people.<span> </span>They complimented the speaker on his love of
country, but it was clear that his statements struck many as offensive.<span> </span>Some even spoke of having the speaker ejected
from that assembly, forcibly if necessary.</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">The coachman paid them
little mind, his ears trained upon the speaker.<span>
</span>His mouth hung open, as if it any moment he would speak aloud.<span> </span>None could understand why he had come to that
particular forum, or what a beggar such as himself might say in such
distinguished company.</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“I have heard it bandied about this very room, nay,
in my very presence, that I am a corrupt, irreligious man who would lead you
all astray.<span> </span>To this charge I can only
answer that the truth only has a corrupting influence upon what is backward and
evil in mankind, and that on the score of being irreligious I am avowedly so.<span> </span>It is not for me to lead any man astray, save
from the idolatries of past generations.<span>
</span>I espouse only the love of one’s nation, one’s culture, and one’s
people.<span> </span>My aim has ever been the same,
and this aim is the glorification of our country, the freedom of our seas, and
the supremacy of our territories over all those with hostile intentions.<span> </span>In this I stand before you as a true man, and
not as a fool ready to bow down before some God he dare not contemplate
closely.”</span></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Yes</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">, thought the
coachman.<span> </span><i>Yes, I have thought this same thing before.<span> </span>I have seen all of this in a dream, and while
I was dreaming I was lying in his wife’s embrace.<span> </span>This other man and I are not so
different.<span> </span></i></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">We
are both trying to throw off the old superstitions, but we are approaching the
problem from different angles.<span> </span>He wants
to change the world through words.<span> </span>I
want to do it through my actions.<span> </span>He
wants to raise us up to his level.<span> </span>I
want to bring them all down into the world where I have suffered, where I have
been insulted, and where I have been denied what was owed me.</span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-indent: 24pt;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">We
are one and the same.<span> </span>Were he a saint, I
would have to play the sinner.<span> </span>Were he
the scapegoat, I would be the one casting sins upon him.<span> </span>I would have to do it, because it is in my
nature.<span> </span>I would always have to prove him
wrong, perhaps because I know that he is right.</span></i></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">“Some would argue that our nation is still a
Christian nation, and that we still possess a church for the sake of religious
observance.<span> </span>This, they say, puts me at
odds with the order of things.<span> </span>I submit,
however, that this church was since its inception meant for the lower orders of
people, so that their ignorance might be channeled into safer avenues, and not
mediate against our public institutions.<span>
</span>This church was never meant for the entirety of our judges, our
magistrates, and those others burdened with the governance of this great
land.<span> </span>For precedent one need only look
back to the formation of our church, during which…”</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0台灣23.69781 120.9605149999999916.2584125 110.6333665 31.137207500000002 131.28766349999998